I can't do this without strict blockers?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, Dec 3, 2019.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I have explained before on this I don't use a smart phone and have an extremely good blocking system on my laptop. My best friend is the administrator of my laptop and holds all the passwords and log in details to the blockers. I wish I could show everyone the extent of how much my laptop is blocked, I literally can hardly see anything. The most thing I can see that could potentially cause a relapse is safe search google images or restricted youtube videos. I just wish you knew the extent how blocked my laptop is and how little artificial sexual stimulation I can see.

    But the worry is I feel like I have been used to this system for far too long. I feel like the only reason I do well with pornfree and nofap is because of this blocking system. You need to understand I have been used to such a strict blocking system for so long that I feel like I just can't handle it any other way.

    But basically what happened tonight is I got a new router sent out to me from my internet service provider, as I have taken out a new package and their is a newer model internet router out. But this happened to me before back in April where my internet service provider decided to block it's users from using a 3rd party dns. This is a big problem for me as I used the clean browsing family dns as one of my blockers and this blocks the majority of porn and it also locks youtube restricted mode on so that it can't be switched off unless you change the dns. But I cant change the dns because my friend is the administrator of my laptop and he also puts other blocks on it. But anyway I looked online back in April and many people were complaining about this, and it said online if you phone up and complain they will fix it so that you can do this. So back in April I phoned up numerous times and kept being told it is not possible to change it, a lot of the people on the phone were getting annoyed with me. But then eventually after a few days I got someone on the phone who knew what I was talking about and he got it fixed for me, but it would take up to 72 hours to fix it.

    So tonight I put in the new router and put the password in to my laptop for it, and I quickly realised third party dns was not working, as the clean browsing dns was not the dns I was using. But the worrying thing is I instantly went straight on to youtube and started searching booty shaking videos and all this. I then began masturbating to them, flicking about them all for almost an hour before I ejaculated.

    I then phoned up my internet service provider complaining and it was the same scenario again, everyone I was getting on the phone was telling me this couldn't be fixed. But this time they were telling me it definitely couldn't be fixed because it is a brand new router model and it definitely can't be changed on this new router. So I literally ran to my friends who lives a mile away from me with my laptop in the laptop case. I got him to unblock everything on my laptop so that I could figure out what I was going to do getting as strict blocks back on it again. But when I went back home with my laptop this was even worse, because no blocks were in place now, literally everything was unblocked. I am not kidding I then PMO binged once for 4 and a half hours before I ejaculated. I then phoned my internet service provider another few times and then eventually I got a guy on the phone who wasn't fully sure what I was talking about, but he did really try to help me, and then after about a 30 minute phone call he realised how it could be fixed, and he said to me the same as the guy did the last time back in April it will be completely fixed within the next 72 hours.

    I didn't mention on the phone I want to block porn or anything like that lol. I just said I want to be able to use 3rd party dns. A lot of people like using a 3rd party dns for different reasons. But I really don't know if a lot of the people I was getting on the phone just couldn't really be bothered helping me or something? If it was too much work? It's also really annoying basically all of them didn't know what I was talking about and didn't know how to help. It basically means any time I need to get a new router I am going to need to go through that hell. I really don't know why my internet service provider decided to block a 3rd party dns as a factory setting.

    But yeah it really scares me how quick I am on artificial sexual stimulation or porn if I can access it. I have been too used to a really strict good blocking system for too long, where it feels like if I can access unrestricted youtube videos my world is crashing down all around me. I am terrified to even be able to access unrestricted youtube videos, social media images ext. Never mind actual proper hardcore porn content.

    I mean I do feel like it's great how much those blockers help me, and I feel like I only do really well because of the blockers. Regardless how I am getting streaks and longer periods of time away from PMO, I am still getting that long time away from it, regardless how I do it. But I just feel like I am not learning to teach my self to properly refuse it. I won't allow my self to access it, so I'm not really needing to refuse it. But I am not sure if I am doing my self an injustice in the long run doing this?
     
  2. Patchq

    Patchq Fapstronaut

    Hello @skaterdrew. I have a somewhat similar scenario to you. I applied restrictive blockers on particular websites which did not allow me to view material that would lead to a relapse. However, in my particular case, it did not solve the crux of the problem. It just allowed me to prolong it. But I didnt want to prolong it so I had to take the hard way. I unblocked everything and decided I had to change the way i viewed porn.

    This process did not follow a one strict solution but consisted of various life changes which allowed me to slowly lose interest in porn and now im at a point where I feel disgusted when I watch porn.

    I hope you find your answer to your problem. The demons we are fighting are extremely strong and they know our moves way before we carry them out. We truly need to be pure in our thinking and action to beat these demons.

    Good luck on your journey brother.
     
  3. geheim

    geheim Fapstronaut

    Absolutely not. We have to fight with any means possible. If you have found something that helps, by all means do it. This is warfare. If your right hand offends you, cut it off. "Flee youthful lusts". I understand the desire to run on willpower only, because it gives you a sense of control. You may also tell yourself that "running away" from the temptation is somewhat cheating.

    But let me tell you. I was in a monastic environment with healthy lifestyle where, after a long battle, I successfully gave up PMO for at least four or five years (didn't count them). After those years, all it took was one stupid gif animation in somebody's forum signature, and BAM! I was triggered. As triggered as you can be. The old demon was right back at it. I couldn't believe it myself. Remember: This is after years and years of monk-mode. And this is how I fell back into PMO.

    Again, this is warfare. Be glad something works for you. Do this, in addition to addressing the underlying issue like the previous poster laid out. The battle may have to be fought for the rest of our lives. If at some point you are delivered, I'm happy for you. And in my case, I'm counting on God that he does. In the meantime, however long that may be, use all means available.

    PS: I do believe there are literal demons at work to try to win us back, and what you are describing in your original post reads like a strategic onslaught on the barrier you have created.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2019
  4. geheim

    geheim Fapstronaut

    What changed? Mindset-wise.
     
  5. Patchq

    Patchq Fapstronaut

    Hey @geheim. Many things have changed it. I started to respect who I am. I am more value-orientated. But towards the point of feeling disgusted, I began to feel less fearful of the addiction of porn and grow more in confidence that I can beat it. That could be because of the person I have now become or from something else.
     
  6. geheim

    geheim Fapstronaut

    @Patchq Interesting. The way you talk about "beating these demons", are you coming from a Christian perspective, and do you think that could have something to do with it?
     
  7. Patchq

    Patchq Fapstronaut

    Yeah I do take the Christian perspective when referring to that quote. And most definitely I believe me beating my demons has allowed me to see porn in a new light.

    When I first started my journey (3 years ago, I am 23), I didn't know what my demons were. When I confronted them for the first time I was all over the place, I didnt know how to approach them as they knew me better than I knew them. At the time, this was very confusing for me and I was completely unaware of the situation I was in. However, over time, with countless relapses, I slowly started to understand what I was dealing with.

    When I dealt with the demons, my perspective alterted. It was purer and wiser and responsible.

    I have not yet conquered these demons but I have built a strong foundation that will help me for the rest of the battle.
     
  8. geheim

    geheim Fapstronaut

    I believe the addiction is demonic as well, and I'm also Christian. I have experienced demons distinctly multiple times, also in my pre-Christian times even literally manifesting themselves in a friend I had years ago, and speaking through him.

    I think this is where the battle lies. It's the demons that we have to get rid of. This is what people talk about when they say "the brain has to change". They don't know what they are really referring to. I abstained for years, lived a healthy life, got married, and still fell back into PMO. Because the demon(s) still found a way in.

    I believe we can't get out of this without spiritual intervention from God, from Jesus. Jesus is whom these demons fear and despise; they flee Him. Even the AA 12-Step Program hints into this direction.
    @Patchq
     
  9. geheim

    geheim Fapstronaut

    How did you confront them? Initially/subsequently?
     
  10. Concorde-96

    Concorde-96 Fapstronaut

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    I consider that with the blockers you don't develop self-control, one day you can accidentally find porn and you will surrender to it.
     
  11. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    In the moment one thought can send me off to the races without filters. It can be a split second with minimal thought at all and I’m gone. I need filters to slow that down. I’ve done this before that it gets easier to resist the longer I stay away, but in early rebuilding of recovery, I need to short circuit that sudden urge.
     

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