I don't feel addicted to porn anymore. But there still is some issues.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    The biggest thing that causes me to relapse on PMO is a hangover from alcohol. Now I know many of you might think well just stop drinking alcohol. But I do feel like I have issues with alcohol. I manage to stay off it completely for a week, two weeks, and sometimes even longer. But then sooner or later I end up drinking again. I am not someone who can have a few drinks and stop. I usually can't stop when I start drinking, and then end up getting really drunk. I then wake up the following day horny beyond belief, the worse the hangover the more horny I am, the worse the hangover the worse the PMO binge.

    So usually when this happens I spend the entire day PMO binging. But then after that I stop and don't look at porn or artificial sexual stimulation for a few weeks. I actually rarely even masturbate. One other issue is the chaser effect though. I have noticed after I have binged like this it can take a few days for me to stop feeling as horny, and to stop wanting to search and look at porn. But usually after 3,4 days it usually calms down again, and then I literally go weeks hardly even feeling horny, I have no urge to search or look at anything, and I rarely even feel like masturbating.

    So I mean I don't even feel like I am addicted to porn anymore. I can usually go without it easily. Even when I have been feeling stressed out, or even when I have felt horny, which is very occasionally I still have had no urge to search anything. But then when I am hungover from alcohol I am horny beyond belief and want to PMO more than ever. Like I said the worse the hangover the more horny I am, the worse the hangover the worse the PMO binge.

    But even though I don't feel addicted to porn anymore, I still have issues with erections a lot of the time. My erections are so unreliable. Sometimes I am getting random rock solid spontaneous erections, morning wood. But then other times I lose an erection easily, or even struggle to get one in the first place. So I clearly still have a sexual dysfunction. I clearly haven't had a long enough reboot to have cured that. But the issue is I always end up PMOing again because of a hangover from alcohol.

    People might wonder why do I drink though, there must be something causing me to go back to alcohol. Well I am 28 and I actually began drinking around the age of 12. I basically got drunk on and off from the age of 12. I wasn't drinking every day or anything like that at that age. But I would drink most weekends, and this went on through most of my teens. I did go through periods where I stayed alcohol for periods of time as well. But around the age of 18 my drinking really took off when I started going to the pubs.

    So one reason why I drink is because I like it. I like drinking. But another reason is I have issues with my mental health, anxiety, depression, but mainly severe ocd, obsessions. I get severe ruminating thoughts that never stop. I got therapy for this and it made it worse. Because when I understood how it worked I actually began ruminating about ruminating. I have been on medications in the past to treat my mental health and they did help. But unfortunately the only medications that helped my anxiety and ocd, obsessions were the SSRI anti depressants. Nothing else helped me. The SSRI anti depressants cause serotonin to be high in the brain, and as far as I am aware this lowers dopamine, and this is why these SSRI anti depressants cause sexual side effects. I had severe sexual side effects the entire time I was on all these medications. I also put on extreme weight on these medications as well. So naturally I don't want to be on these medications.

    So I honestly believe the biggest reason I turn to alcohol is to escape my own thoughts, to get some relief for a while. Because when I am drinking I usually feel great.

    So this is basically the situation I am in.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2019
    Innervision likes this.
  2. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    You thought about smoking pot instead bro? My ex girlfriends mum was a full blown dysfunctional alcoholic and managed to quit by replacing it with weed
     
  3. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I didn't actually mention weed in my post. I actually smoked weed heavily from the age of 12 until the age of 17 when I stopped it when I began experiencing anxiety and paranoia. I do still take the occasional puff but very rarely.

    Weed actually also increases my risk of PMO relapse. I seem to usually prefer PMO when I am stoned. The porn seems more like some sort of trance or something which is enjoyable. That's the best way I can describe it.
     
  4. DeProfundis

    DeProfundis Fapstronaut

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    What else can you do to unwind besides drinking alcohol and smoking weed?
     
  5. Innervision

    Innervision Fapstronaut

    Do you know the work of Dr. Gabor Mate? He has some profound writings and talks about the process of addiction and how, at its foundations, there's some kind of disconnection and suffering that one is trying to escape. Until you begin to face these issues and process them in a healthy way, you tend just to skip from one form of addiction to another. Of course this often is a painful and very challenging task, but with support, help and determination it can be done. One step at a time on the right direction is how huge changes can occur. all the best
     
  6. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling with OCD. It was a problem of mine as well for many years. Like you, I got completely cured with SSRI, which, in elevated dose, is the gold standard for OCD. I also experienced the typical side effects (sexual dysfunction and anhedonia). Therapy made it worse.

    There are other medications approved for OCD that has a good success rate among users, for example mirtazapine, which is an excellent somewhat sedative antidepressant. It doesn't bind to the 5 HTP 2c receptor and therefore won't cause sexual side effects. It doesn't work well at all with alcohol, so it might be a motivation for you to stop drinking, or at least not go into binges. Talk to your doctor.

    I highly discourage you from replacing alcohol with weed, as some people suggest. Marijuana, as you know, can cause mental instability and schizofrenia in susceptible people. It can't help, only make symptoms worse.

    Good luck on your NoFap journey.
     
  7. Seems like in your mind being horny means you should binge entire day.
    Yes you get drunk, yes you wake up horny in the morning, you should masturbate, get an orgasm and in 10 minutes its over. You just avoided spending entire day binging.

    When you as you call it "binge" for hours on end, yes exhaust systems that maintain your erection and you disorient stimulus that triggers them. All of your behavior is learning, meaning no matter what you do it changes you and it changes your nevus system.
    So you demolish what would seem like normal sexual response, and it becomes very confusing when erection is appropriate and when effort should be made to maintain it.

    If you only have sex exclusively, then body learns that when arousing stimulus is present, like a female, kissing, touching etc you get an erection and it is kept solid.
    The more you dilute this the more poorly defined this stimulus becomes and then you have no clue what gives you erections.
    Its like telling someone - if you see green then go and if you see red stop. Simple enough...
    The if you see blue and red then proceed slowly, and if red is with orange then go back, violet with green and orange is no-go and we keep complicating.

    Why people drink is not a secret, we know what effects of alcohol are, it improves mood, lifts self esteem, reduces stress and clams down.
    I had a hard day - let me drink, is the cornerstone of people who drink.

    Drinking is also a choice between drinking and doing something else. Should I go out with friends to play bowling and get same or better mood benefits or should I drink here all alone. Do I have friends I can go out with?
    Should I paint my living room, fix the facet in the kitchen or help my wife cook? All very rewarding and mood lifting behaviors, or should I just drink?

    Why do you think wife of a drinker is upset? She is upset because she is deprived of attention and activities that would make her happy, because drinker goes to get them elsewhere and she is left depressed, uncared for, stressed and with low self esteem.

    It is very clear why you drink, you have low self esteem, anxiety and stress. You did not learn how to cope with those in healthy ways that facilitate healing, and they may have evolved in to more serious forms like obsession and compulsion and they will continue to evolve.
     
  8. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    What does it exactly take to completely fix this sexual response? I have been on nofap and pornfree for about a year and a half. So a lot of streaks and a lot of relapses. But also a lot of binges. Like I said I am at the stage now where the only time I usually relapse is if I have a hangover. But if it is a bad hangover this is basically guaranteed a binge. I don't know why but for some reason I seem to love PMO edging, binging when I am badly hungover. It just seems to be so enjoyable when I am badly hungover.

    I do believe in the last year and a half I have made huge progress. Like I said these days I hardly ever get an urge to search anything, and over the last while I hardly even want to masturbate. I get morning wood and spontaneous erections. Sometimes I can just touch my dick and it goes hard. But yeah it's as if my dick is confused and doesn't know when it is supposed to go hard. Because there has been times over the last while I have felt horny and just tried to masturbate using my imagination thinking about realistic stuff and I didn't have a solid erection and kept losing it. But then I have had morning wood and spontaneous rock solid erections when I haven't even felt horny. This just makes no sense to me at all.

    Yeah I have very low self esteem. I have severe social anxiety and severe obsessions. Alcohol can sometimes get rid of the social anxiety nearly completely, and it can even get rid of the obsessions completely sometimes. It's like if I got the obsessions when I am drinking I wouldn't care about them the same. It just seems to make me feel great. When I drink yeah it is very anti anxiety, anti stress to me and it does lift my mood. I actually just like drinking as well, I enjoy it. But yeah because of the worry of relapsing on PMO this is why I try to avoid drinking. But after a few weeks I usually get to the point the thought of having a drink really excites me. Also if I am feeling very stressed out with obsessions and my own mental health then I feel like I can't wait to get a drink, because it does feel like a huge temporary escapism to me. I do believe I am much more addicted to alcohol than what I am to PMO. At one time I would of said I was far more addicted to PMO. But these days I would say I am far more addicted to alcohol. I honestly hardly get an urge to search or look at anything anymore, I feel like that behaviour has completely changed. But then when I am hungover, especially if it's a bad hangover I feel so excited to PMO. I just don't understand it.

    It kind of seems to me like when I have been off the alcohol completely for a few weeks the excitement I get from the thought of drinking takes over the thought of the consequences. But I always plan to just have a few and it hardly ever happens. Same with the PMO. When I have a bad hangover the excitement I get from the thought of PMOing takes over the thought of the consequences. In that moment it seems like nothing else matters, and all that matters is getting my PMO. But like I said this only seems to happen when I have a bad hangover.

    Do you think I could ever get to the stage I could have a drink and this doesn't happen to me when I am hungover?

    But yeah my main question is what do you think it takes to completely heal from this sexual conditioning? I feel like I am over the addiction a lot of the time, considering the only time I want PMO is if I have a bad hangover. But the sexual conditioning seems much more difficult to fix. Do you believe streaks all add up? It says on YBOP all streaks add up.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2019
  9. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

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    i think AA's your best bet.
     
  10. I have seen addicts, real addicts, addicted to substances like heroin. Their health falls apart, mainly because they do not eat anything, their teeth rotten, because they do not brush them. They start by selling everything they have to buy the drugs, then start stealing and selling that, they distance themselves from everyone, because they know judgement will come and moreover drugs make it hard to relate to others, they just do not feel anything talking to others, emotions go missing, they feel nothing and then whats the point?
    When they miss a dose they suffer, the pain is severe, both emotional and physical. Pain comparable to loosing your loved one, it is devastating, they fall in to depression, suicidal thoughts flood their mind on top of significant sense of weakness and physical pain.
    They lay there outside, under some tree, in the cold rain, going out of their mind, saying - how did I get here, why? I am so ashamed of myself.
    In that moment, they regain the ability to feel emotions, that has been suppressed by drugs, and they want support and they want love but it is not there, nor do they feel they deserve it.
    Then at some point they break, the illusion they had falls apart, reality hits them, tears roll down their face and they find resolve to say - I can do better, I will recover, I will fix this. Hope is born

    Do they make the change? Next time, they do not miss the dose and they feel fine, their resolve if only temporarily - forgotten, but life has other plans, they get caught stealing, booked in to prison. Then sent for rehabilitation.

    Sitting in their cell awaiting transfer to the rehab facility, the pain returns, the humiliation, depression and suicidal thoughts. It all hits at once and there is no "fix" coming, not for a while...
    Sweating and shaking in pain, tears rolling down his face, he finds resolve again, I will fix it! he says. This is my chance now, I will get clean and move on with my life, travel and do other things.

    Week goes by in rehab and he can walk around without feeling a massive headache, another and he enjoys watching the sunset though the bars of his ward window - event he forgot existed, food as bland as it is, still seems enjoyable again.
    He makes friends in the ward, talks about life, shares stories, regrets and hopes.
    He can again connect with others and life seems to have meaning, family comes to visit, he cries with tears that convey all emotions he has not felt in so long ranging from sorrow to regret to joy to gratitude.
    He can now plan for the future, a job he can get when he gets out, a room to live. Hope, hope, hope

    He steps out of the rehab facility, he is free again. He sees a familiar bench overlooking a small park, he walks over and sits down.
    The bench has not changed one bit, same pealing paint, deep scratches from decades of use and that same familiar feeling.....
    Same as he felt last time he was here...
    And same as time before last...
    and time before that...

    First time he went to rehab, he ran out in to the world, confident he knows what to do next.
    Second time he lingered and sat down on a bench for a moment, to think.
    Third time he was there for an hour, next time for few hours or so it seemed.
    Now, he is not sure he wants to leave, he knows where the path from be bench leads and he does not know how it can be any different.
    He does not know what to do, how to act like a normal human being, how to value and interact with others, how to plan, how to love, how to give..
    How do I live a good life?
    Tears roll down his face as he watches the sunset

    This story is rooted in reality, perhaps too much for this forum.
    Behavior defines outcome and people do not change behavior, they resist change as much as they can, they even fight back, to stay as they are.
    Man in this story spent 10 years trying to stop his real debilitating addiction, it took 10 years for him to finally stop and say - I have no clue how to have a good life...
    How can I go in to the world, expecting anything different this time?
    I have no clue how to have a good life is a realization in my eyes more profound than any other.
    It does not suggest change of behavior, no, it demands far more, it demands change of view on life, reconsideration of core values and demolition of your current beliefs and goals.

    If it takes, hardcore heroin addict 10 years to finally realize, it is not his use of drugs that destroys his life, it is his lifestyle that includes drugs as integral part, that destroys his life.
    How long do you think it will take people that see their issue as "minor" drinking problem, or porn abuse to realize the same?
    I would say Never, very few people are willing to face reality on their own, without first being shredded to peaces by consequences of their actions.

    I stand in awe when I hear things like, "do you think i will ever drink and not feel consequences?"
    Let me ask you then - What would it take for you to stop? - terminal illness? Death of a loved one? Divorce? Resentment by your kids? Jail? Rehab?
    It is time to realize that - You do not know how to live a good life and take action. Or you risk ending up on the hypothetical bench afraid to live, with most of your life behind you, tears rolling down your face.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2019

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