I don't care about having a girlfriend anymore.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Fractured Mindset, Jan 2, 2021.

  1. Almost two years ago, I finally confronted a girl I liked. I got rejected. After the emotional turmoil of dealing with the rejection, I found myself not being interested in anyone. sure I had a few false alarms, but I could hold myself back. Then the apocalypse struck, not only did I have no choice, but the stress I've been through really wore me down. Now I don't care. I accept I will never find anyone, that I'll never get to kiss a girl, despite the bulk of my peers all having successful relationships. Some of my high school classmates are already married/ engaged, or have a kid. Yet nothing's changed for me. My reasoning?
    - I'm incapable of changing to meet women's demands
    - I'm not what women want (explanation here )
    -I'm finding more often that people are just cookie cutter personality types with the same interests.
    -My interests, even with other students in my major don't always line up
    - I don't inherently want to join in the things that are popular.

    besides, I'm not even ready for a relationship.

    I've been thinking about this for some time, but I recently had a minor lapse that's really got me going on some of this.

    So my question is, what am I supposed to do after my 90 days, which already passed last august? My romantic inclinations have dropped to almost nothing, and my sexual urges are far less than what they were, but are still there.

    The last few months were pure anarchy. I was handling the apocalypse mostly fine until I had to start dealing with people again (ie, when college started back up). maybe I just need to vent some more.
     
  2. Venting is always good. What did you set out to achieve when you decided to abstain from PMO?

    If you dont feel your life needs to revolve around a relationship, what do you want to get out of your life? A career you enjoy? A chance to see the world? Hobbies that you actually have an interest in?

    Sounds like you enjoy experiencing life as an individual, so even if your mates are doing something else with their lives that conforms to the norm, do you feel your life needs to run to their timeline in terms of romantic relationships/ marriage/having a family etc?

    I hope you have/find something that gives you a sense of purpose and meaning :)
     
  3. PanteriMauzer

    PanteriMauzer Fapstronaut

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    Im a bit of a pirate and a vampire , and im still not on a relationship so that video is bullshit
     
  4. Honestly I have bad luck with dating to, I attract men more then I do women haha but I cannot say I have never had options. Listen bro you are the way you are, and I promise their is a willing girl out there, however don't be surprised if you have to lower your standards a bit. Whatever you do do not stay in a victim mentality or feel bad for yourself, honestly don't even focus on dating. Continue to work on yourself and I promise eventually you will find someone, you do not always have to seek it out. And listen, who cares if some random girl does not want to date you, its her loss right?.
     
    Lionheart23 likes this.
  5. When I began, it was because I thought I had the opportunity to get myself a girlfriend. I told myself if I was going to have a girlfriend, I couldn't look at porn anymore. she said no, and I did have two relapses, but found the material uninteresting and realized I had my opportunity to quit. I quit masturbation a few months later when I joined nofap.
    However, with life, there's a major difference between what I want, what I'll enjoy, and what will actually happen. but right now, I feel like the best path for me would be learning how to properly develop a story, conflict, characters, ect. I'm taking a writing class that should help with that, as well as a film and video production class, but I'm weary of that one because I don't know how much time I'll have to put into it. I would like to see the world, but once I have the money to do so.
    Finally, I know I'm not supposed to measure my successes based on others', it just feels like I should be farther along in certain areas of my life than I am. I had a sense of purpose after the apocalypse started- since I work in retail, I really felt like I was contributing something to the world. However, I got tired of the routine and other life things started happening. I've got a chance now to relax, so I'm getting these feelings that have been building up out.
    NOW... in a bizarre twist of events, the girl I liked has suddenly started following my Instagram (out of nowhere mind you), so I may need a few days to figure out what's happening, but most likely, nothing.
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  6. Honestly, I realize that information like this is not supposed to be end all definitive, but it works for the general idea. I've been in similar situations with other videos/ content as well.
     
  7. right now, my issue would be that I just lost interest in relationships naturally. Also, my self loathing can get really intense (and also note, I was in therapy 2017-2019, and I am on anti depressants).
     
  8. Dude, I know what rejection feels like and how much it hurts. The only time that I have ever had a girlfriend was in 6th grade, and even then it was only for around half a year. So while I have had my first kiss, I don't know what "counts" and what does not. But if there is one thing for sure, is that ever since then, I have pursued a relationship for a very long time. Each grade I would have a crush and hope it would work out, then end up with a big "no". And it's not like there was anything wrong with me. It's just that I wasn't what they were looking for. Or, at least, I could have been. I got into porn in 7th grade and ever since I have had trouble being the same, and I am now in my freshman year of college. It has brought down my self-confidence and relationship with God substantially and sometimes made me unable to look others in the eyes. Who knows? When it comes to chicks, I could be in a very different place right now. Porn gave me unrealistic expectations for the girls that actually had a thing for me and I turned them down. Every time I got rejected, I told myself, "There will never, ever, be anyone else like her again..." and I'd think I'd never find love. Then the crush process would start back up, and the cycle would continue. See what I mean? What hurts now might not in the future if you give it some time. It's amazing what reflecting on experiences can do when you look back at what is and what isn't. So don't believe any of the myths that "women only want this, or x" because we're humans, bound to be diverse. Try and find people with similar interests, and then when you differ in viewpoints, try and understand each other from there. And don't give up hope man. That's super important because every moment can be a new opportunity, not everyone even needs a romantic relationship, and we're here to fix ourselves. Once again, give it some time, stay true to yourself, and I bet something good will happen. But it won't be easy or instantaneous. Just as I continue looking, you should too. Keep being yourself because there's only one of you in this world.
     
  9. same here. still in no relationship at 24.

    only opportunity i had was this 29 year old woman that has 5 kids come on me at work that i wasn’t interested in. and the only thing she wanted from me was sex (it seemed) and i turned that down due to being afraid of STDS and going against my religion.

    you go to a university or community college? i was really hoping i would spark some conversation with girls at my CC but there was not many and none of them really talked and kept to themselves. i would have to say i kinda envy you for approaching that girl, let your feelings be known, and having some interaction with people all things im chickenshit at.
     
  10. When I went after the girl, I was still in community college. I'm attending a university now. I'm generally not going to interact with people unless I need something, or I already know them.
     
    markn96 likes this.
  11. PanteriMauzer

    PanteriMauzer Fapstronaut

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    Its a bit of bullshit honnestly

    Dont give up hope man , there are alot of different woman on this world
     
    Ravi03 likes this.
  12. girl ever say much to you before then? and does everyone else interact with eachother or just kept to themselves? cause my only in person class people were boring as fuck. and i couldn’t really tell if any girls were interested in talking to me cause they either had boyfriends or it was just because of covid and thats why no one said much.
     
  13. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Don't go after girls intentionally putting a lot of effort and thinking too much about it.
    24 yo, go after your goals/dreams, hobbies/work/money/travilling/being financially independent, etc. you name what is meaningful for you. During your way you will interact with women, if there is a girlfriend material then take her along 'your' way, if not then continue like this.
    If you do so you may find yourself at 31-35 yo (for example) in a very good situation in general (you achieved some of your dreams) and that time you will choose between different women, even much younger.
     
    Stenacity likes this.
  14. Most of the girls, either high school, community college, or my old workplace I didn't really know or don't think they knew me very well. Never really put any effort in. Though I did befriend a few of these girls before I found the one to go after.

    and as of right now, I can't pursue my dreams because-
    1- I'm on the verge of financial ruin (got to hold out until my income taxes come in)
    2- I've got too much to learn to be able to do what I want
    3- I'm so busy with work and other requisites I have difficulty finding time to pursue my interests (except still photography, as I've managed to integrate it into my general routine)
     
    Aaronblack2140 and Stenacity like this.
  15. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    There won't be ever ideal conditions to follow your dreams/goals. Do things despite of.

    There are many, but just one example - Parkes Cadman worked in a coal mine for ten years, beginning at age 11 and he read books while working in the mine, in between hauling loads of coal. He became a famous radio speaker of his time (20-30ies). You can find info in Wikipedia
     
  16. Agent

    Agent Fapstronaut

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    I feel you, myself i have lost the interest or maybe hope as well but i still have deep in my mind that i might be able to do it somehow... Maybe i lie to myself but i use it as a mechanism to deal with it. Having friends helps a lot with forgetting this and sometimes its a getaway to find someone or not. The problem is when you don't have them which makes things a little harder. Yet i admire and respect the courage you had to express your feelings towards the girl you liked. Back in 2015 i loved this girl from my school and i was facing lots of problems which made me very insecure and people from my classroom always made things awkward, once they *around 14 guys from my class* shouted outside to that girl i liked her and i was not prepared to say anything and i ended up saying he was joking. Still to this day i regret that, at least you tried and i'm sure someone out there will love you no matter how different you are from other guys.
     
    Aaronblack2140 likes this.
  17. Yea, while she wasn't the first girl to get my interests, she was still the one that got me going on this current porn quitting run. It'll be two years since my last legitimate relapse at the end of February, but I've been slipping.
     
  18. Agent

    Agent Fapstronaut

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    Me too...
     
  19. Stenacity

    Stenacity Fapstronaut

    This is the #1 reason not to worry about pursuing a relationship. If you're not in a place for one, who cares if the others around you are married and having babies. It sounds you've got enough on your plate.

    This is another good reason to take some time before getting involved with someone else. It's hard to love and connect with others when you loathe yourself.

    Echoing the others, now is a good time to focus on your goals, your mental health, your education. The better you feel about yourself and where you're going the more space you'll have for someone else. Do the inner work and if you're lonely focus on building community vs romance. You have time for a relationship down the road.
     
  20. Honestly, I've been trying. It just feels like there's always something that's going to get in the way.
     
    Aaronblack2140 likes this.

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