So, as of today, I’ve been fighting this addiction for about seven months. I’ve realized what it’s doing to me and I’ve been trying to fight it ever since. I had a great 8 day streak a few weeks ago, and multiple two to three days streaks throughout this time. But I find my progress is coming to a screeching halt. I can’t find a solution to access, and I can’t hold myself in for longer than a week. I’ve installed Covenant Eyes, I’ve set up filters on my phone, I’ve been making progress with my spiritual life and coming into a greater relationship with my higher power. I’ve researched and developed personal ways to reduce temptation in my life. But even through all of this, I can’t avoid this. I can’t control myself. I get overwhelming urges that I get desperate to fulfill. Whenever I feel secure, that I can finally win this battle and stay on a streak, I always find a way to break out. This time, it was on my phone at school. I had been on a streak for a day and the arousal got too overwhelming, so I went in the bathroom and did my thing. None of anything mattered to me at that moment except gratifying myself. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t find solution that works. I always find a way back for all the work I did to stay away. I know fighting an addiction is all about choice. Well, I make the choice when I say I don’t want to do it, but then when it actually confronts me, I can’t make that choice anymore. I’ve been doing it since I was 13, and I can’t find a way out. I can’t avoid it, no matter what or how I try. I’m literally so angry, frustrated, and upset that I want to to throw my phone against the wall of my quiet college campus. I feel like I’m doing everything I can, and convinced myself of every possible truth to free myself of this addiction, but I can’t do it. I can’t control my hormones. My arousal and attraction to sex is literally what hurts me to be alive. Some day, I want to be dead just so I don’t have to worry it anymore. Sexual attraction has lead me literally nowhere except to disaster and demise, and it is the sole reason why it is a curse for me to be alive. I’m sick of attraction and attachment. I’m sick of fighting these urges, and having no successful way to control them or live with them. I literally want a vasectomy so I never have to deal with touching myself. That’s how desperate I am to free myself of this. So, yeah. It’s been a long few months. I’ve never been closer to giving up than now. I can’t beat this, no matter what I try or how. I’ve literally tried everything except sterilizing myself. I don’t know why I should keep trying to fight when I’ll just lose. Whatever. Does anyone understand me at all? Can anyone give some insight? I’d be delighted to read.