D
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I’m on day 320 and I’m worse than I’ve ever been before. I’ve been on and off of streaks for the past year and now I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m so stupid. I kept on going a week and relapsing and now I’m worse than I was when it felt like I was finally breaking free of everything. I’m done. I always mess up. I had so much potential but I messed it all up. Pocd, hocd, anxiety to the point where the top of my mouth is always tight, tight muscles. I can’t do this. I keep on saying that’s the last time your going to fall flat on your face and work harder despite of failure, but I only fall harder the next time. I’m in hell. I’m a failure and if I kill myself and go to hell I deserve it. I’m a terrible person. I deserve this. I should just die and end myself. I can’t talk to girls even tho they think I’m attractive, I’m not good at sports even though I work hard and am athletic, I’m outgoing but really feel alone, I’m all by myself. I just made a huge mistake. I was looking for something at my neighborhood pool and I broke one of the chairs. My mom is going to kill me. I’m fucked. I just deserve death at this point. Idk if this is a suicide note or not but just getting this off of my chest helps so much. I’m sorry for being such a disappointment