I don’t want it to end this way again.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Pathofsuccess_1, Jan 18, 2020.

  1. Pathofsuccess_1

    Pathofsuccess_1 Fapstronaut

    I know this may sound like a generic nofap post and I post I write frequently. If you could give me the best advice I would appreciate it.

    Im writing this so I can hopefully get advice that will save me from a relapse and better my life that much more. It means a lot to me. I’ve relapsed way too many times. I can’t let it happen again.

    Ive been working really hard to stay away from PMO. But unfortunately, some things can be triggers that you can’t avoid.

    I started working at JCPenney in the men’s department today. I didn’t really think about it much when I applied for the job about a month ago. I’m 17 and I need to make money. Simple.

    When going around the store today since I was on the floor for the first time I inevitably had to pass the women’s department seeing all kinds of posters with psub class material on them. I did not stare, fantasize, or linger.

    That’s not the part that worried me though.

    I felt like after my brain was trying to latch on to any arousing material for pleasure and I found myself trying to objectify women’s bodies as I walked around the store (real life women).

    I stopped myself multiple times and continued on to stay away and work.

    When I was coming home, I went on this forum to look for any tips on if that in itself was bad. It wasn’t of course.

    Fast forward to now, 3-4 hours later, I am trying my best not to relapse.

    as I sit here, day 5 (completed 4 days free) and write this. I fear about what I did. It may be dramatic. But I found myself recently searching for advice on the forum innocently and then I was focusing on trigger words for stimulation (I didn’t PMO). It could be because I’m thinking about it and focusing on it, but ANYTHING to do with women, sex, or anything remotely related to erotic material makes me feel that tingle inside (like you can tell it is capable of arousal).

    To clarify it wasn’t full blown searching for the stories which included sexual stuff on nofap. But I would glance at words every once in a while that would trigger me.

    also, I can’t say if it was on purpose or not, (my logic is pretty reliable and I’m not just saying it was not on purpose because I don’t want to relapse) but I’m pretty sure it was not intentionally deliberate when it happened. I stood up not too long ago while I was aroused, and I felt my think slide on the inside of my pants and I felt that arousal (like the sensitive part of my thing) tingle. Tingle isn’t the word for it, but I guess it’s the feeling we all know.

    I didn’t do it intentionally, and I didn’t continue to do it whatsoever. But I enjoyed it.

    It’s like my brain was subconsciously thinking “nooo I’m NOT going to do it... ok that felt nice and I want to so bad but no I’m not going to allow it to happen”

    I got worried because I wanted to give in so bad but I didn’t do what happened again to continue the feeling so I’m confused.

    I honestly can’t think straight so this thread might be all over the place. But to the best of the ability let me know what you guys think, I appreciate all serious replies, as my life basically depends on nofap. thanks.

    (P.S. this addiction is the worst. My life has changed so much from staying away from it. I’m not feeling as good right now as I was in the summer though when I would average 30-40 day streaks. Right now I average 7-15 day streaks. I’m turning it back around and I’m GOING to be better than I was even in the summer. THIS is why I get so afraid of relapse. If you aren’t afraid, for a reason, if you don’t have a reason to do nofap, then why do it? Of course everyone has a reason, whether they have yet to find it or not. Some find there reason much quicker than others. Some deny it. But I know my life will not be good until I never PMO ever again. That. Right there. Is the whole goal.
    Chili Dog likes this.
  2. soulrebel

    soulrebel Fapstronaut

    Bro from my perspective, I would say don’t complicate your mind with nofap, in reality it’s really simple, stay away from PMO. That’s the first layer. The second layer is something that’s so under rated which I think would help you. Lower your gaze. Practice doing so. It’s pretty much not overly staring at the opposite sex when you encounter them or in your case psub posters At work. I believe it’ll help. Just start slow. That way you won’t feel like your objectifying anyone. don’t let your mind trick you into giving in. That’s what it wants. But it isn’t what you want. You aren’t your thoughts. Separate yourself from your thoughts. Because if you were your thoughts you wouldn’t be on this forum.