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I am mentally dying and it hurts. I don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Helpmeplease1258, Apr 3, 2020.

  1. Helpmeplease1258

    Helpmeplease1258 Fapstronaut

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    I feel empty, emotionless to the point where it feels horrid, like the pressure is building in my head and I cannot do anything about it. It feels like I will forever be tarnished by what I have done, that things will never be the same. I have thought about my existence and have asked God to kill me as I do not have the power to do so. I feel like a loser, a retarded individual, as if there is something wrong with me. It feels as if I am cursed and there is a force within me trying to destroy me. I have asked God for help so many times know that I have revived no help with my struggles. My perception of myself with these things is that I am a piece of shit everytime I fail. I have hate towards myself.

    I made a thread a year ago about my story, and nothing has changed since then. This is what I wrote. I am now 22.

    I am a 20 year old dude who has been struggling with pmo and mo since I first began as a young teenager around 12-13. I have never been in a relationship with a girl and I have had recent thoughts in the past 2-3 years that it is not worth it. The pmo stuff really started to get bad around 15-16, but I'd mo 4 times every second day from then age of 12-15 years old due to OCD. It affected me greatly through that time. I was never good with girls and I'd be to scared to talk to them. I liked girls without ever really talking to them. It brings back bad memories but I would like you guys and gals to know my story.

    I started do things I should not have been doing at age 16 that I am really dissapointed and saddened by, and some other factors such as pressure, stress and feelings of not being good enough as well as no hope of getting a girlfriend kicked in and added to it. I just wish I knew what I was doing would ruin everything and it would never be that same.

    2015 (17 years old) was the year I decided enough was enough, especially towards the end of the year. I still would mo and pmo frequently and do things I should have probably avoided. It was mainly in the last half of the year that decided enough was enough, and I took the plunge to stop. I did not use any NoFap help or any other advice from other websites about it. I did not know that these websites existed. I started to cut back looking at p and just focus on cutting back on the amount of times I would do it a day to doing it once a week. The I would try to get to two weeks, and then 3 weeks. Of course I had a few pmo relapses and urges to mo. It was not until the begining of 2016 that I binged on p and I realised enough is enough. I asked God for help through this all and I cried my eyes out saying to my self I cannot do this anymore. I told Satan to get out of me (which you can say is the urge).

    The Good Year

    I was starting uni in two weeks, so I was clean for those 2 weeks. I also spoke to my Dad about this and he helped me with some strategies. Once I started Uni (18 years old) things changed, I didn't look back from that point. Of course I would get urges but I could switch them off again. I had motivation, enthusiasm and joy. I trusted God through this situation and got through that barrier. A lot of things happened in 2016 that helped me to focus on what I enjoyed. I felt like a new being and was at peace with everything. I was clean that entire year. No pmo or mo. Then towards the end of the year my parents were struggling with the relationship and the police got involved, but nothing happened. I started to develop a little Ocd because if I looked at a girl and got a tingling sensation, I'd have to go and do a pee to feel better. A bit wierd. That was a testing time for me, but I had no urge to go and look at p.

    The Tough Year

    Then 2017 (19 years old) came and I got a job and the begining of the year was very enjoyable. I did not have too many urges and I was clean. The Ocd did start to increase and this was due to me being scared of mo and pmo. I wasn't sure whether I'd finish the degree I was doing as I got an offer for another Uni. That stressed me out massively. My parents were arguing during that year, and the police got involved a second time and this time a court date was issued. Don't worry, there was nothing that was physical. I got myself involved, not on the police side, but between my parents to try and fix things. This was where I became stressed and sad about what was happening, I still did not have the urge. I didn't have much motivation and the Ocd was getting worse, I'd have to repeat things and that also was stressing me out. I was also questioning why I picked the degree I did and I am still questioning it. I didn't do that much other than Uni, work and PlayStation or when my family would go out somewhere. The Ocd was really getting to me and I was not able to be the happy person I was in 2016 and the beginning of 2017. I was still clean. No mo or pmo.

    The Bad Year

    Then 2018 (20 years old) came along and my parents were trying to work things. We went for two holidays as a family with my parents and brothers. That didn't change anything between my parents. Then the next court date came along and nothing happened. It still didn't change anything. The OCD was really bad to the point where I was getting rashes. No charges were given months into the year, I was stressing about going back to Uni and the situation at home. I was at home watching TV and decided I'd just look at the woman on TV's behind and I was triggered. After this I went on YouTube to search for inappropriate videos as I did not want to look at p. I was home alone and I saw this yoga video and before I knew it I had my hand on the lemon and I busted one. As soon as that happened I said to my self what have I done. I was feeling weird and strange that I had to stuff up all that progress. Maybe subconsciously because I don't have a gf or never have had one, my mind just snapped and I had to go an look. Also I spend most of my time at home, don't really have any close friends and have been unmotivated to do the things I enjoy out of fear. The same night I just decided stuff it, I'm gonna look at more yoga videos, and that was when I went back to pmo.

    What I am feeling now

    From then on it has been a constant struggle since to try and stop the relapses. I had a 2 month abstinence but I then feel back into it. Since the it had been 2-4 week streaks and then I relapse, sometimes up to 11 times in the space of 5 days, and up to 4 times in a day. I would stay up till about 3:30am in the morning some days looking at p and engaging in mo.

    I have also been experiencing intrusive thoughts during pmo and mo and the Ocd makes things worse. All of a sudden, at the point of O I would have non sexual thoughts of a person and that would really piss me off and make me sad and depressed. This is the cycle I am experiencing. I'd have to keep doing it until the intrusive thoughts stop. The Ocd makes me have to keep doing mo to remove the intrusive thoughts. I also have to end on an mo without the p to feel better. Recently the way I fap and how I do it has also pissed me of and the Ocd has made me have to do it again. I don't want this to get too long as there are a lot of details. I relapsed again yesterday 4 times and my mind wants me to do it again because I didn't end in a certain way, where some spillage occurred while I pmoed in the bathroom and I had to wash the bath mats. It reminded me of when I was younger and I would just fap in the bathroom and I'd unload on the bathroom floor and the bathroom mats. It made me feel terrible. That's why the Ocd is kicking in. The 3 previous ones were in bed and in the toilet. If I watch p that is a little heavy, the Ocd kicks in and I need to watch something less heavy to feel better. I feel like absolute crap right now and I am at war with my brain whether I should do an mo again to neutralize the incident I had on the last one.

    The reasons why wanted to stop was because I wanted to enjoy what I like doing more and not let pmo and mo get in the way. I wanted to get a girlfriend, and I did not bother when I was clean which I am now looking back and I have made a mistake. I wanted to be able to talk to people without feeling awkward and just be me. Pmo and mo has prevented me from being me, and I experienced what it was like to be me in 2016. I feel like shit about what I did as a teenager, looking at all the p and moing all the time. It's all come back. I didn't even think about what I did as a teenager during 2016. I have messed up catastrophically and I feel I will never be the same again no matter what I do. I have really like me. I used to lie about things as a teenager and was a little boastful at times, and I don't really like to say I am good at things because of this. My head is a mess, I question my existence and why I was born. I try to improve myself but I keep failing. Right now I am battling my mind and the ocd of whether I go and mo again because of the spillage that occurred on my last pmo because I think that I won't be the same. This kind of thinking happened when when I was a young teenager. I have been able to go without it for 2 years, I am struggling so much right now to try and get back to normal.

    Someone help please.


    I mentioned in the thread I posted last year, that the year I was 16 was a terrible time for me. The first 3 months of that year were not bad but then things deteriorated to a point where I was below rock bottom. I am reminded of that feeling from time to time. It hurts to even mention it without mentioning it. Maybe this is my punishment. 2 years of good times and now 3 years of pain. Maybe I was given a chance to feel what it was like to be normal again and then my life was destroyed again. I did let it go for those 2 years although the memory of that time would pop up sometimes but I wouldn't let it get to me. I can't change what happened, but I feel like it needs to be changed. I still do wish I could change what happened. I am still disgusted with myself when my brain reminds myself of that time.

    I am crying out for help. I've seen and spoken to counselors, my youth pastor, psychologists and close friends about this and I still haven't been able to fix myself like I did when I was clean from pmo and mo for 2 years and 2 months. I can't seem to shake it off. To keep it as detailed without going into detail as it could activate other thoughts, everytime I see an image or video of a woman on the internet doing inappropriate things, my mind scans to see if the person has features that remind me of any person I know, and if I then pmo to that person, my mind feels like shit and I need to pmo to someone else that doesn't remind me of them so that the thought of the person is not in my head at the time, and then the cycle continues until it doesn't happen again. I honestly feel like this is engraved into me and I cannot get rid of this.

    I don't know my purpose or what the meaning of life is. I have lost motivation, excitement or energy for a lot of things. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I haven't had that warm feeling when you are happy in a very long time. Probably the start of 2017 was the last time I was truly happy. Also in day to day life, I have OCD and superstitions where my mind tells me to move an objects or I have to repeat tasks again because I get unconscious thoughts jumping into my head of something bad happening to people I know. Also I seem to get scared of myself as well like I don't trust myself anymore. I feel like shit. Feels like I am a lost cause that can't be saved. I have so much to write and say, I just can't get it all out because my brain feels dead. God if you are reading this, I can't take this anymore. Please get whatever force is within me out and destroy it. Someone please help me. God please help me, I am sorry. I don't know what the heck I am mean't to do. I can't stop my mind when the thoughts come in. No matter how much I try to control the urges, OCD and intrusive thoughts, I still fail and the damaging force prevails.
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2020
  2. Iam so sorry that you feel that way i can relate to everything that you have said. Unfortunately i dont know how to help iam sure you already know all the tips and tricks from nofap. All i can do is if you ever have strong urges or just want to talk about anything we can do that iam here very often so iam not going to miss your messages. If you have any questions or concerns dont hesitate to ask :)
     
  3. Hey, seems you are going through a lot. And this for quite some time. I would not go that far and say you are cursed ... I think it is enough admitting you are ADDICTED. Not sure but from own experience I know, sometimes we need to eat more shit in order to wake up. I hear you crying, I hear you are desperate, full of self-hatred, self-loathing, blaming, you spoke to pastors, counselors and more. What I don't read is what else you tried. I mean besides talking to. Cause talking alone won't do it. You need to walk. Walk the talk. Hope is fine, but having a plan is better. I am not going to tell you what to do. Just so much ... what you should not do is all that self-bashing. Cause that my dear is very very very veeeeery destructive, discouraging, draining, sucking you dry, leaving you all empty and defeated.
    You need the energy for recovering, healing. Now ... watch your thinking. You pray to god he may take your life cause ... you are bad bad bad I guess, that is what you tell him. Why not asking him What he can do for you to live and thirve cause you are good good good?
    I mean, ok, you are an addcit, most of us here are, you watch P, you M ... you do stuff you consider to be disgusting, yet you do it. Why? To feel better. That is a coping strategy, survival mechanism.
    You are a precious soul, sensitive, you suffer. You better love yourself DESPITE the fact you're acting out compulsively. Then work. Go through withdrawal, there is no talking way around. It's physical, it hurts.
    You want to change? 3 things are needed. You need a clear vision of where you wanna go, how you want to feel, then you need to know there is a price to pay (leaving your old addicted me behind), and third (that's where most fail) you have to actually PAY the price.

    You had good times in the past, I read. So you are not a hopeless case. Just addicted. What I don't read is what you did in order to quit besides talking? What did you do?
     
  4. cosinusX

    cosinusX Fapstronaut

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    Hello there!

    I can partially relate to the struggle you are going through.
    I am an 23 years old engineering student, have struggles at home with my parents and have a problem with pmo.

    As i read your story, i got the feeling that your p(mo) usage is not your only source of problems.
    For me it seems that the stress in your other lifesections impact you p(mo) problem.
    Doing PMO is a way our brain deals with stress, maybe if you find other strategies to face you stress, it'll become easier to stop PMO.

    I am also assuming that you have problems with selfesteem, selfvalue or selfconfidence.
    I would highly recomment you to stop blaming yourself for what you've done.
    You are not your addiction, it's an biochemical process driven by your reward center.
    It's not your fault!!!
    Honestly you can be very proud about yourself! I don't ofter read stories of people that are able to do nofap for a whole year. Also going to an uni can be hard. It's one of the highest degrees you can get.

    Stop blaming yourself and start being proud :)

    I am telling you that because if you increase your selflove, it will be easier for you to go on.
    It is a fundament you can build on.
    You would rather help a person you love instead of a person you hate.

    I believe you will make it!
     
  5. amaranth

    amaranth Fapstronaut

    Hell-o, God here...
    Jk

    I normally don't reply to posts in which I get that people are religious, because I can't suggest anything sane within the belief boundaries of religion, and people would sooner lash out, or stop talking, than open up their minds, even a tiny little bit. But, I'm mainly going to focus on other things I noticed in your post which need at least some addressing, imo.

    First of all, I think it is prudent to understand the fact that societies the world over, mainly because of their big narratives and belief packages among other reasons- again, my personal view- which were established for whatever reason, are pretty ocd about sex. They always talk about how not to entertain such thoughts, they always show that it is in some way evil, it's rendered everywhere as taboo, yet we see sexual innuendos (which are not so subtle) everywhere, in paintings, museums, films, books, heck, even buildings. The result: intense shame on something through which people connect to something different. So, now, people "have to be" both ocd about sex as well as ashamed at even the concept of it. But that's not working, and you can see it for yourself all around you.


    The last thing you want to do is blame yourself (or anyone, for that matter). Blame only brings shame and friction.
    You've mentioned many phrases like,"fix myself", "my punishment", "a lost cause", "disgusted with myself", "a loser", "retarded","something wrong with me"... You even say that you hate yourself... I haven't quoted all the spots above, because I found them too many... That's a place to start.
    Hate yourself for hating yourself, and start loving yourself instead. If you're not your own ally, nobody can help you.
    What does it mean to love oneself? How would you show your love to someone else?
    Would you degrade or berate them? Would you hit them with shame over and over again?
    Or would you be present with them, honestly willing to understand them and saying that it's okay? That things can get better, and that they are the main catalyst in all this, and that they can move forward at their own pace as a matter of course?

    I know that feeling.
    Feelings come and go. That's how they are. It helps to stay with a feeling without reacting to it.
    It may come back, but it will always pass at some point.

    It seems that you have linked your sense of well-being and happiness to not pmo'ing. That is, you have associated your inner state with outer circumstance. To a certain point, it can't be helped, because there is neurochemistry at work here which deprives us of being able to feel joy for a short while (and it pays to remember this).

    However, it's crucial to also realize that what you're feeling is not about what is, but rather about the way you perceive what is.
    Stimuli enter from outside, but what we experience is about how our minds processes that information to create a reality. It may seem we perceive things as they are, but essentially, that's not really true. We hallucinate a lot.
    It's easy to understand this when a hallucination is exposed. Like, when someone mistakes another for an acquaintance when in fact they're a stranger. Or, when someone is looking for their glasses, while having them on their head. Their inner experience makes them be certain about these pieces of information (known person, absence of glasses), but it practically says nothing about the real state of things. The more you can practice keeping your awareness from becoming one with urges, thoughts and assumptions, the better you'll be able to see clearly.
    Again, no one else can do that for you. You're not broken. You're just acting really well at sabotaging yourself. A lot of people are (me included).
    The past has nothing on the present, nor the future. It doesn't exist, but in our minds, like the future. To draw conclusions on something that's not there, but in the form of a film, that can only lead to limitation and vicious cycles (since the base raw data of memory remain the same). If you have to remember something bad, at least try to feel ok with it, and move on; keep the lesson, but don't get stuck to the memory.
    There are other aspects that I'd like to suggest things about, but they would touch on the religious domain and I'm not wont to invite any friction, since it doesn't make any sense to me, nor does it interest me. So, I'll just leave the suggestions at that.

    Anyway, I hope that helps even a bit. :)
     
  6. Itryatleast2

    Itryatleast2 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, reading your story it's like almost reading my story... I don't know if I suffer too from OCD, but know that... You are not alone! PMO is one of the most poisonous brain addictions. And like a fella from here told me : you can't have something without paying it... That is what you have to pay to your inner demon from all this years... But you can get thru it. I also hope nofap helps me both mentally and physically, which to me affects me so much that I've been more than 3 months with only 2-4 hours of sleep. God will never give up on his children, so you shouldn't give up too...
     
  7. Helpmeplease1258

    Helpmeplease1258 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Nico. Appreciate it.
     
  8. Helpmeplease1258

    Helpmeplease1258 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for you message Samadhi. Appreciate your words of advice. The three things you mention is very similar to what I had in 2016 when it all fell into alignment. In order to stop for over 2 years, I asked God to help me after the last binge before I went clean. I was in tears and in pain and I said enough was enough. I was starting university that year so that gave me something to occupy myself with. I slowly let go of things and was able to focus on how I wanted to live, specifically without the need to have to pmo and mo. I thought I would never go back to pmo and mo again. That wasn't the case. What I did to battle any urges was:

    1) I put my trust in God
    2) I happened to start university 2 weeks after I had stopped pmo and mo which helped me to focus on other things such as making friends and spending more time at university
    3) I had hobbies that I enjoyed doing and focused on those things.
    4) I modeled myself after the Top Gear team, especially James May as I felt he is a very sensible person.
    5) Having that new experience of university and finishing high school also gave me motivation to want to change and fix myself.

    I wanted to do everything that was as sensible as possible so I could remove myself from the dreaded memories that I have. I didn't acknowledge the existence of p and mo during that time when I was clean. I did accept them and was at one with myself for quite a while in 2016 and early 2017. Then a force attacked me and brought me back to those dreaded feelings I thought I would never experience again. I noticed in the year leading up to the fallback, I started to get thoughts without even thinking them. This bothered me and that is when I started to develop OCD where I would repeat tasks until a thought is no longer there, such as when opening a tap, I would get a thought I didn't think of, and would get pissed off with myself that I would have repeat tasks until the thought is gone.
     
    The Free Bird and | Nico | like this.
  9. Helpmeplease1258

    Helpmeplease1258 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your post cosinusX. Yes, the stress of the family issues, university and the OCD impacted me greatly. The reason for my failure to continue my quest was because of the built up stress. I want to be back in control of my biochemical processes. I have never wanted to be proud of myself since the time I was 16, as I would boast and lie to people about things that I never did, but said I did. I have always wanted to downplay achievements since that time as I did not want to make myself feel proud. Not a fan of self-praise but I do understand what you mean. I just want to feel better like I did in 2016. The reason I might have been in such a good mental state that year was because I stopped blaming myself. I do not understand self love. Never have understood the concept properly. The last line you wrote makes it a little more clearer what the definition of self love means. Thanks for your motivational words. Appreciate it a lot.
     
    cosinusX, The Free Bird and | Nico | like this.
  10. Helpmeplease1258

    Helpmeplease1258 Fapstronaut

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    If I could make it illegal and shut them all down, I would. Thanks Itryatleast2. That is an interesting concept. It seems that NoFap has helped people to recover greatly. Feels like God has left me to try to fix it myself, and I haven't been able to.
     
    MrYang29 and The Free Bird like this.
  11. Thanks for your reply @Helpmeplease1258. You know, I was heavily addicted to findom (amongst other stuff) and "managed" to quit 2017. Usually I would get high, drink, smoke, sniff then go online. I could stop that. Then I thought myself out and was relieved. When out of the blue January 2018, totally sober, I got completely hooked again. Spent around 18'000 in 4 months. Online. I had no idea why and how this could have happened, I just watched myself losing it all again. Until some online money transfer service detected my two accounts of which one was with a false identity and the froze them both. I was shocked, afraid I would get prosecuted and all in my closer friend's circle would finally find out about the true me ...
    I think that was a wake up call (again). Ever since I could leave that world and slowly could manage to get out. Today I am well on track. Escorts together with related sites is still a challenge. Today I know, when I feel too safe, I tend to forget ... that's when I got to be careful.

    Addiction is a beast. The brain can play tricks. What I am saying with this is, your case is not a hopeless one. Just because you slipped back into it doesn't mean all is over now. You have great tools, ressources you can reactivate. Do that. And then always remember that it can hit you again out of the blue. That's not to scare you. Just for us to stay vigilant. Pay attention or pay the bill. Better pay attention, hehe.

    Urges are waves, learn to surf ON them, the fun is not to fall off the board. Watch them, they come and go. What saved me mainly, amongst other stuff, is meditation where I just observe sensations, body, not reacting. That reconnected me to myself, brought me back "home".

    You can do it. With the support you find here, with the good experience you've made already. You know it is possible. Get back the faith, be willing to do the work and grow in strength. Then confidence will come and do it's part.
     
    Helpmeplease1258 and Sargiel like this.
  12. It saddens me that someone as young as you has been through all of this but i can see you have had some successes along the way.
    it's obvious to me from your story that when you felt you had a real sense of purpose and doing what you loved (going to uni, being with like minded people) that it left little space in your head to go towards those unhealthy thoughts.

    I can tell you i have been through the mill and had a 15 year long porn addiction from 15 years old to 30 until i got a wake up call from the law due to stuff i had downloaded, much of the behaviour later on in the using was heavily related to narcotics use. for me it was like being in a prison of my own making, throughout the last 3 years of using. For someone like me, i needed to hit that rock bottom but from there i was able to build and i did counselling, Cocaine Anonymous, read up about porn addiction and joined this forum.

    I got involved in practical things that gave me a sense of pride, like construction, model making etc.

    Temptation is everywhere these days with porn becoming so normalised in society but people don't often understand the nefarious nature of it.

    My advice to you is try to do something you really love that is positive, and if you can't do that right away, focus your goals on achieving that. never underestimate the benefit of a good counsellor, i'm very lucky to have an excellent well experienced one local to me who i stopped seeing for about 3 years but have recently started seeing again. I wonder if you maybe haven't found the 'right' counselor i went through two before i found my one, but importantly i was also seriously ready to change when i found the last one as it was shortly after my arrest and the breakdown of my life.

    It's very difficult for us to not put pressure on ourselves because we have this goal in mind and especially early on we fall short of the ideal we set ourselves, i think the most important thing is keeping focused on the goal no matter what. you know succesful people in life don't just wake up one morning and suddenly they are successful, people who get to the top and achieve satisfaction in life have often had to tread a bumpy road and failed their way to success. The key is determination and not losing focus. when we get knocked down we learn from it and re-evaluate.

    I wish you good luck and hope you find your true place in the world
     
  13. Nav11d

    Nav11d Fapstronaut

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    Dear brother you are still young. Dont feel sad you will be alright.
    Now as you have acknowledged your problem you will find a solution. And I think giving nofap a try is good. NoFap doesnt bring mericles but it can help you to become a true self. It can help you with self esteem, Social anxiety and some other problems. But for other problems of your problems you have to take responsiblity yourself. And dont feel disappointed about your self. If you stand up everything will be alright.
     
    Helpmeplease1258 likes this.
  14. My dear friend I know how you exactly feeling. It is really so much depressing and I can relate to your condition as I was planning to commit suicide three months ago but one thing that changed my life. I see that one thing in you and it is the deep and passionate desire to come out of this. You know why you feeling so bad because you are so good at heart admit it and your self love will increase.

    My dear friend I will just let you know ideas that changed my life and I believe that it will definitely work for you because you are just like me.

    First one is to write all your thoughts, all your struggles, all your triggers, all your bad feelings about yourself exactly as going into your mind. Look my friend writing on paper transfers the negative energy from your mind . Then you have to tear those papers and burn them out. Reapeat this process unless your mind is peaceful write with all your rage all your heart all your crying.


    Second is quite simple my friend to start meditation on a app like headspace.start with just five minutes and keep the habit for initial 10 days then you will see the magic.

    Third is to read just two books from the Anybooks app for Android or buy them both in hard copy. The life changing books are The Magic by Rohnda Byrne and power over Pornography by Brian Brendenburg. These books will completely change your life I guarantee you my friend.

    Feel free to ask for any doubts and never feel alone we all are with you in this community. You beautiful life gonna heal just hold on and never ever give up on yourself.:D
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 4, 2020
  15. DeProfundis

    DeProfundis Fapstronaut

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    Yes, it does seem like the OCD is one of your bigger problems. Try to find a good counsellor to help you with that. Therapy may help.

    It may be worthwhile learning how to meditate or practising some kind of mindfulness.

    If stress is really bothering you, maybe time to pick up some healthy hobby or physical exercise, if your health permits. Taking a long walk in nature is helpful for some.
     
    Helpmeplease1258 and Gorgewalker like this.
  16. Hello Friend

    Hello Friend Fapstronaut

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    I'm exactly in the same situation. But I feel like I'm so emotional!
    However, it's because of flatline!
    I just wanna say things might even get worse during NoFap journey! It's the worst part of healing...
    It's really painful but as others say, it will pass.
    So yeah..I feel the same. A feeling like things will never get better so why should I live? I wish I sleep and never wake up, at least that's not suicide...
     
    Helpmeplease1258 likes this.
  17. Strong.men

    Strong.men Fapstronaut

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    I read your story and i am relate to this because i also Have sexual ocd problem, ocd and pmo together are very worst disease i would say one thing i am on 26 day streak but i listen if you do NoFap then your ocd is less then doing NoFap and go to therapist AND tell your ocd, i also search on ocd then people would say CBT (CONGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY ) IS very effective and people will deal more easier on ocd.
     
    Helpmeplease1258 likes this.
  18. Helpmeplease1258 and getbetter73 like this.
  19. Listen to me. I am a middle aged male with a long term history of mental illness.

    I've been institutionalized about 7 times or more, plus rehab.

    What I want you to do, which is what worked for me,

    is to get a complete 90 day reboot done.

    If you feel bad, depressed, have symptoms of OCD or suicidal thoughts,

    just hang in there.

    Keep fighting and pray.

    Don't sit there and think about these things.

    At night, just go to sleep, without PMO.

    All you have to do is make it TODAY without PMO.

    Just TODAY.

    Over time, you will see a great miracle with your mental health.

    The absence of dopamine in the brain restores the brain health.

    And if 90 days doesn't get it, go longer. Be willing to go as long as it takes.

    Do this MY WAY, not anybody else's way.
     
  20. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    I have a method for getting rid of findom addiction. Please PM me.
     
    kammaSati likes this.

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