I approach girls (My journal)

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by SPIRITUSS, Sep 22, 2020.

  1. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I went out this afternoon. I saw a buddy who is a seduction coach who was also there to approach girls.
    Right at the beginning, he gave me the challenge to do something that terrified me.
    I approached 5 girls and a guy who were sitting at a bar having a drink. There was one girl among them that I was interested in.

    After that, it was so incredible, I was so proud of myself that I went into a state of flow. A state where I no longer had any fear. Either my energy level was at its peak, and my self-confidence was incredible.
    Being hypersensitive everything is amplified.
    I approached 17 girls this afternoon.
    I've had 4 numbers and I probably have a date tomorrow.
    It's incredible oh my god

    I also wanted to share with you the importance of taking care of yourself on a daily basis.
    Meditating every day, eating healthily, blowing my face off at the gym makes me feel good about myself.
    It's mostly about my thoughts that I feel the difference. I don't have parasitic thoughts anymore. When I walk down the street I don't think about anything at all. I enjoy the sun, I feel my whole body and I'm just happy to be there and have the opportunity to go and talk to the girls I like. To meet them and to bring this tremendous energy and positivity that I have inside me.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2020
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  2. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    MY STORY

    I was harassed at school for 3 years. From 12 to 15 years old. I have always been the sensitive and shy little guy who doesn't dare to assert himself and say what he thinks. Introverted, I was also small and skinny.
    I always had adorable but overprotective parents. My mother did everything for me. I couldn't learn things by myself and face life like most kids my age.
    I didn't really have any close friends. No girlfriend. No parties.
    From the age of 15 to 19, I took refuge in sports. That's when I really realized that I was a different person. I had this ability to surpass myself and push my limits.
    I was semi-professional in my sport. I trained every day. I had a set schedule while other kids my age were partying.
    Every weekend I would go to the other side of the country to compete at a high level.

    But I was mentally weak. Being hypersensitive everything was amplified exponentially. Defeats could make me depressed for weeks.
    My coaches didn't understand. After all the effort I was making I still didn't have confidence in myself.
    I have always done more than others in my sport. I can't tell you how many hours I spent to achieve my dream of becoming a professional. To compete at the world championships.

    When I was 19, my coach with whom I was very close told me that it was too late and that I would never achieve my dream.
    I had a big depression after that. A one-year depression in which I gave up everything.
    I was left with nothing. No friends, no project, no girlfriend, no goal. Nothing. I didn't know how to socialize. I didn't understand people. I found them too different and not interesting.

    I went back to school when I was 20 and met my best friend on the first day.
    A 2-year friendship was born. It was with him that I started this process of going to talk to girls I liked.
    I needed a new dream. We were 2 friends completely lost in life.
    2 years later I realized that this friend was harmful to me. He was jealous that I was doing much more than he was. That I had better results.
    We argued and I never saw him again. I know that he gave up on this process. It was too difficult for him.
    It took me a year to get my first result with a girl. A horrible year in which I had to persevere despite the failures. In spite of my mental state, in spite of fear, rejection.

    Believe me, I have gone through every state possible and imaginable.
    In spite of failures I approached every day. I questioned myself. I tried to understand what was wrong and why it wasn't working.
    Believe me, it was horrible. I went through hell. But I knew in my heart that it was incredible what I was doing. Because I had come out of this bubble of comfort that I had created for myself all my life. This bubble where I was lying to myself. I told myself it would get better later. That a girl would love me for who i am. I took action, I questioned myself every day. I knew I was on the right path.

    I think what makes me the proudest is that I dared to do things I never thought I could do. Groups of girls on the street, in the evening, in the subway. Girls alone. Groups with guys and girls, moms with their daughters.
    The results did not make me happier. That's what's contradictory because we tend to believe that getting what we want makes us happy. We all have desires to satisfy.

    But what has made me happy is to be okay with myself and to grow as a person. To see that I was progressing every day even though it was very difficult.
    Overcoming your fears every day when you feel like crap. That's what I did.

    Anything is possible. believe me.
    It takes willpower. Honesty to yourself. Perseverance. With all that, you can do anything.

    It's only just beginning. Honestly, I still feel like I'm at the beginning of this journey

    But yeah this is an adventure
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2020
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  3. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

    “I don't know how to start that random bullshit brother. Non-verbal part I agree, and is all okay. But I can't just go over to a girl, say "Hi" and then what? I am asking you for actual words to blurt out to ask or conversation openers to say to her.”


    @gcamt123 Hey man, regarding the above, after you say hi, and she says hi, you can say “how’s it going”. Usually if someone wants to talk, after you ask them how’s it going, they’ll share a thing or two which you can use as a key word for what you are going to say next. For example after the girl says “it’s going good, just running some errands” you can say “me too” or share whatever you were doing before you saw her.

    From there, pay attention to her and your surroundings. The surroundings may lead to discussing what’s around you two at the time. Paying attention to her helps you see if she’s in a hurry, relaxed etc, and to make assumptions of who she is, to keep the conversation going.

    Also depending on how extreme the weather is (super cold, or super hot) you can use that somewhere in there, just keep the weather talk brief, and show emotion. For example don’t just say “it’s hot.” But “damn it’s so damn hot outside!”.

    It really isn’t about what you say, but how you say it and the emotion and vibe you put into the interaction. Hope that helps.
     
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  4. gcamt123

    gcamt123 Fapstronaut

    @ruso
    Thanks man!! Appreciate your help really!
    That's what I was asking for all this time. Thanks again friend!
    All the best!
     
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  5. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    It's scary how it always works the same way.

    I see a beautiful girl :

    • I move my feet before thinking
    • I say what's on my mind.
    • I look at her reaction and I show social intelligence. I show her that I see what's going on in front of me. This involves being fully present to yourself and this girl and being attentive.
    • If she is interested, I sexualize the conversation quickly, rather non-verbally. With looks, smiles and leaving silences. I don't force interaction. If I have nothing to say I say nothing. If I can't do it non-verbally, I make her understand that I like her with one sentence but no more. Like "I like your eyes". I'd rather take that risk than not showing interest. I certainly don't hide my emotions. I don't try to please her because I already do.
    • If she doesn't show any sign of interest I don't sexualize the conversation. I remain neutral and talk to her about what I do in life, my interests. I show social value and I bring some fun and energy to the interaction
    • If after that she is interested, I sexualize.
    • Otherwise, I stay and talk with her a little if the conversation is cool and I wish her a good day.

    For me, this is the structure to respect for a successful interaction with a girl.
    There is no exact science to seduce a girl but if you don't have any structure in mind to make something happen with that girl, she won't do it for you and you'll end up in the friendzone.
    It's like driving without a license. You don't know what you're doing.
    I will never tell her something that doesn't bring any interest to the relationship. Even when i go talk to her for the first time. If I don't care about what she does in life I don't ask her. If I don't care about the weather I certainly don't talk about it. It's a sign of self-respect. Not filling an interaction with sentences is much better than saying things to say things because you are afraid of silences.
    This goes much deeper and involves keeping control of one's body and emotions. If you are overwhelmed by stress and anxiety you will say things without being aware of it (awareness is key)

    That's why it's important to practice regularly because you get into a stage where you don't care about the consequences because you know you can talk to any girl.

    And when you don't care there is no pressure. You are able to express yourself fully.

    And it goes even deeper (sorry I'm like that, I like to analyze things).
    When you meet a lot of girls you become kind to them. You can't hurt them anymore because you know that if you lose a girl you can meet another one whenever you want. You no longer have that weird feeling that all guys who don't meet a lot of girls have: being attached to a girl way too quickly and acting excessively and uncontrollably. Hurting girls because deep down you feel like crap.

    This brings positivity everywhere and not only to yourself but also to girls. Whether for serious relationships or not.

    It is learning to love yourself unconditionally. You learn to go and talk to girls but you don't need them anymore because you feel complete. And when you feel complete you meet girls who are fulfilled and at ease with themselves. It's the best way to build fulfilling relationships.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2020
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  6. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I realized that it's all about perception. When you don't have relationships with girls, you tend to blame yourself. But sometimes it's just that we have wrong beliefs.

    And in reality, it's easy to change some things. For example, I had an unconscious belief that I couldn't be sexual with girls.
    One day I said to myself, "Fuck it, I don't care about the consequences, I want to prove to myself that I can be sexual."
    I talked to a girl, looked her in the eye with a smile and said "I had to come talk to you because I find you sexy". It didn't matter that it wasn't calibrated and out of context, I had taken a step.
    Because I was finally starting to take responsibility for my desire for girls. I realized that I came out of that interaction alive, that everything went well.

    And if it went well, it means that I still have other beliefs to destroy and that I can try to go further and further in this exploration. I can try new things, new states of mind.

    Nothing is definitive, it is possible to change everything. But you have to be honest with yourself and accept to fail in order to learn. There is no such thing as failure. Again, it is a question of perception. Rejections will allow you to go further and further in this process of personal realization.
    Either it happens the way you want it to, or you learn.
     
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  7. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    Not caring is key.

    When you stop caring about things you can't control, it becomes unbelievable.

    Example

    - Not caring what to say or not knowing what to say
    - Not caring about the girl's reaction
    - Not caring about results
    - Not caring ppl's opinion
    - Not caring about being good or not good
    - Not caring about our thoughts
    - Not caring about our past
    - Not caring about our future



    All that matters is now. You have never lived a moment in the past or in the future. There are no problems! You're breathing, you're alive. That's enough.
    All that matters is you. On the last day of your life you will be alone with yourself.
    Trying to control things that are not controllable, like knowing what to say to a girl is stupid. Because you're thinking about the future when you do that. You're looking for an answer that can't be found rationally.

    If you can't control all this, why don't you just not care. It's much simpler that way. And taking action becomes much easier.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2020
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  8. Hi Spirituss, gonna comment this thread so that I have my notifications activated!
     
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  9. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Thats stoicism
     
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  10. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I've been rejected all my life. By my friends, my teachers, my coaches, girls.
    I have always felt out of step with others.
    Maybe I am a little too true for today's world.
    Anyway, I ended up thinking that I wasn't enough. That I had to adapt in order to be accepted. Change who I am to please.
    And it's normal to have that reaction. What would you have done in my place? When nothing works, you try to do things differently. We end up believing that we are too different.

    The most important thing I've learned in these 3 years is that results don't make us happier. I see so many people on this forum and in my social circle looking outside for the answers. To be more productive, more attractive, more beautiful, stronger.
    But all this for what? As if we weren't enough.
    I have a friend who is a dating coach and has slept with over 60 girls in his life. It hasn't made him any happier. He still feels empty inside. I can feel it and see it. He knows how to talk to girls but what is his relationship with himself? That's the most important thing for me.

    True love comes from within. Looking for answers on the outside is using people or ego to fill that void.
    Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. You can get anything you want, acquire any skill and still feel empty and unhappy. You will surely fall into this infernal circle of searching for perfection.
    And all this for what? To exist in the eyes of others because you have been rejected all your life. All the efforts you make do not come from a feeling of love for yourself but from a feeling of lack, of frustration.

    Being honest with yourself and recognizing this is the most difficult thing.

    Existing in the eyes of others, having "super powers" thanks to nofap for example. What does it bring? Do you think that when you walk down the street people will look at you and say "oh you are so beautiful, strong, I want to be like you"?
    People don't care about you. We live in a world full of lack of confidence but where everything is fine on the surface.Do you think this will make you feel better about yourself? You will always be dissatisfied. You will always want more.

    I decided to stop this fight with myself. The "no pain, no gain" mindset. That thing that kills you from the inside and only contributes to making you even more unhappy.
    I decided to take care of myself.
    The real success for me is in learning to love myself. Looking yourself in the mirror right in the eyes and saying I love you. Fully realizing my identity. To constantly remind myself of what I have done, all the efforts I have made. difficult moments, failures, regrets, moments of joy, victories, accomplishments.
    It's all part of you.
    I have decided to stop living in the future or hoping that things will be better than they are today.
    Because if I am honest with myself I know that a life without problems does not exist.
    That a life without doubt, without fear, without insecurities does not exist.

    I can breathe, I can see the sky, I can feel my body, I feel pride in everything I've accomplished so far. Of all the efforts I've made. How can I not feel love for myself.

    Learn to love yourself, to feel kindness in everything you do. That's the best advice I can share here. Don't take action out of lack but out of love.
     
  11. Great work man!

    I have a question. Do you approach women cause of her vibe?

    Do you feel the special about certain women? That special, that is so rare, when you encouter it in a women, it breaks your heart. You know this kind of lovelyness, kindness and greatfullness which all women have but just a few show up.
     
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  12. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    Thanks man!

    Your question is very interesting and I'll try to answer it as honestly as I can :)

    Most of the time when I see a girl on the street I don't have time to see her vibe beyond what she looks like. Being hypersensitive I believe that I can perceive things in people that others cannot. But I need time to sit down and observe what is happening in front of me. And it goes too fast when I walk down the street.
    So no, most of the time I approach girls I like physically and that's it and then I see.

    But sometimes I don't approach a girl because I feel she's too superficial for me. I feel that even if I'm physically attracted to her it can't work.
    And I'm rarely wrong about that.

    But the more I grow up, the more I change the way I see things. What you said is very interesting. I think that all girls are adorable, tender and nice deep down. But you have to know how to go beyond the first impression. You have to know how to make girls feel confident and at ease with you. Most of them have developed a shell that prevents them from expressing themselves and showing their emotions.
    Often when a date doesn't work out, at least for me, I know why. I was not able to create that bubble of comfort and positive emotions with this girl during the date.

    To be able to create this connection with more and more girls is why I started. It goes through a lot of questioning, rejection...
     
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  13. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    Positive points

    - I approached 4 girls. This is very positive
    - I dared to really show my vulnerability. I assumed that I liked these girls without any complex and by practicing radical honesty.
    - I feel quite comfortable during the interaction

    To improve

    - I feel a lot of anxiety. I can't really understand why.
    - I talk too much. I should let the girl express herself much more often. It's because of the anxiety I felt today, I know that.

    What I learned

    It's not as difficult as you might think. You always want it to be perfect, but it's when you accept that it's not perfect that it becomes very cool.
    It's possible to meet girls even if you don't have a lot to say.
    Expressing our vulnerability and agreeing to show our emotions is not for everyone. Because we've all been taught to hide our "weaknesses". Yet it is these weaknesses that help make us more human and attractive.
    We should stop this fight with ourselves to become best version of ourselves because we're already what we're chasing.
     
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  14. rob13_

    rob13_ Fapstronaut

    Just... What?
     
  15. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    Hello everyone.

    I want to tell you that I am starting a relationship with a girl I met on the street.

    I am not yet in a relationship with her but I really like her. we have seen each other several times and everything is going very well.
    I will take up this journal one day maybe. Thank you all for your support.
     
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  16. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

    Hey man, wish you luck with the girl
     
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  17. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    We have seen each other a few times but we don't start anything together.

    I approached 3 girls today and got2 numbers. I went to talk to a girl who was walking down the street with her mother. This is the 5th time I've done this and it's one of the situations that usually scares me the most. But I feel that I'm starting to mature and see fear in a different way after 3 years of practice.
     
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  18. InTheWilderness

    InTheWilderness Fapstronaut

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    Wish you well with the ladies, my friend. As for those reading, here’s a few of my thoughts:

    The time we’re living in is a little crazy and messed up because of the #MeToo and feminism. Also one person already mentioned in this thread that you never know the kind of surprise you’ll get once those two legs are opened. There was a sad incident that happened a year or so back, where a man shot and killed his girl after finding out that she was a man, previously.

    Growing up, I never chased after girls, and I was in my own little world. But as you get older, you will start to have spidy sense. You can tell, with high accuracy if that person likes you, and it’s all in the eyes and body language. I had two encounters at two different grocery stores. One was probably in her 20s, and the other probably in early high school. (I’m in my 30s but I don’t look my age). Both were attractive. Both worked at the stores they’re at. I was able to tell because I went to the same stores frequently and picked up their eyes movement and body language. There was also one time I was at the movie with a friend. Two girls in front of us... once the credit start rolling, as we were about to leave, one of them looked at me, and then turned to her girlfriend, said something and they both looked at me. I looked at them both, then minded my own business and left as if nothing happened.

    I was at Starbucks one time getting my drink. There was a girl waiting in line. I checked her out, gave her my eyes contact for a few seconds (just for fun/experiment). Then looked away to my drink. She picked up the signal. And after she ordered her drink, and while waiting, she repositioned herself and stood not that far from where I was as if to say “You can approach me now.. I’m waiting.” I never did and left. And just recently while waiting for the bus, I was zoned out, turned around to check my surrounding, and immediately saw this high school girl looking at me, her face turned red, and slowly in slow motion turned her head away (to appear natural and pretend that she wasn’t looking at me). I can go on and on, but here’s the thing: I’m a virgin and not ashamed of it.

    As you get older, you will have more confident in yourself and know who you are. You walk with your head up and looking straight. You tend to understand women more than when you were in your teen. You’re able to pick up subtle signals such as eyes and body movement from the opposite sex. I’m a Christian, so hookup and one night stand is not something I engage in.

    Focus working on yourself. Along the way, if there’s opportunity to meet and get to know the opposite sex, go ahead, but its not the end of the world if there isn’t. Lift, eat well, sleep well, study well, and find God and get to know Him and be confident. Women will start to notice you.
     
  19. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I deeply respect your faith and your choices, but I want to bring something to your post.

    Eating healthy, exercising, having life goals other than talking to girls is definitely important. To be healthy, feel happy and feel good about yourself. But this is not an end, it is the beginning. It's a foundation you can build on.
    Just because you feel good about yourself doesn't mean you know how to talk to girls.
    Just because you have goals, you're handsome, muscular, rich doesn't mean you'll be successful.
    Just because girls notice you doesn't mean you'll have a relationship with them. If you don't talk to them in most cases nothing will happen. Your ego will just be nurtured and you'll think you like it, but that's it.
    I've seen so many good looking guys who attract a lot of girls but because they don't dare to talk to them they end up with uninteresting ugly girls.

    Mental well-being is a base and not an end. Taking action is what will make the difference from feeling good and at peace to getting results.

    To approach girls is to give yourself the right to have a choice. And when you have a choice you are no longer a slave to chance. You see a girl on the street and you know that you can seduce her because you have learned (thanks to rejection, multiple learning and difficult moments). You have become aware of your value by practicing and talking to girls as if you wanted to be good at practicing an instrument.

    Those who focus on themselves and not on girls are the most insecure because they deny their sexual desire by promoting their ego. It's all bullshit because they are the first to seize the first opportunity when a girl is interested in them, even if that girl is uninteresting and ugly.

    When you talk to a lot of girls you learn to respect yourself, to not care about girls and what happens to you (for example, if a girl rejects you), because you know you can meet another girl the next day on the street, on the bus, in a store, it doesn't matter. It's learning to respect yourself
    I took a girl's number today but from my point of view it wasn't intense enough so I'm not going to see her again.
    A lot of guys even if the interaction wasn't good would have taken the opportunity to see that girl again when they didn't want to. Just because they don't have a lot of choices in their lives. dating is something you can learn. I see so many guys telling me that they don't need to talk to girls to have relationships.It's true, but then again, they'll never have a choice and they'll be dependent on the outside world, on other people's eyes, on girls who care about them. Not about what they really want
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2020
  20. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I am not saying that those who approach girls are superior to others. On the contrary, it's learning to love ourselves and leaving our ego aside.
    If my ego ever gets the upper hand on this journal I will notice it and it will mean that I still have a lot of work to do. Because our ego is the main obstacle in this process.

    I respect every choice and I'm happy to have feedback on this thread and to be able to talk about it with you guys
     

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