I don't know what else to do

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by greatwolf, Jan 9, 2017.

  1. greatwolf

    greatwolf Fapstronaut

    16
    20
    3
    First forgive my English, its not my first language, so i don't express right sometimes what i really want to say. Now like i said in the title, i don't know what else to do to stop from my porn addiction. I have try almost everything but i thing i can't stop it. I can't stay without see porn and masturbate for a long time.

    I am addicted in pornography and masturbation 25 years now. With porn addiction i have and addiction with heroin in the past for about 10 years, but i have stop the drugs before 17 years (i am 39 years old now). With drugs i stop and smoking and drinking, i leave from my old town, i have make some new friends, i have go back to school because as teenager i stop it and now i have make it and i study medicine. I have make a lots of good things after my rehab and the fact that i am gonna be a doctor in a few years, says something for my try.

    But even i have stop the drugs and do good things in my life the PMO i can' t stop it and i am very very sad about this. I have spend a long time in pornography, for all the past years about 8-10 hours a day. I was my only relief for my pains from the past and the present and my loneliness. For that i understand why is so difficult to quit. And the other reason is that i have to make sex with women 14 years now (!!). Yes that is the true because i was in a religion group and sex allowed only in marriage and all this years i don't find some girl for marriage, so i dont have sex. I have gone for that group now but because off all religion story it is still difficult to me to make a relationship with women only for sex.

    So, i have 25 years to see porn and masturbate almost every day and i dont make sex 14 years. I have the sexual desire all the time in my mind and i don't want that because is force me to fap and after all the things is sucks (you know what i mean). I try everything to dont PMO, exercise, meditation, vision mediation, pray, fasting, affirmations, walking, running, etc. I use all my will power but when that desire come, i cant make it stopped....

    The only thing that frees me for PMO is crying. Because i dont want to fap i resist with all my heart and my will power and because the pressure is to big and i dont want to relapse i start to cry. But i cry a lot and for hours and i cant stopped. When i finished cry then i am free for the sexual desire. Its like when you are drunk and all the things spinning around and you dont feel well and you go for vomiting and then you fell ok. The cry is like the vomiting to me.

    But all that is so hard for me. I cry every day, 2-3 times a day for 15 years now and exempt for some temper relief, the sexual desire is still there and force me to PMO again and again and again. I am so mentally tired, sometimes i have thing and suicide but i know i cant do this. I am very disappointing and very sad. I thing that maybe i cant never stop that thing or maybe i dont really want that to stop. I dont know what else to say and i dont know what else to do.

    I find some hope with your community this 2 days i become a member and really some post and especially the panic button helps me a lot. The issue is that i am afraid of my addiction and i dont truly believe that i cant win it someday....
     
  2. Fro 29

    Fro 29 Fapstronaut

    41
    36
    18
    Dona give up bro .
     
    MyNewSelf, greatwolf and AndySky180 like this.
  3. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

    1,292
    1,107
    143
    Fighting addiction isn't easy. It's as difficult as writing with the weak hand. Like a right-handed person can't write with left hand in one day, not even in one month. Likewise fighting addiction is a lot of effort. External factors come into play. Just as learning a language takes time, it's same for addiction or any other hobby.


    This above link gave me some advice.


    Is there any place where you can make real life friends or even friends on watsapp? There is a group on Telegram, that's like watsapp only more anonymous.
     
    Mankrik, AndySky180 and greatwolf like this.
  4. IggyIshness

    IggyIshness Fapstronaut

    2,296
    1,280
    143
    I can write with my left hand
     
  5. IggyIshness

    IggyIshness Fapstronaut

    2,296
    1,280
    143
    You have to hate this addiction as if you want to stab a knife through it 300 time under a minute saying fuck you and really angry. And if your this angry at it when you get urges i gerantee you wont give in. You have to hate it
     
  6. Tanner

    Tanner Fapstronaut

    31
    47
    18
    A quote that comes to mind: "Don't CRY to GIVE UP...CRY to KEEP GOING"

    If you are having such extreme issues, I would consider a therapist, or another real life person you can communicate with. Looking at porn 8-10 hours a day is it not going to be something you can easily get past, especially by yourself. You likely need to get out of your environment that you have created. Opening up to someone else will allow them to be objective about your situation.

    The most important thing is to not give up. Its a long journey, and all of us get frustrated on this road.
     
    AndySky180 likes this.
  7. greatwolf

    greatwolf Fapstronaut

    16
    20
    3
    @Tanner in the city i live they don't have therapist about situations like mine. The only help i found specify for PMO is online from here, the NoFap community and from another guy named Tony Litster from some videos on youtube. The only thing i do right now is to not give back and do my best for total physical and mentally recovery. Thanks for response.
     
    AndySky180 likes this.
  8. Tanner

    Tanner Fapstronaut

    31
    47
    18
    I have listened to some of Tony's stuff. I dont know your financial situation, but perhaps you could try a 1-on-1/personal session with him?
     
  9. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    A lot of actors or actress had mental illness, and the more you watch and imitate, the higher chance you get a mental illness like depression.
    Walk away from sexual stuff like a pastor, Shall God Award you and improve your destiny! Don't get driven by your thoughts, but control them. You are the owner of your thoughts instead of the slave.
    You are manipulated by your own thoughts, if thoughts never carry on in the life, they would be still thoughts, but once you follow them, they would become reality. Never follow your thoughts.
     
  10. greatwolf

    greatwolf Fapstronaut

    16
    20
    3
    I agree with one part of that. That your thoughts become your reality. I disagree with "never follow your thoughts" because that it can't be happend. All of us were are following are thoughts. The thoughts give born to feelings and actions. The issue is to have good thoughts to give birth to good feelings and good actions and don't have bad thoughts to lead you to bad results.
    But the issue here, specific with PMO, is that we have this thoughts for many years again and again and become strong patterns and is not easy to don't think of them. All the war is here and theoretical you know what to do but in practice sometimes is very hard.
     
  11. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    Sorry about my bad translation: I would correct it into: never follow your emotional thoughts that related to desire, but the ones from your clear minds.
     
    greatwolf likes this.
  12. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    One more thing, porn is not only affecting you, also your partner. And your brain is sicker than normal people. If you compare you and your parent. Whose mind is sicker? I guessed that you knew it. And you would probably relate this to watching porn, because your parents are not watching as much as you. So here you are.
    Try to turn back to normal. Remember all your suffering, and what would be worse in the future if you don't quite:
    · Porn-induced erectile dysfunction
    · Inability to reach orgasm (anorgasmia) and/or decreased sensitivity in the penis
    · Diminished libido with real-world partners but not with porn
    · Real-life sexual indifference and/or aversion
    · Devaluation of real-life partners
    · Uncharacteristic fetishes
    · Depression, anxiety, stress and social malfunctioning
    · Reduced gray matter in the brain
    · Memory, concentration and impulse-control problems
    We must be FKing careful. Pron is a FKing rea, devil that Would beat us like a pig. There is no other way than Fighting back! WE DON'T HAVE CHOICE! WE DON'T HAVE CHOICE! WE DON'T HAVE CHOICE!
     
  13. greatwolf

    greatwolf Fapstronaut

    16
    20
    3
    @Shin Iu my mind knows all that things that you discript. I know theoreticall that PMO have all that bad resuts and even more in our lives. My problem is not that. My problem is were to find the strengh to win that addiction and not for one day or one week but permanently. You tell me fight and i tell you that i fight with all i have and i use all my will power buy after some days i relapsed again.
    The last days i thing that maybe the problem is that in the bottom of my heart i don't hate porn, i enjoy to watch, i hate the bad effects that PMO have to my life and maybe because i don't hate it i relapsed again and again. So i turn to look how i can hate PMO and not only the effects and maybe is that the solution to my problem. Really i don't know, i try to find escape for this fucking bad habbit that destroys my life.
     
  14. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    when is the longest time you have done without porn or masturbating? I would remember that I have tried so hard sometimes in my 18. I did ok, but I didn't realize the problem stop me doing it for years and years is my thoughts. I had bad bad thoughts about testing myself (tolerance, sex ability, or just random reason). I gave myself too much excuses.
    I felt really guilty and bad after i failed. I couldn't image how many times. But you know what: this is the procedure that lead me to quite it for about 1 year and half (400-500 days) in my 20s. I failed again afterward, but I remember all the bad fortune i got, and bad fate i got, and all the pain and scars. it keeps me trying to stop. and I will fight it always. No matter I fail or No matter how long I quite or how bad I felt. I must keep tryings. Yeah, it takes times. You must remember all YOUR scars and Bad Past, if it's possible write them down and read it everyday.
    One more thing, right now my record is about 60 days, I learnt a lesson:
    the easiest time is first 30 days, but after 30 days. the thoughts of testing yourself start to come. I always failed here. This time I just totally "kill" all the thoughts (actually it's "kill"), not kill in real life, but kill in my mind. All the thoughts no matter good or bad, just kill (it's about 10 minutes). Then my mind is in a peace, all the fking desire or tricky sounds are gone ( tricky because these sounds look like from you, but after you kill them, they are laughing like a devil - this is not you. and you MUST keep killing any thoughts until the laughing is gone, so that you can turn into peace mood).
    I had a girlfriend or fiancee, about to marriage, but at the end I dumped her. She watched so much porn and literally became crazy, she doesn't know who she is, she always hates others, and she told people taht she doesn't have friends. But she would never know, the cause masturbating made imbalance chemical in her brain. And she got depression and other mental illness. She even told me to cancel the wedding, but still keep the relationship (what she is talking about lol).
    Anyway, try to make notes and failure is normal, but dont waste the chances.
     
    greatwolf likes this.
  15. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    One more thing if you have time, you can read a book by Wilson called: your brain on Porn.
     
  16. greatwolf

    greatwolf Fapstronaut

    16
    20
    3
    @Shin Iu I am really happy about you....the things is to rough to my life but I'm not give it up I do the best that I can...
     
  17. greatwolf

    greatwolf Fapstronaut

    16
    20
    3
    Ok I try to find it
     
  18. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    You are not the only one here (I am here as well), and you discovered it early. So, this is something showed that the world still needs you and you are really important. You would be a great guy in the future. So trust in yourself, and take failure as lessons. Do not give in!
    However, great people would receive greater challenges.Our path wouldn't be easy, but we have to overcome it, and We shall always take the challenges, because we will be greater after that. And I am grateful that something is challenging me and improving me, and I must take it on.
     
    greatwolf likes this.

Share This Page