I did it again today.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Sep 15, 2020.

  1. It happens again and again and again. I convince myself PMO is bad, I convince myself I'm a moral person and time and time again I choose for sexting and porn again. I know it's bad, I know I shouldn't do it but the brain has the ability to rationalise itself into anything it wants. I deleted all social media, I'm really gonna go within this time. My dick is broken, I have no sex drive, I can only get erect to a semi, worn down ghost of its former self. And yet I keep doing it, I keep fucking doing it. It's enough, it's gotta be enough. I just get so fatigued, so incredibly lonely and desperate when I do nofap I end up reaching for things. I end up reaching for apps with people to talk to and it always ends this way. It always does. I'm ruined man.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2020
  2. knight blade

    knight blade New Fapstronaut

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    I know that feeling. The inability to stop your own self destructive behaviour. The best thing to do is to take note of your feelings, environment and activity especially when you relapse. By paying attention to yourself you can identify what triggers you and become more self aware so as to know when you're about to PMO(you identify moments when you're brain is tricking you). Also it's very important that after you relapse once make every effort possible not to binge porn do not assume it's okay to do it for a few days before you start nofap gain, otherwise you will undo any progress you have made so far.
    It's a difficult thing but I assure you it gets easier with time. I have struggled with PMO for many years and I know how frustrating it can be, try keep your mind engaged with good habits and keep a journal of what's happening (I talked to myself on video recordings to motivate myself, it really helped). Set small goals for yourself, start with 3 days then a week and so on.
    It will get easier. Don't loose hope, keep trying and work to become self aware.
     
    Candun, alphakadabro and Master Chips like this.
  3. Yeah, the frustrating thing is that I know exactly what the reason and triggers are. I live a very lonely and isolated life and the reason I got addicted to sexting in the first place was because my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even talk to anyone in real life. My anxiety is still here, I doubt it'll be going away anytime soon. I've been to several therapists but to no avail. Starting up with a new psychiatrist soon so we'll see how that turns out. I've deactivated all of my accounts that I used for sexting or that had triggers on them. The difficult part is that leaving it behind means leaving most of my social contacts behind and that is insanely difficult for me. Past few days have been so rough, it hurts so much that I'm unable to sleep and I've barely eaten anything at all. I can't even talk to anybody about this, they won't understand.
     
  4. jimmywarbs

    jimmywarbs Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro,
    Well done for identifying the problem, that's the first step. Personally, i grew up a happy, social, anxious free(ish) and healthy, but when i got into the pits of PMO and all that comes with it, i was also so fatigued, so lonely and desperate, reaching out for things. I felt like that for so long that i started to believe that's actually how i now was as a person. I was fortunate that Covid gave me a make-or-break' situation, and i knew if i didn't get things under control during quarantine i'd be dangerous to my self. So i took every measure i could, here's a list of things i did EVERY DAY; cold showers, meditation, breathwork, exercise 2x, healthy plant based meals, early night 10pm curfew, 6am rise, fresh air an hour a day, no TV or video games alone, no computer alone, long reflective journaling everyday, WOOP daily planning (google it), social contact with 3 people, but most importantly, i made sure i found something that i was passionate about that i could immerse my self in completely for a few hours a day away from nofap and self development (for me it was an online study course). **and of course, strict! hard mode nofap**

    and the result was, i completely altered my thinking and it taught me the the most important lesson. those negative states i was living in were just the outcome of bad habits. and i am not my habits. i can change my habits at any time.

    Im 28 so I've been experimenting with all these things for the last decade, so i don't expect you to jump on board all of it right away. it's tough. But, dramatic, big changes in your lifestyle, will create dramatic big changes in your mood. if i can recommend anything, sit down and write questions and answers in long form for hours!! until you start to hit on what the real problem is and how you think you can get out of it. then make a plan, make it realistic and do it!

    It's doable. and we're all here for you bro! Your new social circle!
     

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