I crossed a line

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by jk243, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

    338
    1,120
    123
    Hello, a 20 years old guy. To summarize my problem. I watched porn for the first time when I was 14 years, it became a problem 3 years ago. Now I'm 20 and I didn't make any progress since then. There is a problem. I am a Christian , I grew up with Christian values. I love girls and never had sexual oriented problem. But these days, with the images of porn I watched, I have some "gay" random thoughts. It is not a big issue, it happens sometimes. But I cross the line ... I relapsed and then I saw an image, Idk why but I was curious about it, and I knew the link was leading to a gay site. I entered and then I immediately quit and I feel I crossed a line. A dirty line :(:(:(. I never entered to a gay porn site consciously . But today I did it. I'm not homophobic, I respect gay people, but those act don't match with my values and religion. Did you guys, without being gay, already watch gay porn; or being curious about it, I just want to know if you already did it or not:(:(
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. wtbootb

    wtbootb Fapstronaut

    49
    73
    18
    Yes, I was kinda curious but closed it almost immediately because I didn't like it. You know about the mistake you did, so just make sure not to do it ever again but first and foremost try not to relapse. Be strong, I wish you luck!
     
  3. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    738
    1,024
    123
    It's a side effect of porn addiction in general. The brain is curiously addicted and seeks out new stuff. Be thankful that your rational mind thought, "Eww, what the heck?" It is a good wake up call to stop.

    You don't have to worry about being gay or anything, just be thankful that you caught yourself now. A lot of guys who watch porn have developed fear of being gay only to realize that it was their messed up porn brains that were confused.
     
    Nomar, Hitto, LionHart and 3 others like this.
  4. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

    789
    1,434
    123
    I think what happened to you is more common than you think. There are lots of men (especially on this forum) who have questioned their own sexuality as a result of watching porn. In my experience from talking with some of them and from reading their posts, most of them are able to move past that sort of troubling phase in their lives from just treating the addiction to porn.

    There's actually a condition for what you're experiencing: it's called HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Here's a page with some more information on it: https://moodsmith.com/hocd/

    Just to be clear: HOCD does not mean you're gay. It just means that you have a lot of anxiety surrounding the thought that you might be gay. Having an experience like the one you described, where you watched a gay porn video and have confusing feelings about it, is a common way for people to start showing signs of HOCD.

    Overall, my advice is not to worry too much about it. You said yourself that you love girls and you've never had an issue with your sexual orientation. I don't think that's about to change just because you saw a porn video. Best of luck on your recovery, dude!
     
    Deleted Account, LionHart and Mirach like this.
  5. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

    545
    963
    93
    Same thing happened to me with my porn career...But for me it continued to progress and I’m age 32 now and it got really gross and twisted...

    Best thing for you to do is stay on this nofap journey to you can break the cycle sooner than later.

    And remember you’re not a bad guy, it’s not your fault, and it doesn’t mean you’re gay (necessarily). PMO addiction is progressive and we end up down paths we didn’t mean to go.

    Do everything in your power (and in gods power) to get the help you need, be honest about your thoughts and feelings don’t run from them), and recover from this horrible disease.

    Best of luck and reach out any time!
     
  6. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

    338
    1,120
    123
    Thanks guyz for your advice:)
    I just hope those images will dissappear soon of my head.:(
     
  7. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

    149
    74
    28
    Sometimes certain sites can lead you to gay sites. As soon as I have ended up on them I tend to just close the page as it disgusts me. However trannies didnt seem so bad as it started exciting me watching a female with a big d*** doing another tranny or herself. So I guess from what I see one thing leads to another and can probably lead to gay stuff.

    So my advice is stay away from the porn in the first place which I know is very hard as im trying myself and am pretty new yet. God has forbidden gay sex for a reason its just a lot of the tine people just either dont want to beleive in god or dont want to listen.

    I am not a christian but my religion is closely linked to it. I would suggest reading books, broaden your knowledge. You will enjoy learning new things and it will keep your mind busy.
     
  8. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

    149
    74
    28
    They will dont worry, its a matter of time
     
  9. Looking at straight porn does not match your religion.

    "everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart" - Jesus
     
  10. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

    149
    74
    28
    Even though this is written not just in Christianity but other religions. There is a difference between looking and doing. Yes you may have committed adultry but it is adulterous of the eyes not the d***.
     
  11. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

    338
    1,120
    123
    Yeah i know creativity, body work and learning (it helped me To beat my depression) Hope it Will dissapear. I'm not homophobic but homosexuality is naturally, spiritually and morally bad.
    Thanks for your feedbacks
     
  12. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

    338
    1,120
    123
    Yeah I hope so
     
  13. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

    338
    1,120
    123
    Yeah you're right. But I fight it, and I don't want to go further to this. That's what this thread is about.
    God bless
     
  14. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

    338
    1,120
    123
    Lol, yup man
     
  15. Very well said. You can not punish or feel shame for your thoughts. Your thoughts and whatever thoughts pop into your head do not make you the person that you are.

    I’m not religious at all and only put faith and belief into myself and wanting to do good and lately not let my thoughts overflow into sexual actions that make me risk losing anything.
     
    MasterRoshi and ak47_uk like this.
  16. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

    149
    74
    28
    I think people misinterpret a lot of the things in religion. There has to be a difference because if not that would be like saying if you have looked at another woman you have slept with her. Which is not the case, I know it may be a sin but its not the same sin as sleeping with her.
     
  17. TryingAgain

    TryingAgain Fapstronaut

    Hello there,

    Because you said you are a christian, there is something I would like to remember you: every sin is forgivable because of what Christ Jesus did; not what we do, not our own efforts but HIS work - work that we take part when we trully believe him.
    If Jesus took all guilty and shame on himself, why would you want to take it back?
    Hi did "It's done". So... It's done! You can rest on your conscience in this fact (that we acknowledge by faith).
    That's the good news (gospel =) )

    I used to punish and torture myself by years until I realised "Wait... I have this hope!".

    I can tell you that guilty will not get you any far from this. Forgiveness is available, and is free for you because Jesus paid the prize.

    All good you can do is rooted on this hope, in this faith.
     
  18. TryingAgain

    TryingAgain Fapstronaut

    I think that's the point here... we all have this in commom on this forum.
    Porn doesn't match with our values - no matter what's our religion or any other choice.
    There is something that transcends all confessions of faith: the respect for the human being.

    All that porn does is to disrespect the human being - man, woman; straight, gay, black, white, latin, american, european, and so on.

    We are all togheter in this fight. That's something that bonds us. And it's good!
     
  19. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

    338
    1,120
    123
    Yeah, You said that right. I sometimes used To punish myself, but as I aknowledge the Word, I understand that when I sincerely ask for forgiveness, he forgives me and I don't need to suffer or pay it by mysefl. Thank you!
     
  20. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

    338
    1,120
    123
    That's why we here. We all stand against it. With God, détermination and discipline, we Will win
     

Share This Page