I am stuck in a streak, binge cycle?

Firstly I just want to say that I do occasionally masturbate just using my imagination.

I put my main focus in to stopping all porn and all artificial sexual stimulation.

But I seem to be stuck in a streak, binge cycle.

So my previous streak I got 35 days of no porn or artificial sexual stimulation. But then at the end of this streak I went in to a PMO binge that lasted 2 days. Then after this I got a streak of 19 days of no porn or artificial sexual stimulation, but then today on the 20th day I have relapsed and went in to a PMO binge.

I just seem to be stuck in this cycle, streak, binge, streak, binge.

Is anyone else stuck in this cycle?

Will I be seeing any progress from this sort of pattern?

 

I feel like I might be in a different situation from a lot of other guys on this. So when I explain my situation on here I feel like a lot of other guys might not understand my situation because the way they are staying away from porn and artificial sexual stimulation is probably different from me. I believe many guys on this will of got to a point where they are very good at using their own willpower to stay away from porn and artificial sexual stimulation. Where as the way I have made progress at staying away from it is being seriously restricted from it for a long time, getting better and better at restricting my self from it over the years, and it's not so much to do with my willpower improving.

I know for a fact if I wasn't seriously restricting my self like this from it that I wouldn't of reached 35 days. I wouldn't be getting anywhere near as long streaks away from it. I would be relapsing and binging much more often. I wouldn't be getting streaks of near enough a month away from it if I wasn't seriously restricted from it.

I basically have a system in place where most of the time I literally can't access any porn or artificial sexual stimulation. But I can plan to get it in advance, waiting up to a week until I can get it. So I guess this is what I have been doing sometimes. Being clean from it for like a month, then planning to get it in advance, then when I do get it going in to a binge for like a day or two.

I think there is a few reasons why I actually plan to go back to it. One issue is like you say there is a lot of ups and downs without it. Sometimes I can feel great away from it, but then other times in my life I can feel terrible mentally and psychically. Sometimes I can feel so stressed out and have such a low mood, going in to a way of thinking where I think life is so pointless that I think I might as well go back on to it to get some enjoyment in my life. That is the way I can feel sometimes. As I feel like all that stuff can temporarily be very stress relieving, and it can also let me just overall somewhat escape from life for a certain amount of time. I also feel like I need to push my self more to get out in the real world and do more healthy things I enjoy, as I feel like this could be another reason I am returning to porn and artificial sexual stimulation.

Another reason I believe I return to it is actually being like a month off it it's almost like I actually forget how bad it is. After not seeing anything like that for like a month. Then another issue is the thought of going back to it can become very exciting. Like after literally not seeing anything like that for about a month and then the thought I am going to get that within a week is very exciting, and then when the time starts counting down and it gets nearer to the time everything is going to become unblocked on my laptop it begins to get more exciting and more exciting. But then after I get it and binge on it for a day or two days ext, I then quickly remember how bad it is again and I go back to blocking it and go back to getting another streak away from it completely.

This seems to be the cycle I am stuck in.

It's definitely a cycle I want to get out of. But I would still like to think I am making some progress from this.

Like the worst case scenario if this cycle kept happening exactly like this, this would mean I would be on porn and artificial sexual stimulation about 15-20 days a year on average, and I would be clean from porn and artificial sexual stimulation about 345-350 days a year on average. I would like to think I would be making some progress from this.

That being said though I do still want to get out of this cycle and never go back to porn and artificial sexual stimulation at all. I definitely want to get away from the binging behaviour on porn and artificial sexual stimulation.