I am losing control!!

Hi all, I'm a new fapstronaut, whose been on Hard Mode for 27 days now, I haven't reset or relapsed in that time, but I found myself watching videos of Maseratti XXX online this weekend and it took literally everything for me to leave my computer screen, and 'turn my back' on my arousal! One thing that's helped is that I've started a new job and it keeps me busy and out all the time, luckily I had to go out at the weekend anyway.

I've noticed though, that I feel really close to a reboot; for the past two days it's been raging testosterone and a distinctly physical sensation that persistently makes me feel aroused, I really enjoy that feeling because when I was a pickup artist it would really cause my mind to go into autopilot and I would end up bedding a random target, albeit when drunk; this was after about a week of NoFap. I started Hard Mode because I desperately wanted that feeling back, to look at a woman and have your balls boil and follow the 3 second rule because the feeling is real; as an aside, I have to admit to having lost all interest in sex for the first few weeks. It didn't worry me because of the sense of pride I felt not fapping.

I am here because I have a lot of questions, for example I'm really lonely and I've found myself in the past, getting into relationships where I am the giver(of orgasms and experiences). I also wonder if it's a good idea for me to go back into pickup although I found the experience empty because there's only so many times you can enjoy watching someone get aroused by your "patterns" before it gets tired. I'm definitely getting to the point where it doesn't matter to me anymore, because I am beginning to be driven by an uncontrollable urge. This feels like a reboot to me because the reason I did it, was that I was not sensitive and although I enjoyed sex, I was tired of trickling loads, and I really missed the feeling of looking at a woman and feeling a surge of sexual energy. The women at work know it. I can tell from the way they look at me, they want something. I am thinking of resetting so that I can get this feeling off my back, this means I have to go sarging. It must be the testosterone.

I would love any advice from any experienced fapstronauts who have similar or even different experiences.

Thanks!

 

Thanks a lot!