I am positive porn played a role in making me bisexual\gay

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by MALayhee700, May 22, 2018.

  1. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    I need to carefully explain what I am looking for in this thread, that is advice. Rules for me of course, this is the truth, its pointless to lie when you're asking some people for their opinion on the matter, so going into my memory as far as possible, I will use those events and my introduction to porn at 11.

    I'm not here because I want to stop erectile dysfunction, that's a bonus that will eventually be earned. I am here because in 2016 my views on porn have changed, even though I sometimes regress and watch porn, its not enjoyable anymore, it feels like an addiction that only persist because its programmed in my brain.

    I am interested in killing porn once and for all because through second wave(real radical feminism) feminism. The objective crimes of the porn industry. How the female porn stars are groomed like cattle, abused on set, some of which have been killed or died from STDs. And we're supposed to view that as progress. Same applies to sex work, I paid for women and looking back felt like a scumbag for engaging in it, knowing I can't go back in time and prevent that from happening. The women I paid to sleep with, I physically enjoyed the sensations, but mentally I was confused and grossed out that what I did was not right. So I am hoping porn can be eradicated from my brain for ethical reasons.. Because I view the porn industry no different than wal mart, its slavery. Porn also contributes the the distribution of sex trafficking and abducted and killed women.. A minority of men even experience this.

    Onto homosexuality, I had fought it mentally for 14 years. I already passed the bi curious stages.. Because I sex with men 4 times in my life, you figure the debate would end here, but I'm making the claim no. I think my porn developed a fetish for having my ass penetrated and that's what I loved in gay porn growing up, and with that I got confused, developing attractions to men, when in reality I can't be. Because I have never once sat down and thought to myself " I want to marry a guy and spend my entire life with him." Human memory is malleable, but I know for a fact I never thought that. Does it make me somewhat gay that I have had sex with men, and I could be conditioned to find them attractive when I'm not watching porn?

    The only things not related to porn in regards to homosexuality were during childhood, when I would get defensive about being called gay. I have vague memories of this, but I have second hand memory because my parents remember this, so it did in fact happen.

    I would rather the choice, not to be bisexual or gay. I want to be with a woman.. I'm not grossed out by women. I really think it was a fetish I acquired.. I had terrible fetishes that made no logical sense, like BDSM and vore. So we can agree there that those topics are dangerous and would be classified as a mental illness.

    I also need to mention I have aspergers as well, so that's another mental impediment mixed with the harms of porn that will fuck up my psychology.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2018
  2. leo da king

    leo da king Fapstronaut

    People can become straight by choice. I don't know how, but it was in a study that we were looking at for science.
     
  3. Navegante

    Navegante Fapstronaut

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    There are different grades of homosexuality. One is not 100% or 50% gay. You may have a tendency to prefer males or females but you can also find a particular guy or girl atractive for some reason. However, only you know who you are attracted to.

    In our judeo-Christian culture we have been taught that homosexuality is not good, but not all cultures think that way. The best example is the ancient Greece, where the most important god had many female lovers and one male lover.

    Having said that, I also think that porn can change our sexual tastes. I have wachted gay and shemale porn and when I tried guys in real life I didn't like it, even though my first sexual experiences were with male friends from childhood. I don't reject the possibility to meet another guy in the future, but first I think I need to clean my mind from porn.
     
  4. I do not see the problem, except those brought up by anti-gay religious ideas. If you consider males also attractive and even tried it, why not? If you then found out, you really prefer women, sure. Reality and porn fantasies are two different levels. I had gay sex most time of my life and it has for sure not been developed by any porn, because there was not any porn available to me in my early youthtime. I used of course pictures or movie scenes, which I ´ve recorded by VCR, but I then developed more interest in guys than in girls sexually. So I activley reached out to date men. And later I even considered gay porn quite boring to me, so I prefered to fap sometimes rather to straight porn. But it did not made me "more straight" at all, I am sexually attracted to women only in a mf/m combination, staged lesbian porn scenes for example did absolutly nothing to me, it was just boring. And scenes with humiliated women are disgusting to me, while I have no problems with humiliated or abused men. (both is already kinda sick and perverted in my opinion, but that´s another point and topic; if you do porn long enough, you don´t stay just vanilla in most cases) But in my opinion, you cannot aquire a fetish for anything, that is not already inside you slumbering. Of course it is very questionable to highten the dose of hardporn, but porn alone cannot make anyone gay or straight, (I am not talking about that hypno stuff) because if there is no inner resonance for it, you would just not be interested or even feel disgusted, but not getting any erection at all from it. If you are totally straight or gay, you are just not interested in watching penis/ass or boops/vaginas alone. But most people are bisexual to a more or less degree. This only becomes a problem, if you wanna force yourself into one direction, while surpressing the other tendency. Then it´s not you anymore, who is in charge, but your inner bible preacher whipping you with his guilt sermon. There is not guilt at all in sex as long no one gets harmed, abused or hurt. If two people by free will enjoy having fun together, there is no space or need for any guilt.

    No, they can´t, same as one cannot be gay by choice. You can fake it of course, but you cannot change your true desires permanently. If you have no sexual desire for a person, you cannot force or manipulate yourself into it, without drastic interventions like drugs, medicaments or/and hypnosis.
    People may have a platonic relationship or children and sometimes sex by choice, but they do not move from once passionatly gay to suddenly happy ordinary straight, just by praying and feeling guilty when relapsing. It is possible to brainwash or to condition peoples sexuality temporarly, but not to permanently exchange their sexual core identity, after it has been manifested, without risking to completly deform or damaging the whole identy. Resulting in an outside obedient change, while inside feeling like a dead alive zombie. When people seem successfully to change from the outside, means being lucky after it, they have been bisexual from the beginning already. And these things are nearly always forced by internalized religious guilt ideas or outside social peer pressure, that not living absolutly (monogamous) straight would be perverted or sinful, because else there would be not need to change, fight, deny or surpress aggressivly any (sexual) attraction one feels for the same sex. That doesn´t mean people should just have sex with every person that attracts them, because having sex is not = love. Many men enjoy only sexual fantasies with women and they seem to hate them for it in reality, considered how they like women treated in porn.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2018
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  5. I can relate to your story a little bit. I've never been attracted to men and don't feel I ever will be, I have some gay friends so I know I'm not the same as them. But had gay sex when much younger, in fact too young. So the fantasy has always stayed with me and my porn habits went from occasionally looking at gay porn, to barely being able to look at anything else and it bothers me. Because I just don't think it's who I really am and it just feels detrimental to my psyche. What happened to me when younger has coloured my whole fantasies. But finding this site is helping. I view porn differently than I did before. It's not helping anyone. My fantasies, may never change, may be too ingrained now, but all I'm hoping from this reboot process, is just to find out? Can I feel different, be different? Be less controlled by them and improve my relationships. I think it can. I hadn't PMed for 11 days, until last night. I still haven't looked at Porn. In fact I've actually found that the easy bit surprisingly. But not masturbating, finding much more difficult, the urge is so strong, I gave in. I don't think I'm back to square one though, because just not looking at Porn for 11 days, I do feel better for it. So it feels like just a glimpse of how I can feel, so I'll stick with it, just got to try to avoid the triggers and find better distractions. It's a lifetime of habits, so it's never going to be easy to change, but what do you have to lose by trying it? I do believe it's going to help our mental wellbeing.
    I wish you all the luck friend.
     
  6. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    I'm not religious, but it would be a social status thing for sure. I feel like the only way for me to get a definitive and absolute undeniable answer is to go years without porn and see if it still sticks around. I was never grossed out by gay sex, I could understand why someone would find bare backing gross. Its just that if I truly am bisexual, and I marry a woman, then I'm going to continue to face challenges of sexual excitement, because in a married relationship or even a long term girlfriend, I would never cheat and put her in harms way. I just think that questioning my entire porn viewings is needed to evaluate my sexuality.. I think porn made me look for some attractions in men, because in my view just having sex with your own biological sex alone is not acting straight. They did a study a year ago I think that 22% of American men watch gay porn, that's a pretty high number considering gays view themselves as a minority.. I'm willing to bet that more than half of those men are just porn sick, and that they're not gay themselves.

    I am glad someone can relate to me, but I feel a little different. I view sex with men to be fun like sex with women. Have you had sex with other men? That's where the dilemma for me lies, even if I stopped porn, it wouldn't change the fact I enjoy sex with guys.. If you only watched gay porn and didn't have sex with men, then you can have a case for yourself.. I can't have a case really.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2018
  7. Might be a good idea. Most porn fantasies will never made real or acted out by the men who watch them anyway. No true loss in giving up any porn.

    As a teenager I was in the beginning grossed out by the idea of two men kissing each other. I fantasized about cocks, but hell no way kissing a man at all. That was exclusive for boy+girl only in my countryboy mind. Looking back it seems also kinda like "growing up into sex". I would not say there is a point in life, where "it´s done, now I am finished", except I would decide and limit it for myself. Changes go on, now I am even considering to give up sexual activity completly, at least for certain time periods.

    I believe as long you stay honest with a partner, it´s best foundation for any good relationship. Most serious relationship problems are rooted in the situation, when people cannot be honest even with themselve anymore.
     
  8. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    I never viewed kissing men as gross. One of the most embarrassing things in my life was kissing a boy when I was 6. That's the furthest back I can go, and I'm 25. But kids are not very smart obviously, we're developing. And many people refer to Alfred Kinsey as this hero of the sexual revolution. In reality he was a sick and demented pedophile who diddled babies and said "babies are sexual from birth." I don't like christian fundamentalists, but they had my support when they legally went after Kinsey, for the abusing sick asshole he was.
     
  9. This reads kinda contradicting itself. Either it was "no big deal" or it felt embarassing? Anyway. Talking about embarassing kissing moments, I was once forced to repeatingly kiss a friend (girl) like in a peep show, behind a bush by a bunch of idiot friends of her brother on his birthdayparty. One after the other came inside the bush and we had to kiss in front of him. It was not the thing, that I had to kiss her at all (we had done that before without any shame), but that the boys violently forced us doing it, that made it very humiliating.


    I can go back down to the time being about 2 years. And I remember I got erections those times and enjoying them, while running as fast as I could for example.

    Depends on the children, I would say. Children are often even smarter and direct than grown-ups in some specific questions. Because they are not blocked in the head yet and often very honest.

    I do know about the famous Kinsey-Report of course, but I have not followed or researched anything from the debate about his " baby diddling". So I keep myself back from any further comment about him in this topic.

    I just know by my personal experience and observation, when I have worked with very small kids (under three years), that they indeed have already a sexuality. They curiously examine each other, if given the chance and baby boys get boners. One nearly peed directly into my collegues and my faces, when we changed his pampers, happily smiling at us like the little sunshine he was. While another little girl enjoyed just playing with her pussy or pooping into the water. Not to give you any wrong impressions, they were bathing naked in the summer outside yard together then. This happened about 24 years ago and I wonder how they are all today sometimes.
     
  10. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    Well the issue is I did some gay things as a kid, I also did some straight things as a kid. I think that I should be more forgiving on myself in terms of sexual exploration as a kid to teen. My parents never sat down and "had the talk with me" I had to learn on my own. I did have one memory when I was in boy scouts.. Where I did a bad thing... I drew sexual images of one of the fellow scout's mother and masturbated to it several times.. I then destroyed it piece by piece, to the point where it couldn't be identified as a sexual image, then crammed it into an outhouse. I didn't want the image being found, people can go looking through garbage bags, non sane person would dig through an outhouse.
     
  11. Porn can really fuck with your natural tastes I'm glad your taking steps in the right direction.
     
  12. Navegante

    Navegante Fapstronaut

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    You are gay and you don't know it yet.
     
  13. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    Homosexuality is in nature though.. What you call perfect or imperfect is subjective from your human bias. But yes, transgenderism is a sexual fetish. You can never be the opposite sex.
     
  14. KillCommunism

    KillCommunism Fapstronaut

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    What does it matter that occurs in nature? Everything occurs in nature. Cancer occurs in nature. Being born with 11 fingers or 11 toes instead of 10 occurs naturally. That isn't a defense of homosexuality. I even already said it occurs in nature when I said nature doesn't hit a home run every time.

    I didnn't say anything about being perfect or imperfect.
     
  15. Thank you for your testimonial OP. This is similar to what Ted Bundy said, the often pornography and violent or even pedo.. pornography contributed a lot to sexual convicted inmates.

    At the end of the day sexuality is psychological not biological driven. Psychological is super related to biologycal and chemical. They are one and the same. The brain IS part of the body. And vice versa. The brain makes the body sleep, or go into adrenaline mode and lift a car to save ones child. The psychological fear in the brain is what makes innamates on death row die of stress the night before. Because left alone they ponder they will die. The psychological illusion in the brain is what kills one of financial stress as if a dangerous beast is attacking them, despite being safe at home.

    Also, medications and unhealthy parasites in the body can cause specific moods and patterns in the host.

    So both body affect brain and brain affect body!!!

    Often you hear homosexual females say they are tired of men not being sensible enough to them and knowing what they want. Again, psychological complex that has released many times specific hormonal activity in the body and now has wired them to this stereo way.

    Same if the sex instinct (instinct = subconsciouss, not consciouss) is not disciplined and with the right stimuli and acceptance (psychological reaction = immunitary reaction) the sex instinct evolves for homo and byo sex. Orgy and more rough acts. Zoolophilia and pedophilia. Corpse phillia, very violent phillia. 'Hentai', Etc..
     
  16. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    My oppinion your problem can be solved is u choose to

    And i suggest you go straight and with woman

    Maybe in your country that mariage between man and man is permissiable, but come on thats not right

    Man are created for woman and vice versa

    I mean i never seen in my life that two male cheetach or lion fuck each other, event the animal know the normal.thing so i suggest u stay straight


    And i saw your counter so porn might help you cure this addiction but abstain from porn itself cannot change you completly, u must do certain action to make u straight maybe that include hanging out with ur friend, have a girlfriend etc
     
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  17. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I can only speak from personal experience but for me, NoFap did help in reducing the power certain fetishes had over my mind and in the case of a few, eliminating them forever. However, I never went beyond fantasy, and in my case it was obvious that the fantasies were porn induced as I never had them before I started watching porn. In your case, its really hard to say, and I dont want to try and label you, but it really does seem like you are bisexual but more romantically inclined with women than men. I know you have already kinda answered this in earlier posts but I have to ask; if you have slept with men and women before, and enjoyed it, then what exactly is the issue?
     
  18. A346

    A346 Fapstronaut

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    To the OP, only you know the answer. I don’t think anyone’s opionion should be listened too and I mean that kindly. Even from my self, if I was to comment on your sexuality.

    Your body, your mind, your life. Just do what makes you happy. If you want reassurance, get it from the people that love you. Not the ones who do not know the real you.

    And for those saying what’s right and what’s wrong, just let it go in one ear and out the other!

    And finally, no two people are the same. Go with the flow!
     
  19. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    I actually admit that even if I can successfully reboot, nothing will change. Because I have already had sex with both women and men and wasn't grossed out by either. I think you can be addicted to gay porn and be grossed out by a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex, I didn't experience that.
     
  20. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Well in which I have to ask why you are rebooting at all if you think nothing will change? If you have accepted that you enjoy sex with both genders then what is the issue? I'm sorry if you have already explained but I dont have the time atm to go back and read every reply.
     

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