I cant do this anymore..

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by matt2k12, May 15, 2022.

  1. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

    Hello,

    Ive been on this forum for over 2 years now, Ive had my 40,50+ day streaks, but I find myself now in a situation where I cant bear it anymore.

    I was at church today and after mass there were this two pretty girls. I was nervous knowing they were there, because I have this huge desire to have a girl and be in a relationship, but having this desire, I feel like I communicate to the world that I am lacking, and this is taking away all my energy. Naturally I would be confident and I know how to talk with anyone, but because Im in this state, and because I am just on day 7 now, I am at the bottom of who I could and should be.

    I overcame my fears though and started a conversation. It was very short, but I asked their names and made a joke, and I sensed that both girls found me attractive and nothing would be easier than talk with them longer ... but fear overcame me and i cut the conversation short and retreated.

    We had lunch after mass with the whole parish and when I came home I was so angry at myself for this lost opportunity. There I was again, back home, alone, and who knows, if I had talked with them, maybe we could of done something this afternoon.

    I feel so terrible. Like a million lost opportunities. I wanted to fap, to feel better, but I know this will make everything worse.

    Im all alone in this foreign country and foreign city. I decided, instead of fapping, Imma go in the city for a walk. Maybe talk to a few strangers, maybe hit someone up.

    Nothing could be worse. I felt more alone going out then ever before. And then I walked in a park and I saw couples who were kissing... man.

    I resorted to my old addictions, I bought a pack of cigarettes and went home.

    Now I write this post. I dont know why, I just feel its better than to watch porn.

    How can I move forward in life?

    It feels so hopeless and i dont see a direction.

    I yearn to have a girl and be in a relationship, and I sense that porn brings me further from this aim. Yet, the present is so unbearable, and porn looks like such a good medication to make it bearable.

    I guess I just wanted to vent. I hope that one day I will be free from all this, and not be lonely..

    @edit: i guess my nervousness came from the objectification with women, which is a direct result of pmo addiction. after all, how can i be natural with women, when in secret i fap to how they are getting fd in all perverted ways.. so my only hope is that if i stop pmo, eventually i will stop objectifying them, and start looking at them as persons instead..
     
  2. No easy answer, but porn won't help. Sounds like you were having some luck with those girls. Since you know their names, any chance of connecting with them online in the next couple of days? Hang in there. Any hobbies you could put your emotions into? Music or something?
     
  3. berylliumwages

    berylliumwages Fapstronaut

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    I am impressed by your progress. I've been trying this for three years and even when I was on my 79 day streak I could still never bring myself to talk to a girl. So I am very hopeful for you and am glad you came here to vent instead of going back to PMO. It's not like they've disappeared because you made a quick exit. Even you said they seemed attracted. For all you know they've been thinking about you a lot since that interaction.
     
    Nathan4 likes this.
  4. MarioCorrelos

    MarioCorrelos Fapstronaut

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    Man, next time in church look for them and go talk to them again.

    As for the other part of your message, don't change anything about your life. Learn to be alone. Embrace it. Get to a point where you even enjoy it. And when you are comfortable with yourself, people from the outside will see it and will wind you attractive.
     
    Legacy of Lost Soul likes this.

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