I became a girl and dont know what to do

Your sister took your fetish to a whole new level. I dont even know what to say after reading this...

 

Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?

 

The way you decribe your story it does not sound like it beeing just a fetish, more like a complex gender indentiy, which does not fit in the regular categories of man / woman. Ofcourse dont let anyone force you to a surgergy, but take the necessary time to explore your identity. You said you dream about having sex with a girls now, have you actually tried dating girls? Also do you have contact with some like minded community or support group? There are propably more people with a history of complex gender identity than you think, maybe it could help to learn from their story.

 

Oh man. This sounds like a troll post. I hope nobody is that immature to post something like this on the nofap board. But I do believe your story. We have had a transsexual rebooter here before but he/ she didn't show up anymore.

Congratulations for having made your decision. Sexual abstinence will help you along your way. You have to cut off contact with your friends and family. Try to get all the support you can get. Why don't you join the Christian fapstronauts?

 

Nah, it's ok. I believe you.

It's an extremely difficult question. Once it's gone, it's gone, forever.
What we at nofap can help you with is to understand how sexual conditioning works. If you are serious about learning the truth you should read the stuff on yourbrainonporn(dot)com. Many psychologists are not familiar with our concepts and some even reject them, you are on your own now.

It's quite common that straight guys can get transsexual or homosexual feelings or any other extreme fetish just from abusing porn and masturbation. You can use the search function to validate my claim.

And it's also possible to recover from any fetish. After a long time of abstinence your sexual tastes will normalize to what they originally were. It might take years to reboot your brain, but typically after a few weeks your libido will disappear completely. We call this flatline. Use it to your advantage, live asexually for a while, see what it does to you.

If you are serious about a proper reboot you must abstain from sex and sexual thoughts completely. meaning no porn, no fantasies, no sex. And no boyfriend. If you are already sure that having a girlfriend is the right thing for you and you can get one, you can do that.

How bad do you want it? Really bad? Ready to put in the work? Then you already know what to do. Get your masculinity back.

You can try to be as good as you can. Maybe you are infertile. But also you won't get pregnant anyway, not even with a fake vagina.


If you are serious about nofap I'd like to support you. As much as I can. Wanna be my bro?

 

that sounds sick and nasty, im sorry but like.. i would never want my genitals cut off, i mean.. FUCK you sayd thay you like girls and you would like to bang them, THEN WHY DID YOU LISSEN TO your sister? Shes sounds like she is an devil.. i mean wheres your confidence and manliness? Please stop this and get back in track, and yes! Yes you can be back to what you were, starp to take testosterone hormones and it will change you back, i mean if you want to be a normal person again, anf it is possible beacuse some girls become boys, but you are a winner beacuse you have a wiener!!! Think about it

 

Im here to support you bro, beacuse im nobody to judge but I beg you my brother, if your mind tells you that you wanna bang chicks, then thats the right thing to do! And its okey if you are bisexual just dont become a person you are not. RuinedLife as a nickname? Nothing is ruined beacuse you are a man, you are stronger than you think, you like girls and YOU HAVE A DICK

 

I still recommend a reboot. When you talk about your issues it seems to me that sex is the thing you talk most about, it really seems to dominate your thought process. I am sure that porn/ sex addiction plays a big role in your life. The thing is many guys started to watch porn at a young age and weren't really aware of how big of an impact it will have on their future lives. And the self discipline you get from nofap is still something to consider.

And you will reach clarity of mind, which is what you need right now, this why you came here, this is your first step. So many doubts and what ifs. Just take your time and imagine with no hows and ifs what it would be like to be a man. What are the perks and positive attributes you will have?

 

Hey, He's being a jerk-wad. Don't listen to him.

Anyways, I just want to be sure I understand this right:
You were born a boy but spent a lot of time with girls. So, you started dressing like a girl when you were alone and that made you M? It got you off. Then it transitioned into you coming out as transgender to your mom and sister and eventually your dad. Now you're unsure if it's because the sexual desire/fetish or because you actually do think you're supposed to be a girl?

I think if that's the case, doing a 'reboot' could help you get a grip with that is sexual fantasy and what you really want in life. If you want to talk, I'm around.

 

I read your post over and over ---- and here is the crux of the issue: you describe yourself as str8 and wanting girls, you describe others (sister, mother, father) as all "playing" or "playing along" to make you "endure" a transition.
DO NOT ALLOW others to USE YOU as a PLAYTHING!

I am transgender. I love being feminine and it is NOT about others liking me because of that ---- it is because I NEED TO BE ME, and me is being a woman.
I love men. I am NOT gay. I am TRANS, and I am fully attracted to men. I was NEVER EVER attracted to girls --- yuck!

You are very likely NOT trans, and to proceed further will make you farther from what you state you want.

FIRST --- do what others say: REBOOT. Stop porn and stop THINKING that they (sister, mother) have your best interest in mind. Your DAD? He is FURIOUS because THAT is the correct response to a young person being manipulated like you have had happen to you.

REMOVE yourself from the manipulative sociopathic behaviors of the women (sister, mother) in your life and CONTROL yourself, your thoughts, your medicinal intake, and your life.

Just saying'...... I know a feminine transwoman when I see and hear one, and you don't sound like one at all. Sadly, you sound like a manipulated experiment of two very unhealthy people who use you for entertainment.

RUN AWAY as fast as you can, and keep that dick. You will need it for a real girl someday after serious therapy.

 

Religious, really? From you're wording, I suppose you deem yourself a christian, so let me tell you: the christian thing would be to help this person, that is seeking out advice and help. Even if you think that they're in the wrong place - which is an opinion I don't share -, you could still find a way to make their life better, instead of judging and insulting them (I don't even want to quote you). If nothing more, you could just be quiet and let other people help, but here you are, wanting to send someone away, who asked for your help. This is not being a christian, or any other kind of being religious, this - as DS124578 already said - is just being a jerk.

As for the important topic:

First of all, I am really sorry for this long post, but your story touched me and I really feel for you. Anyway, here goes.
I have to admit, I don't know anything about the gender related issues you're facing, but Jamie_K_'s advice makes perfect sense to me. Although you're not consistent in your opinion of things (as you have noticed yourself), you really do show that your mother and sister played a large role in your story, and not a good one either, since you not only use word like "endured" but also "manipulated" and even "forced".
Ask yourself this: why were both your sister and your mother so on board and even enthusiastic about your change? You said they "didn't question it", which is fine, lied about you behaving like your sister as a child against your better knowledge, which is definitely a red flag, they appareantly worked together to ensure you can take each and every medical step you wanted to ("My mother and sister got me doctors appointments, psychotherapy..."), which, at your age of 15, is at best irresponsible, you stated that your sister "manipulated" you "into dating boys", and now your mom "is trying to force" you "to finally have surgery to get" your "genitals done"? Why would they show so much initiative in this process, even more than you did, partly even without or completely against your will (which is what "manipulated" and "forced" mean)? If they wanted to really support you, wouldn't they have listened to your opinion more instead of almost completely taking matters into their own hands? Why was it even so important to your mother, that she would even threaten your father with leaving him? You said yourself, it's not like she spent a lot of time with you before all of this, even though she could have, working at home and all. Also, why do you try to keep the blame completely off them? Might it be that, as you say yourself, that you're emotionally dependent on them?

As for my own honest opinion:
The fact that a 15 years old boy needed but to state an idea, a fetish, a fantasy, for two adult women (as your sister was 19 at the time, if I'm correct?) to basically do he rest for him, shows that YOUR fetish has ended long before - it's THEIR fetish that keeps going on. Why else would they pressure you, even try to force you to undergo surgery? It's what they want, not you. I get that your opinion in this matter is not clear, how could it be, but the fact that you're not sure about it shows that there is doubt in your mind, and as long as that's the case, you should stop dead in your tracks with everything you're doing to yourself, and especially with everything they are doing to you.
Reading your posts, it seems to me that you're not just not sure about everything, but you even try to be indifferent about things:
"I do doubt that I'd want to become a guy again (somehow) because my Family would also be super confused and I need them emotionally, my mom is happy to have 2 daugthers and my sister is also happy with how things are and I'm not unhappy nor disgusted by myself like I was or thought that I was while being a young boy."
First of all: you're "somehow" doubting that you'd want to change back, which sounds like you're not really doubting it. Seondly: You say that you're "not unhappy" with yourself. Again, I'm not experienced in this matter at all, but contrary to Jamie_K_'s statement of desperately wanting to be a woman, you sound indifferent to the fact that you now are, which makes it clear to me that you didn't want this process to go this far. You might not have "minded" it, but you definitely weren't the one pushing it further. Lastly: Your only reason for not wanting to change back, is to not confuse your family again. I think that only one of the three is confused, the other two are seriously disturbed. And you're not even sure that you actually were disgusted by your former self, which begs the question: did you really want to do all of this?
I couldn't state it better than Jamie_K_ already had: you were completely manipulated by the two, starting at a time, when people are normally already confused, unsure and unstable due to all the hormonal activities in the brain during puberty. And you were probably too into your fantasies and had your mind clouded by numerous things as to even notice it, but they definitely took advantage of that and shaped you into what they wanted you to be. You said it yourself, your sister always got off on dressing you up in front of friends and your mother is "happy to have two daughters" - that and a very disturbed and unhealthy psyche, those are your motives, right there! After all, which parent in their right mind would grant their kid access to such extreme and profound medical procedures, and at that age of all times? Your father had every right to get furious!
Now, while it's definitely not possible for me to tell what you really want, since you're unsure of it yourself, it is as clear as day to me that you did not want this. You had your will taken from you at a time, when you should have been protected from such things. You were made emotionally dependent on those two, that used you as an experiment for their own amusement and fantasies. And it's this dependency, that keeps you chained to them, unable to see what it is, they are doing to you and instead making excuses for them and taking the blame on yourself. It's such a sad reality, I could just cry...
But if you don't do something about it, you will just live your life as a slave to them, a slave in the worst possible way. You need to break free of them, get out of where you are, as soon as possible, only then can you get you own will back and actually find out, what it is, that you yourself, and only you, really want, whether it's becoming a girl entirely or trying to go back and become a man, which is what I think you tend to and what would probably be the right thing for you, but I could be completely wrong about that. In the end, the only thing that's right for you, is what you decided, on your own, to become, and you can only make that decision, when you're not under their influence anymore. Maybe you could bond more with your father? But you definitely need to get away from those two women in your life, that want to take it for themselves.

Again, I'm so sorry for this horribly long post...
I really, really feel for you and I wish you all the best that can possibly happen to you!

And if you ever want to talk to someone about anything, there are certainly a lot of people on here, who will be there for you, myself included!

 

First of all, you are nothing for me, i dont know you and neither do you sir, thats why i you can be quiet yourself
Second of all, what i ment by that "jerk" post as you sayd was that he all ready made a choice - beeing a woman/gay whatever, and he is complaining about something that isnt really a problem anymore, you were just too slow to understand that. My advice for all people who is trans/gay/bis - just accept yourself im not homophobic but this made me mad, beacuse this guy told us that he likes beeing fucked by another dude and he likes beeing a woman, so wheres the problem? Accept yourself and move with a flow

 

Insightful. I really like the main body of your post --- and it is so good and kind of you to persevere and make the points you make --- on which we both agree. So if a str8 guy and a trans girl BOTH see this as a manipulation by sister/mother, and we BOTH see that he needs to take control of his destiny, then perhaps the observations we make are close enough to accurate to at least be considered.

 

Great advice!
@RuinedLife :
Unfortunately there are women who kind of 'get off' on this sort of thing - My mother was the same way, she LOVED to have kids with emotional problems so she could talk about it at cocktail parties and martyr herself. She would take normal teenage problems and exaggerate them and jump to the worst (or best, depending on your point of view) conclusion.

It sounds like this is what your sister and mother did - took some normal questioning /hormonal issues and pushed it.

Secondly I think any doctor who would tell you to castrate yourself or take drugs to manipulate your normal body chemistry is twisted.

as Jamie says here: