I am so Sorry

Here "I am sorry" was an excuse to do it again. As long as he was sorry, it was ok. Like being or dealing with ED or PIED or DE was fun, then it got dreadful. Hey I am sorry I played with my wanker so much that I cannot do anything with you because you’re not porn or the porn I like to watch. Or hey, let me put you in this really uncomfortable position so maybe just maybe something will rise up. Instead of looking in your eyes, I want to have my eyes closed so I can fantasize in my head. I am a very selfish person, I am so sorry. I am so sorry I am a dirty bird, seem like a pervert, and do not sleep too sound because I may be doing things in the night to you or beside you, or taking pictures of you.
Mine was also a Narc and it is a battle to finish splitting up. And just now when I did not want to speak to him, he was going to knock the pies out of my hands that I had just gotten, homemade. Or the anger if I say no to sex because it’s mechanical if it works at all. The list goes on and I am not saying I am perfect, but this has drove me to a point of no return. It is too true, that which you finally SEE you cannot be unseen. I am so glad my trauma goes away so much quicker now. Today I felt free once again, not believing his lies and the craziness or his criticizing me, saying all I do is bitch. Hell, I do not even complain.
"So Sorry" is nothing here to me and without really working at seeing what a relationship should be like, it is all abuse. Emotional abuse, Sexual abuse and most of the time it leads to Physical Abuse and Intimacy Anorexia which is also abuse. I do not miss feeling like I am trapped or catching me where I can be pinned in and forcing affection on me. Most of all I do not miss the rejection that comes from a self-serving man, who will reject the woman in front of him for an onscreen woman to enjoying himself with. Or one that gets sex then has the chaser effect.
I am not Sorry that I have seen the light of day, know when I am being manipulated, projected upon or gaslighted. I am not sorry that I have seen the truth, despite words.
The lies last week said it all, not your words.....