I didn't give in but I feel guilty

16 days PM free and 4 days since O with my wife. Feeling horny. I am bi and have always used gay porn infrequently but maintained my addiction by masturbating while looking in the mirror. Today I looked in the mirror and got aroused and semi-erect. I didn't touch myself but I feel guilty because I had decided to avoid mirrors since I think this is a P-sub for me. I'm glad I did not MO but I'm worried that the dopamine hit and acting in my old pattern has set me back.

 

I think scanning is also a trigger for me. I was at the gym this morning and was noticing other guys. I wasn't aroused by it but it triggers my insecurities. I am 38 yrs old skinny and my hair is thinning. Seeing muscular young guys with thick hair is tough. I think I looked in the mirror because I wanted to see myself as masculine and attractive.

 

My wife knows my history. I discussed this incident with her and I felt better.

 

I say history because I haven't been with a man in 12 years. I met my wife 7 years ago. I didn't choose to be bisexual but I choose to be monogamous and I choose to give up PM.

 

This is not the issue. My wife is supportive and willing to please me. I used gay porn because I'm aroused by looking at attractive men.

My wife knows about my past sexual experiences with men. I use the word history because I don't have any need or desire for sex with men.

 

It depends on your definition. I do enjoy sex with a woman (my wife). But I am also aroused by seeing an attractive man. Perhaps when I have been PM free for longer my attraction to men will diminish. I hope so.