I can't get her out of my mind.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Di.Do.555, Jul 22, 2019.

  1. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    This girl i have met once around 15 years ago. She lives overseas.
    After 18 months of loneliness (following separation) I am back to the dating scene.

    I am on my no PMO 90 days challenge.

    The question is: should i finish the challenge first and talk to her or should i do it now?
    I want this pressure to propel me to success, but i also want to connect with her soo badly.I can't get her out of my head.
  2. Zapster21

    Zapster21 Fapstronaut

    My advice! If it has been 15 years, wait at least until you get out of the flatline period, which usually starts around day 15-20.

    When you then get out of the flatline, you start feeling content in yourself. Maybe then you'll not even need her particularly. Maybe you still want her badly. I found out myself that I liked the idea of "the girl" more than actually a specific one. So I started to date different women instead of "the one".
    JB333, RiverSmoothStone and Di.Do.555 like this.
  3. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    powerful. thanks
  4. I'll share my experience, since I've (kind of) taken both approaches. Shortly after beginning my first serious attempt to quit, I started dating a girl. The relationship was really helpful for me, since it provided me with great motivation to quit. I probably made it a year before porn started creeping back into my life. It wasn't actual porn at first (so I told myself), but it developed into porn about a year and a half into the relationship. About two years in, she broke up with me (I don't think she ever knew about the porn - this was unrelated). After the breakup, I went back into porn pretty hard.

    My second serious attempt to quit porn is the attempt that I'm currently on. I decided to wait until I hit my 90 day mark before I would start thinking about dating. I didn't really have a choice in this, since my current prospects are pretty slim, but I'm glad I made it through my 90 PMO-free days without dating. I'm mostly glad because it gave me some time to really think about who I was. I had been placing a lot of my sense of self-worth into my relationship status. This meant, in my first attempt to quit, I was only quitting for my girlfriend. So when she broke up with me, I no longer had any motivation to stay away from porn. During my current attempt, I'm quitting for me. I'm quitting because I like the me that doesn't look at porn a lot better than the me who does.

    So I guess here's the part where I stop rambling and start to say some words that resemble advice. I don't really know you, so I guess I'm going to offer some conditional advice. If you only want to date because you want to use that as motivation to quit, I would suggest going through your 90 days first. You need to have reasons to quit beyond a girlfriend; otherwise, you're in danger of doing what I did. However, if you have good reasons to quit and you feel fairly secure about who you are, I see no reason to wait.
    Deleted Account and Di.Do.555 like this.
  5. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    Thanks mate - that is exactly what i want to hear.
    The girl i was obsessed with looks average ordinary at the moment ( flatline i guess).
    I think u r right, doing nofap for the wrong reasons is a dumb strategy and it is only a matter of time before relapsing.
    I am not sure what kind of man i will become after 90 days. i mean 15 days in and i see females in a different light. Imagine 90 days of that.
    i will probably be connecting spiritually before i have the chance to look into her physical appearance.
    RiverSmoothStone likes this.
  6. talk to her NOW find out so if its not a match you can move on to someone else
    koolpal likes this.
  7. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    But what if i am not ready mate?
    I mean i need to reboot first. Still 74 days to go :rolleyes:
  8. I don't care what day your on "THERE WILL NEVER BE A PERFECT TIME" I don't mean to sound harsh but there is never a perfect time to ask someone out waiting around and she may move on to someone else by then find out now and save yourself a lot of stress
    koolpal likes this.
  9. koolpal

    koolpal Fapstronaut

    This just happened to me recently, and I tried it both ways:
    1. Wait the 90 days
    2. Just talk to her already
    For Girl #1, that long wait, and that anticipation for a "reward" after the 90 days was so anti-climactic, I resorted to PMO after she rejected me. Then I went on for months PMOing, bitter, and angry. (so much for the superpowers)

    For Girl #2, I just went and talked to her already. Then, immediately after, I assumed she already rejected me (traumatized from girl #1 experience), so I PMO'd that weekend. Then, it turned out she didn't reject me at all. She was just out of town that weekend. Then she started talking about her family, her plans in life, her weekend trip, and she turned out to be a pretty cool person.

    YMMV. But, all I can say is don't wait to figure out if she's into you or not. Know sooner, instead of building up that anticipation for nothing, and get disappointed. At the same time, be prepared for rejection or perceived rejection, as your mind might use it as an excuse to PMO.
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2019
    Di.Do.555 likes this.
  10. kisg12364#h

    kisg12364#h Fapstronaut

    Well, I want to share you a favorite quote because love is nothing but a crazy energy.

    koolpal and Di.Do.555 like this.

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