I don't know what's real anymore

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Deleted Account, Apr 20, 2021.

  1. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

    It's a big lie to yourself. Anxiety, depression, weakness is not your (or anyone's) normal state, remember yourself being a little child (or just look at some child), was you anxious or depressed, no! you was interested by the outside world and full of joy almost all the time, and that is our 'normal state'. We are depressed, anxious and weak because of our negative thoughts and fears, and PMO is one of the causes (along with other possible things).
    So your true self is confident, joyful, strong guy, maybe socially awkward (because he doesn't care about the norms, he just do what he feels right), but if you want to find yourself (or to get back to your normal state), you need to put some work.
  2. It's really nice what you said there about who we as humans truly are.
    Is there anything else anyone here should do to figure out who they truly are and get bacķ to their normal state other than stopping pmo ?
  3. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

    The same things as I told in my previous post in this thread, I think there is physiological and psychological approaches (and they need to be applied, they will help one another), physiological consists of being right now at the present moment, psychological - finding the root problems, resolving them and accepting yourself as you are.
    stop PMO 100% (or any addictions, food, gaming, alcohol etc.), cold showers, meditation, mindfulness exercises, sports, try to be present right at the moment, stop social media (if you are not using them for some beneficial cause), maladaptive daydreaming, do hobbies you like (especially which take all your attention when doing it).
    professional help, self-help books, analyzing yourself and your behavior, showing yourself some selflove and selfcare, accepting yourself as you are.

    Final goal is to find out who you truly are (ofc it can change in course of time) and live by your standards (do what you want to do with your life, no fears, regrets or caring too much what will others say).
    Last edited: May 2, 2021
  4. A8X

    A8X Fapstronaut

    That is a common self image among addicts, you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO work on it to stand a chance of recovering from an addiction. You are using drugs (PMO) to avoid getting crushed by your self hatred. If you turn this around and get a positive self image, there will be no need to self medicate.
  5. I'm trying my best to forgive myself for past mistakes and be more hopeful and optimistic. I'm trying to be tolerant towards myself anytime I make a mistake but it's hard...I try to talk better to myself but out of sudden I end up blaming myself for mistakes I made or things I said...I'm so scared of doing anything new because I'm worried I'd mess it up and end up beating myself up for it.
    I am trying to think of myself in a better way but my negative thoughts just keep hitting me.
  6. I'm considering sports because I think I need to move more and I need to keep myself busy doing something constructive...As for daydreaming I have that and it's annoying and disappointing being in a beautiful unrealistic fantasy and then you get back to reality...I don't know how to stop that other than just snapping out of it whenever I realize I'm doing it.
    As for the other psychological things you mentioned..they all sound great but how do I actuallly do that ? How do I love myself and forgive myself and all these things...it's easy to say and type in a forum but the actual doing...I've never seen anyone explain how to do things like that and move in from the past but thanks for your input.
    Metis07 likes this.
  7. OttarrTheVendelCrow

    OttarrTheVendelCrow Fapstronaut

    Eating food is a normal biological process and perfectly healthy. For some people, it becomes a self-destructive behavior and they need to work really hard to reestablish a healthy relationship with food. For others, they never conquer this destructive behavior and they die from it. All behaviors exist on a spectrum. Masturbation is no different. Some people have a healthy relationship with it, others don't. By assuming there is no benefit in abstaining from PMO your brain can continue doing what it likes - getting big hits of dopamine from porn use. It's easier to eat a big mac on the couch than go to the gym.
    I'm trying to change likes this.
  8. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

    Indeed it is easy to say, but to do it... it may take a long-long way (but we should enjoy the process).

    I will say from my personal experience, I tried to (and it is a continuous work):
    ... to do more stuff I really like (and one of the most difficult part is to find out what you really like)
    ... to say 'NO' when I want to (book 'No more Mr. Nice guy' have some info about that)
    ... to stand up for myself when I feel doing so
    ... to put my needs as the first priority
    ... to analyze my behavior, fears, complexes (find some time in a day to sit, relax and analyze 15-20 minutes, maybe write your thoughts down), read self-help books
    ... to accept myself as I am now (even if I am anxious and weak now, I accept myself as I am and I will find some qualities for which I like myself), so any improvements in myself will be additional and I will be grateful for them (it takes time)
    ... to accept all my past failures and forgive myself (it takes time)
    ... to 'take good care' of myself - grooming, clothes, nice food, travelling (going on vacation at the seaside)
    ... to step out of my comfort zone from time to time

    Also if it is possible to visit a good specialist (psychologist) from time to time.

    It is a long-term process, enjoy the way, don't be too much focused on the results, it will come little-by-little. And you should become best friend for yourself first of all, because if not you who else?
    Even talking it out with yourself (or with a specialist) can help, what can't you forgive yourself for?
    I'm trying to change likes this.
  9. These are really helpful tips that I can actually do except for talking to a psychologist as I don't really want to.
    I'll give that book you suggested a try as well. Thanks.
    Metis07 likes this.
  10. Starfinder89

    Starfinder89 Fapstronaut

    bought that book, too.
  11. Summer Son

    Summer Son Fapstronaut

  12. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    fuckin parents man, same shit here. If I ever have kids I'm gonna try to be better and not repeat the mistakes that were done to me. GJ on breaking the cycle. Don't you think faming done in moderation is OK?
  13. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

    No, it is not OK, especially for addicts like us :D
    For example I can't do it in moderation, either 'cold turkey', either fall for binging sooner or later, which is awful

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