Recoveringmasc
Fapstronaut
I am almost 25 and have been masturbating almost daily ever since I was in fifth grade. It started innocently enough, just VS models online when I got home from school. It slowly progressed over the years and I've moved into some really weird stuff. Very recently I have thought over my past relationships and tried to understand the nature of my sexuality. Sex has never been something I have really been extremely into, except from the perspective as the study of human behavior. My first romantic relationship ended because my girlfriend at the time had pushed for us to have sex. It was something that I was interested in as I had heard all about it, but wasn't exactly going to push for until, well probably never if I'm honest. But even at that point, I was long addicted to porn, even if it took me until now to accept that. This past week, it was really brought to my attention that asexuality is a very possible identity for me. Something that I had never actually taken seriously, or ever thought possible for myself. This was largely because of how addicted to porn I am. I have decided to break from porn entirely at least until I can determine CLEARLY, my sexuality. But right now it is so easy for me to want to just accept that I am a very regular heterosexual and jump back into porn. But I'm still not sure that I even watch porn and masturbate to it because of my sexuality or if it is just because I feel the strongest urge to NEED to do it! I have caved a couple times since I began my streak and looked briefly at pornography, but have not masturbated to it. Much of the time I instinctively got to my favorite porn sites out of sheer habit and boredom. If anyone can provide helpful feedback, I would greatly appreciate it! It's so easy for me to convince myself that it is okay to relapse and just continue with what I have been doing, but I really DO NOT want to continue. It is difficult for me to want to accept help from others, but I know that I will definitely fail if I rely on my own strength. Thanks in advance for any feedback you could provide!
