I don't see any point in living my life at this moment. I feel so alone, so empty and confused. I just...don't feel like is worth it anymore to struggle with this life. In short, I'm almost 22, never had a girlfriend or a relationship, even sex. All my sexual life has been centralized in pornography. I've always thought that I'm ugly, insecure, not good enough for a girl so I just give up on the idea of having a relationship even though I had a couple of crushes on some girls over the years. In the last years I've watched more and more weird porn till I reached a point where I start masturbating to trans/gay porn. This was the moment where I realized how fu***d up my life has become. I start questioning my sexuality even though I was never attracted to a man in real life, but yeah I'm the type of person who overthinks everything. I seek reassurance every day for hours and hours, but the anxiety and fear is still there. My last 2.5 years have been a nightmare (health problems, depression, weight gain) and this was the cherry on top of all. I even tried to accept that I might be bisexual and this might solve out some things. But...I just can't, I can't see myself in a relationship with a man, doing the same things as I'll do with a girl. I tried to accept it, but it feels like a lie. I'm completely done with everything. I can't live my life like this. I cry, I look to other people that I know and see how happy they are and I....I'm a failure of a man. Sometimes I think suicide is the only option. I hate what I've become. I hope no one, even the worst of the worsts doesn't feel what I feel right now.