Bowder
Fapstronaut
Hey everyone,
It feels weird posting here again. About a week ago I broke a 134 day record.
It was a fairly casual record though, since I did not abstain from masturbation, only porn. But it turns out it wasn't enough and my urges caught up with me.
In the week that followed I lost all self control and dived right back to my old self. I am scared, because when the addiction kicks in, it's like another person takes over.
I talked with a few people anonymously about my issues but all people say is "get help". Hopefully this forum has some more in-depth advice for me.
Basically what started this addiction was a series of bad events. For 1,5 years I was stuck in an abusive relationship and when I finally got out I fell in a life with great insecurities. Financially, personally, career wise. I had no friends and experienced some of the most intense anxiety, fear and stress I had ever felt. On top of that the feelings of being yelled at and dominated in my previous relationship still stuck with me.
So I discovered the world of BDSM and DDLG. I got addicted to take on a dominant role myself caring for submissive types online, taking on a polar opposite persona of myself to kinda forget the world around me.
Of course the second I came back to my senses I hated what I was doing and I tried to take distance again from whomever I was talking with, probably hurting them in the process as well, only to start looking for new people when the urges came back.
I've tried quitting countless times for a couple years now. Sometimes I succeed a month or two, but I always fall back. I won't stop trying, but I am becoming very insecure in my abilities to do so.
On top of that I met this girl several months ago. Quickly she began my reasoning and my confidence. She means the world to me, and I feel things are growing to more than friends. I feel like I'm betraying her as well, and if not for me I want to quit for her.
Please, do you guys have some advice for me? I feel like I'm stuck alone in some sort of void.
Thanks
It feels weird posting here again. About a week ago I broke a 134 day record.
It was a fairly casual record though, since I did not abstain from masturbation, only porn. But it turns out it wasn't enough and my urges caught up with me.
In the week that followed I lost all self control and dived right back to my old self. I am scared, because when the addiction kicks in, it's like another person takes over.
I talked with a few people anonymously about my issues but all people say is "get help". Hopefully this forum has some more in-depth advice for me.
Basically what started this addiction was a series of bad events. For 1,5 years I was stuck in an abusive relationship and when I finally got out I fell in a life with great insecurities. Financially, personally, career wise. I had no friends and experienced some of the most intense anxiety, fear and stress I had ever felt. On top of that the feelings of being yelled at and dominated in my previous relationship still stuck with me.
So I discovered the world of BDSM and DDLG. I got addicted to take on a dominant role myself caring for submissive types online, taking on a polar opposite persona of myself to kinda forget the world around me.
Of course the second I came back to my senses I hated what I was doing and I tried to take distance again from whomever I was talking with, probably hurting them in the process as well, only to start looking for new people when the urges came back.
I've tried quitting countless times for a couple years now. Sometimes I succeed a month or two, but I always fall back. I won't stop trying, but I am becoming very insecure in my abilities to do so.
On top of that I met this girl several months ago. Quickly she began my reasoning and my confidence. She means the world to me, and I feel things are growing to more than friends. I feel like I'm betraying her as well, and if not for me I want to quit for her.
Please, do you guys have some advice for me? I feel like I'm stuck alone in some sort of void.
Thanks