I approach girls (My journal)

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by SPIRITUSS, Sep 22, 2020.

  1. InTheWilderness

    InTheWilderness Fapstronaut

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    Don’t worry friend, you don’t come off as egoistic at all. Nor did I get the sense that you’re putting yourself above those that don’t approach. Like everything in life, to get good at anything requires practice. Theory and knowledge alone is not enough. So you’re absolutely correct.

    For religious folks it’s a little different and nuances.
     
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  2. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I inform you that we will be re-confined for 1 month.
    I approached 5 girls on the street today, I really enjoyed it and I'm going to miss it.

    My sentence of the day "you are my last hope, we are going to be confined and I still don't have a girlfriend". So funny
     
  3. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    I once approached a bull , he smashed me with his horns grgrgrhrrgr but Queek promised vengeance to him yesyesyeyses
     
  4. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    This is probably the most important post in my journal and I would love to hear your feedback on this thought.

    Why radical honesty is the key to this process and will make you happy.

    what is radical honesty?

    It is verbally expressing our emotions as they are, our values and what we want. Without a filter and without expecting anything in return.
    For example, telling a girl that we just want to sleep with her instead of making her believe that we want to be in a relationship with her when deep down inside we don't.

    Some guys say we need to be challenging. Mysterious. "Mysterious," lol that always makes me laugh. It's important to keep a game of seduction. But you can do it without wearing a mask and be someone you're not. You can seduce a girl by being very nice. What's really attractive is a guy who puts his needs and values ahead of anyone else. It's a guy who, no matter what happens to him, remains aware of who he is. And will never question his values, his behavior, who he is, for a girl. He is a guy who expresses who he is without filters and doesn't need girls to be happy.


    The benefits of radical honesty :

    - You'll have fulfilling, honest and happy relationships.
    - It's to piss off what we think that girl wants with us and express what WE want.
    - A guy who knows what he wants and expresses it without filter and without expecting anything is very attractive.
    - By doing so, you send a very powerful message to the girls you meet: "I'm giving you the choice to enter my world, here's what you should expect, i'm not hiding anything. If it's no, it won't change my day, and I wish you the best".
    - You will feel good with yourself because you will respect your emotions, your values.
    - Believe me, it's easier to say what you think than to hide something.
    - You become independent from the outside world. You finally bring your needs to the forefront and you finally take yourself into consideration. It's kindness to yourself.
    - You will never hurt girls again because you will learn to love yourself.

    I would also like to add something. Happiness does not depend on your accomplishments or anything external. Happiness is there, you just don't realize it. The more you are aware of your deeper identity, of the present moment, of your body. And above all, the more you respect your values and who you are regardless of what may happen to you, the happier you are. It's a decision you have to make. There will always be rejection no matter what decision you make, even if you do everything you can to avoid rejection. So you might as well make the right decision.

    Why do I take so much action even though I feel like shit sometimes ? What's the difference between a beginner and an experienced one?

    The experienced one has realized that he is not his thoughts but that he is much more than that. The beginner listens constantly to his inner dialogue. He is a slave to this voice that tells him not to do this or that.
    And it's easy to realize this. If you can observe your thoughts, you are not your thoughts. So this voice that tells you "you're going to get rejected, you're going to fail, you're a failure" is not you :)

    On the other hand, what I feel is representative of reality. That's what you have to listen to. When you see an incredible girl and your heart starts beating fast, when you feel the excitement rising. That's what life is all about. All you have to do is put your thoughts aside and go express your feelings to this girl. That is true purity and self love

    Why it's so difficult to express our emotions and what we deeply want

    - Our ego is far too important. What is ego is the image we perceive of ourselves. The image we want to project and preserve in the eyes of people. Without a benevolent look from others, we are nothing. This is what our subconscious believes.
    When you approach a lot of girls in your everyday life, you hack the system and reprogram your brain. You get rejected SO many times that you realize (consciously and unconsciously) that you can't please everyone. That at the end of your life, you will be alone with yourself and that you matter more than anyone else. Because you are in your body. You spend your time dreaming but you are always there with yourself until the end of your life.
    But most of all, since you can't please everyone, why not fully express who you are and what you want with the girls you meet?

    It's difficult because we have never been taught to express our deepest identity because we do everything every day to be accepted, without even realizing it. We change who we are to be part of the group.
    To approach a girl in the street is to say fuck to all the beliefs we've accumulated over the years and finally take ourselves into consideration. It's learning to express our weaknesses, our values, our vulnerability, without pretending.

    The first step is finally to be honest with yourself and put your ego aside. You cannot express who you are and what you want if you are not even aware of it.
    We all have things we hide. The problem is that this wound eventually reveals itself much later if we don't let it out.

    (I have never read any books on this subject. I learned everything by myself in 3 years of intensive practice. Everything I say is not theoretical but comes from my own experience in field.)

    We tend to listen and believe our thoughts rather than trust life, feel things and express them. This prevents us from enjoying life. This is my conclusion.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2020
  5. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    My roommate invited his girlfriend to spend the confinement with us. For 1 month minimum.

    I'm going to take this opportunity to continue working on myself. Eat healthy, meditate, relax...
    The important thing is to feel good in my body and in my head so that at the end of the confinement I can approach girls very easily and find an intense rhythm easily.

    Another thing, there is our neighbor who is incredibly sexy that we are going to invite for a party next week. There will be 4 of us: my roommate with her girlfriend and me with her. I don't know if she's in a relationship now. I had already asked her to go for a drink like 2 months ago but we both had some unexpected events.
    I don't put any pressure on myself. I know that my roommate is going to have sex with his girlfriend while I might have nothing. But I take it as an exercise to see if I am able to be comfortable with myself despite the outside events. Do I still compare to others after all these effort? That's what I wanna know.
    The most important thing for me is still the relationship I have with myself. It doesn't matter what the results are. Every day I ask myself the question: Do I love myself? If the answer is yes, there is no point in worrying. Everything is ok.

    Concerning our neighbor I will see. If she's cool I'll take a risk and that's it. It works, it doesn't work, I don't care. That's life :) the important thing is not to have regrets.
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2020
  6. Man start loving an treating yourself good before others start doing it.
    People only love people who love themselves, who can be good even without anyone. Who are mentally stable and healthy. And in our case, highly manly!
     
    Knascher6789 likes this.
  7. Wow, love it man!!
     
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  8. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    You seem like a person who understands life. Good luck.
     
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  9. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    Yesterday we invited our neighbor who came with a friend of hers. A girl too.
    I must say I like her. I hadn't talked to her many times before that. It's purely physical.

    I had a lot of expectations, a lot of doubts. Being confined and not being able to approach girls makes me doubt myself. For me it's important to keep an intense rhythm.

    Well guess what. The evening went really well. Those girls were really cool. And I realized that I didn't like our neighbor so much in the end. She's nice but I don't feel anything towards her. Her friend is charming but physically I wasn't attracted to her. That's when I realized that I'm much more attracted to what a person exudes, to their presence than to their physical appearance.

    I also wanted to talk to you about my relationship with doubts. As I told you I have doubts, insecurities, anxiety like most people. But the difference is in what we do with those fears.
    In fact, it is impossible to avoid rejection. In life you will get rejected no matter what you do. So instead of trying to avoid rejection at all costs, why not welcome it with love?

    That's what I said to myself yesterday.I said to myself, "Dude, you're scared, but accept that and go with your heart, enjoy the moment, that's all you can control. Stop thinking and look around you. Nothing bad has happened yet, you're on your couch waiting".
    It's like approaching a girl on the street. It's much more than accepting our fears. It's welcoming them and being proud of them. Because it's those fears that make us unique.
     
  10. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I have a friend who is a seduction coach who has slept with over 60 girls in his life. He's one of the most unfulfilled guy on the inside that I know. Everything is beautiful on the outside. If you see him approach a girl, you'll think he's a god because he knows how to do it. And he does it very well. He has frequent results.

    But in spite of all this he still doesn't feel at peace with himself. He talked to me about that. He has fallen into this infernal spiral of always having more. And all this At the age of 30. He had results very quickly when he started this process.

    I am the opposite of him. I've always worked much harder than others to get the same results. And honestly I don't have the same results as him. But I have realized that all that matters is the relationship I have with myself.

    All the hard times you go through. All those moments where you doubt, or you're afraid, or you feel like crap are moments that make you grow. All that matters is you. Not the outside. You can't have fulfilling relationships if you don't feel at peace with yourself. It's disrespect for women and for yourself.

    That's what he has done all his life, even if he talks to girls every day. Even when you work on yourself you can still feel incomplete if you don't see this process in the right way. Everything comes from within. All these difficult moments contribute to make you feel at peace with yourself in the long run. You will see things that others cannot see because they have not gone through what you have gone through.

    And honestly I can see those who are not at peace with themselves. Even though on the outside everything looks incredible. I can see it no matter who I'm looking at. And believe me, a lot of people are looking for results to fill the void they feel inside.

    Take action out of love, not lack. When you love yourself you can expect to get results.
     
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  11. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    Does your friend pretend to be someone else in order to sleep with girls?
     
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  12. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    No, he is himself, but he is very results-oriented, which leads to a lot of negative points :/
     
  13. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I couldn't resist. I approached a girl on my way to the grocery store. normally I'm not allowed, we're confined.
    I am talking to her by text message and she is not looking for anything serious either. I didn't make much effort, she is very interested so we'll see.
     
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  14. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I am meditating a lot. And I am learning a lot about myself.
    I've realized I can't have fulfilling relationships if I'm not comfortable with my own presence. It makes sense, but we all look for ways to avoid reality.
    Most people start to take action when they feel bad. Hoping that the results will bring them peace. But it's a mistake.

    Being at peace with yourself is a foundation on which you can build something deeper and greater. It is a beginning, not an end.
    I meditated for 4 hours today. It proves that I'm starting to get really comfortable with myself.
     
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  15. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    How to connect with a girl

    What is a connection? Most people make a mistake they think it's something you can't control, but believe me, it's something you can work on.

    A connnection is a shared emotion at the same time.

    Example :


    Not long ago I approached a girl on the street who was shopping.
    I said

    -"Even though I didn't like your bag I had to come and say hi"

    She got into my game and said :

    - "what the hell is wrong with my bag ???? "

    When a girl gets into my game I know she's interested.We talked for a few minutes about this bag and laughed about it.
    Until she asked me where I had seen her on the street.

    When you get to that point where you know the girl is interested, it's important to be vulnerable. To show her that you're not there for nothing and that you want to move the interaction forward. So far the interaction has been fun and emotional, it's important not to fall into something more serious like "I saw you there you were walking and you looked pretty". There is no emotion in that kind of response.

    I put my arm on her shoulder and said,

    -"I saw you down there and honestly there were a lot of emotions in my body, it was intense."
    and I added

    -"In spite of that bag".

    I left a silence that lasted a few seconds where we looked each other in the eyes, and we both laughed so hard at the same time.

    Same emotion, at the same time, that's what a connection with a girl is. But it requires accepting to be vulnerable and take a risk.
    Of course there is a risk of losing this girl if you show yourself vulnerable but at least you don't do things by halves and you don't have any regrets.
    I made my intentions clear to her, while keeping this subject concerning her bag because it's what she'll remember after we meet. And it's what makes the interaction fun. Before approaching a girl I often look for what I don't like about her because it can allow me to show my vulnerability, add fun to the interaction and create something with that girl. To convey the fact that I want her while keeping a fun side to it.

    Of course the more you nurture this connection the stronger and deeper it will become. It's like taking care of a plant.

    But it all starts from a shared emotion at the same time. Nothing difficult. it has nothing to do with luck. Everything can be worked on including this point. Whether for a serious relationship or not, connection is the starting point of any relationship.

    From that moment on, when we laughed at the same time, everything was much easier and smoother. Because we connected. It's like connecting two cables so that they become one.
    It has nothing to do with a different or similar vision of life. It is possible to connect with anyone and grow that connection if you want to create something deeper with a girl.
    It starts from a shared emotion. And if this emotion is created from a situation where you have shown yourself vulnerable, it is even more powerful.

    Connection can't be achieved rationally, that's why guys don't understand why it works with girls and not with others. It's all about the emotions you convey through words and attitude. If you share these emotions. The girl will feel it and she will share her own emotions with you.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2020
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  16. Joe dalton

    Joe dalton Fapstronaut

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    i handled this situation like this:

    when you walk to the table where you wanna sit, put your jacket or whatever over a chair, she will assume that you will sit there, and automaticly sit infront of that chair, when she sat down, just sit next to her.

    i did this many times, its funny and cute how they react when you just sit next to them. i makes your intentions clear.
     
    Supination likes this.
  17. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I miss approaching girls deeply. Feeling fear and going anyway aaaah fuck I hate being at home
    Fcking virus lol
     
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  18. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    I will be following you around. Three years ago a random guy from Poland motivated me with his stories, this time will be aspiring French coach. Can you open a discord server where we all youe fans keep in touch with eachother for example?
     
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  19. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    Yes bro good idea :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2020
  20. SPIRITUSS

    SPIRITUSS Fapstronaut

    I want to talk about the nice guy syndrom.

    I used to be way too nice. I had this syndrome but at a really high level.
    A lot of people are talking about it. I read the book no more mr nice guy.
    But that book doesn't really help guys get rid of this syndrome in my opinion.

    I want to share with you what really worked for me after 3 years of practice.
    The main argument of this book is to put our own needs first.

    And it's true, it can help.
    But in reality we have to go much further than that. We need to reprogram our brain by going outside our comfort zone and acting differently.
    Guys who are too nice don't dare to displease.
    Approaching women is already an act of kindness to yourself because you realize that whatever you do you're going to get rejected. And you can't please everyone. But it's not enough.

    How I got rid of this syndrome:

    The first step was to get rid of anxiety. And for that there are tools like workout, meditation, healthy eating
    If you are not anxious you have fewer expectations about life and you see it in a more serene way. It is important to feel good in your body and mind before you start the second step.

    The second step is to allow yourself to make girls feel uncomfortable, while not caring about the consequences. This is probably the most powerful advice I can give here. When you make girls uncomfortable by saying things that may not seem calibrated, but you don't care, your charisma is multiplied by 50. It's so powerful.
    When you walk up to a girl and she responds by letting you know that she's uncomfortable and it's weird or whatever and you stand there with a smile on your face and you don't give a damn, it's unbelievable.

    "Yeah, it's cool, you're uncomfortable, I'm uncomfortable, so it's part of the process."

    You could also act like an asshole with women but it doesn't work, and ethically speaking it's not acceptable.
    Being nice is a quality. But being nice by default rather than by choice is a problem.
    By allowing yourself to make girls uncomfortable by actually saying what you think and not caring about the consequences, you hack the system.
    Guys who have non-emotional discussions with girls like "what do you do for a living" need this advice. They don't lack creativity. They just don't dare to express their emotions and they attach too much importance to the outcome

    This kind of logical, unsexual discussion comes from the fact that they are afraid of being rejected by expressing their emotions. They prefer to play it safe rather than take responsibility for how they feel. It's a typical nice guy trait.

    This advice to allow yourself to make girls feel uncomfortable by saying what you think and expressing your emotions also applies by message.
    All your discussions must contain some risk of losing the girl.
    You have to take a risk even if this risk you take prevents you from having a relationship. This is part of the process. Your success is not measured by results but by your development as a person.

    I've been doing this for 1 year.

    Then it's very important to find compassion and caring again. The third step is to be TOO kind to everyone. And that will be even harder than allowing yourself to make girls feel uncomfortable.
    But once you've done that, you'll find that girls won't see you as a nice guy anymore, even though you act like a nice guy.

    Because in your subconscious you will communicate the fact that you are nice by choice and not by default. You can be nice but you can also go away and don't give a damn what she thinks if she acts in a inappropriate way. Those who are the most charismatic are actually very nice because they have nothing to prove. They share the love they feel for the world.

    It's a long-term process. For me it took 2 and a half years.

    It is important to have ying and yang. You can't have only one. Explore the edge of each :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2020
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