I don't have a family and that's why I used porn.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Newlife33, Mar 29, 2019.

  1. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    It's as simple as that. Mom was depressed her whole life. She didn't abuse me but she didn't give me anything. It was very emotionally hollow. Dad was a manipulative con artist and a malignant narcissist. He tried to take everything he could from everyone, including his kids.

    I got rid of them all two and a half years ago. The whole lot, I just left and never went back. And never will. They will die and I will not go to the funerals. That is fact.

    And now I know why I used porn. Why I escalated to watching shemale porn and other taboo categories. I needed to have an escape, a release for the pain and the stress.

    So now that I am two years free, I am doing ok. But I am really lonely. There's no one around to support me. I have nothing but myself and a few friends, which I guess is better then nothing.

    I don't really know what to do next. I'm a bit scared but happy? I have this new voice and at first I ran from it and kept masturbating and watching porn to run from the voice because that's just what I've done my whole life. But now I trust my voice! I know the good voice from the bad voice. I just have to recognize that a lot from here on out is going to be new, I'm going to have to establish boundaries and stick to them, and not fall prey to toxic people just to cure my loneliness. I'm scared but ready. The past is the past and that pain led me to be 35 and spending my Friday afternoon posting on a porn recovery site. Not the way I pictured my life at this point, but that's where I am and that's where I will be for a little bit. It will be worth it eventually, I just have to keep going.

    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    I really recommend you to watch the content on youtube about David Goggins. He has had a similar experience in life. Motivates the shit out of me for the past 1.5 years.
    He also has a book that is worth reading or listening to. It really makes you reflect to your own life and you will understand yourself better.

    Stay strong
     
    justafriend likes this.
  3. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man I will give it a shot, I appreciate the info. Anything else you want to recommend is welcome.
     
  4. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    I don't usually watch this type of video, but saw him one day in a podcast and that gave me the chills.
     
  5. Chris_Melbourne

    Chris_Melbourne Fapstronaut

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    hey man, I don't know how your parents treated you in your past life, I saw some people like you who never want to go back to their parents' home and visited them again, and they also live lonely and unhappily. I feel I am always grateful to my parents as they brought me up, which I think is not easy and needs lots of time investment. If your parents mistreated you, then okay, it is reasonable to dislike them, but if it is just your parents are not kind and don't know how to love you, then it is acceptable as not everyone is suitable to be a parent, why not just forgot it and try to love them? You know that they are not qualified to be parents, then what you do now maybe is also not very ...
    Forgot the unhappy past and try to think of the good sides of your parents, and visit them sometimes to see if you can change them and make them better, then I am sure you will feel happier.
     
  6. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    I know you mean well my man but that is terrible advice. My parents and family were abusive, and comparing your own family to someone else's to try and give advice is immature and a bit self centered.
     
    letter and Roffelaar like this.
  7. Chris_Melbourne

    Chris_Melbourne Fapstronaut

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    sorry for that, I didnt mean it:) it is too hard to erase the influence of original family. I grew up in a family where my mother dominates everything and my parents quarrel a lot. I always feel lonely as well, and even when i am with my family or friends, the loneliness feeling never goes away.
     
    Roffelaar likes this.
  8. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    I forgive you man no worries, you did it with all best intentions in mind. And I'm sorry you're going through that, that doesn't sound like an ideal situation either. I guess that's just part of becoming an adult, realizing all these things and then making the choices that are best, even if sometimes they are difficult.
     
  9. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    It took leaving my family behind me to realize what home really was, because with them I was never home.

    Go find people who know this thing. Those who know it like you do are your family, no matter what colour of skin or type of blood...or their physical proximity to you. This is the easiest way to defeat loneliness.

    All the best to ya.
     
  10. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    Yep, this is my story, too. Dad was emotionally absent and a workaholic who I rarely saw, and he was a rage monster when he was around. My mom was an enabler and spent much of my growing up years hospitalized for one mental trauma or another. I basically raised myself and helped raise my siblings. i turned to P for intimacy and connection that I did not have at home. It was a mistake ot do this, but it was how I learned to cope.

    I did not get serious about dealing with PMO head on until I was 40. It has been an interesting journey these last six years. I am also rather estranged from my family, although not to the degree you are from yours.It is always tense when we do interact, and we do not do so very often.

    I wish you success on your journey.
     
  11. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You didn't have the right people in your life. You used porn to escape that reality and thus putting a pause on the quality of your relationships. Now you're free from porn and the problems you've neglected this whole time was still there waiting for you.

    Now that you stopped neglecting your reality... you can create the life and relationships that you want.

    It won't be easy, but the easy way out (porn) didn't do you much good in the past.
     
    koolpal and Tao Jones like this.
  12. same here mate ;) keep it up!
     
    LEPAGE likes this.

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