I DON'T have a foot-fetish

Hello everyone, my name is Jacob and I have a porn/masturbation addiction. I have been fapping most days and often multiple times a day for years and the porn which I watch has gotten increasingly bad and I believe that it's whats stopping me from living the life I want to live.

I hate the way porn makes me feel afterwards, like I'm a loser and a pervert, and that's just not who I am, or who I want to be. It has given me a very warped view of my own sexuality, I went from looking at pretty innocent images when I first started looking at porn to foot-fetish femdom and I came to believe that's what I really wanted and it made me want to kill myself. What I really want from a woman is true romance and love.

What I have come to realize about foot-fetish is that it IS NOT REAL, and here's why.. I do find women's feet pretty, when their well pedicured, clean and sexy, but I find everything about a beautiful women attractive the problem is my own obsession. Through porn and through being tortured by this idea that I might have a foot-fetish and obsessing about it for years its no surprise that I came to be kind of acting it out but the truth is that it's bullshit, I've just conditioned myself into a fetish. My mistake was the limiting belief that I had to either find women's feet attractive and have a foot-fetish, or not find them attractive at all and not have a foot-fetish. What I realize now is that if I stop obsessing about it, I realize that it's just one tiny aspect to my whole sexuality, not really a big deal at all. One clear indicator of this for me what something I head Mark Queppit say on his YouTube videos which was to look for a disharmony between what I find I'm believing in the moment and my higher truer ideals. For me this is an easy one, in the moment while watching porn, fantasizing or otherwise obsessing I believed I wanted a women to take my freedom away and to control me, when the reality is that I value personal freedom above all else and in real life nothing frustrates me more than people (men or women) who are control freaks and try to tell me what to do or what to believe.

I hope I don't get too much hate for being honest about my personal struggle because a lot of people wont be able to relate, but if anybody does please let me know, I'd love to hear some feedback from someone else who has conditioned themselves into believing they have some kind of fetish.

I am currently just starting NoFap for the very first time and I'm currently on day 5. I've not had any strong urges yet which is very odd because I would have expected to flatline by now but I guess I've just been getting high on life. Stay strong, stay clean!