I can't help it but CRAVE sex!

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Iguana, Feb 7, 2018.

  1. Iguana

    Iguana Fapstronaut

    I make this post to share my frustration, not only do I have to fight the fact that I can't help but really crave sex/release but I also have to deal with feeling bad about it, I feel that I shouldn't feel this and at the same time it frustrates me that I can't get rid of it, I can't sate my needs because that is wrong, I want sex yet I can't have it and I should not look for it...

    There were times in which I was in control of my thoughts and urges, this is not one of those times, I'm in doubt right now, I really can't see the light...

    Lately I've been reading stories about people struggling years into their reboot and I cant help but consider the idea of giving up
     
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  2. Sandsii

    Sandsii Fapstronaut

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    A healthy human is ALWAYS going to crave sex, its completely natural so there is no reason to feel bad. Do what makes you happy... and by happy I don't necessarily mean 'short term pleasure'. Nofap doesn't work for everyone. Some people dont want to live with sexual frustration all their life and abstaining day in day out can be an obsession in itself.
    You're on 64 days which is a great achievement so don't just give up like that, take some time to think of how far you have come since day 1 and make a decision. Your happiness always comes first and only you know what that truly is.
    If I were you, i'd aim to get to day 90 and then reassess things.
     
  3. Id go to 90 and than id have a gf ready at hand, my opinion only
     
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  4. Clauss24

    Clauss24 Fapstronaut

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    Having weaknesses is something universal. We all are strong and weak simultaneously. But do you want to act on your weakness impulses?
    That would make it a reality. You will end up in shame, guilt, losses. You will live hell on earth and so do I, which is what I have been living in for past years.
    Having urges or feeling lonely is so hard but it's a price to pay for the freedom
     
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  5. Iguana

    Iguana Fapstronaut

    I have a 3 years relationship and been living with her for 1 year now, her sex drive is way too low and I don't know how to cope
     
  6. Firstly, you are completely normal, that drive is awesome.

    Second, regarding your gf, see if you can find a reason why her drive is so low. If she isn't depressed and just has a low drive, you might just be sexually incompatible, andy need to find another girl. All depends on the balance of the relationship...just don't let anyone drag you down.
     
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Have a girlfriend ready at hand? Really? For what, for the sole purpose to have sex with? Like you are booking a hotel room? This is totally the opposite of the NoFap goal.
     
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  8. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    What does the OP mean by a low sex drive? How often does he want to have sex and how often does she? Often times the PMO addict has an unusually high sex drive, because he’s an addict. I suspect the reason her drive is low is because having sex with a PMO addict is HORRIBLE! Even when they think they are awesome they are not. When I was dating my ex PMO addict the thought of having sex with him literally made me want to vomit. I have a very high sex drive as well, always have, but sex with a PMO addict killed it.
     
  9. Iguana

    Iguana Fapstronaut

    She's depressed but I really dont want to "fix" her, I do love her as she is, and I wish she was happier but she doesn't have the tools to feel better again right now

    Yes we have talked about this, she does not enjoy S with me anymore on top that she doesn't want sex at all, I was too goal oriented to make it more enjoyable yet she doesn't really want to talk about how to make it better.
    I will insist later on about talking it through, but as I said, she doesn't want S anymore and it doesn't have to do with me only.
     
  10. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Is she depressed as a result of your pmo addiction or something else? I was very depressed when I was with my ex but had not suffered from depression before. Rebuilding a relationship after a pmo addiction takes find a lot of time and that includes the sexual aspect. If you see your partner as simply a means to a sexual release (which it looks like you do) not only are you continuing the pmo mentality just transferring the desire from pmo to her but you also likely continue to have sex like a pmo addict without even knowing it. If you rebuild your relationship the sex will follow. But you have to rebuild and change your relationship with sex. What I mean is sex is a means to build and show intimacy to the one you love not a sexual release. You are overly focused on the sex part of the relationship. For women desiring sex is not just about her body it’s her mind. If she does not feel safe and can’t be vulnerable with you she is very unlikely to desire you sexually. Top that off with a guy that has sex like he’s in a porn with zero intimacy and you have a recipie for hating sex.

    My advice is to focus on yourself. It seems in your writing you are trying to make your partner somehow responsible but she’s not not in anyway. And even if she were the only persons behavior you can control is your own so do that.
     
  11. Iguana

    Iguana Fapstronaut

    Something else, she does not see my addiction as a problem, she insists that I should PMO to release when she's not available, she really does not get it and It makes it easier for me.

    Not to be rude but you're projecting, that's not the case at all
    I'm trying to improve things in bed but she seems the one that's goal oriented and I'm having a bad time breaking her up from that mentality
    I never stated that it was her fault, I made this post to share how I felt and how it was difficult for me, they told me to "get a girl" and all that fuzz and I explained that I already had my gf and that we're not having much sex, I do not want sex but to stop wanting it so badly
     
  12. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I am trying to get you to see how someone else could view your situation, your thoughts and your post differently than you do. You start by saying that you are frustrated and crave a release. What I’m saying is that’s not why you should seek or want sex. Then you go on to say how frustrating it is that your gf has a low sex drive. You may think this does not equate to seeing sex as a release but others will. That does not mean I’m projecting. I’m not in a relationship with an addict have not been for awhile so I’m not sure which negative attributes I see in myself I’m projecting onto you. It just means I’m telling you your behavior could be viewed that way conscious effort or not.

    Changing your attitude and getting better at sex is not about being less goal oriented. It’s about an emotional connection and that can’t be done with any skill in the bedroom. Focus less on the sexual aspect and more on the relationship aspect.

    And the fact that she does not have a problem with your pmo makes it easier for you to pmo? Who do you think in that sentence the blame is being pushed on? You should be quitting pmo for you not her. I suspect one of two things either she wants you to pmo because she hates sex with you so much if you pmo she knows she can avoid it or she’s tired of you pestering her for sex or she’s getting her needs satisfied elsewhere.

    I know you don’t like what I’m saying and you are probably getting angry with me. That’s okay. You need to open your mind to the possibility that she may see things a lot differently than you do.
     
  13. Iguana

    Iguana Fapstronaut

    I'm in conflict about my emotions, my goals and this battle, sorry if you got the wrong idea, and no the fact that she does not have a problem makes it easier to quit since I have less pressure and I can do things for myself.

    She wants me to PMO because she thinks it's normal and everyone including her does it, she does not understand the problems it might cause, I tried to explain it to her but she thinks its bogus, since after all its "normal", I do not mind that she thinks that.

    And she got bored of sex because it was always the same, since I started my streak and understood things we only had S once, I'm working on making it more emotional but she doesn't seem to care, I feel we only had S because she was horny and not because she wanted to emotionally connect with me, I think how we do it is not the main problem
     
  14. D
    Don't give up...some reboots take years but it's forward progress. Where I am now is better than where I was. Me I'm probably at the slow side of the spectrum. Been trying to control my addiction for 8 or 9 years...I have improved a ton and been able to better myself in aspects of my life. I still have had my bad days where I feel much worse than before but it happens.
    It's not just flipping a switch. And also, if you've identified it as a problem...what else are you gonna do? You gotta work on it cause it ain't going away.
     

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