I don't know where to begin once again.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by I'll never be the same, Apr 15, 2020.

  1. I'll never be the same

    I'll never be the same Fapstronaut

    I'm more than lost these past few days. I went back to my parents for the lockdown, and it's just as if my 5 years ago self came back with me. I feel foggy, unable to clearly think. I'm lost in everything. I question the person I am, the person I thought I was. Find out that my whole life is a lie. That even if I have made improvement, it's still not enough.
    I write, I draw, I exercise, I eat healthy... what more can I do. How can I find that inner rage, that will give me the strength to achieve the goal to quit PMO. Will I ever be at peace with myself? Will I ever feel free?
    I wish I could go back on that very day, 10 years ago, and say to myself : "Don't do it, just don't, it will ruin your life." I wish I had listen to my parents, who told me pornography was harmful. I wish I hadn't find out, by erasing my internet history, that my dad to had the same problem. I wish that instead of being angry at him for being such a liar, and a hypocrite, I went to him to tell him how I felt about this. I wish everything to be different. But now here I am, years later still struggling agains the very thing that ruined my life, and my most beautiful years.
    I'd love to say, that those things are behind me, that even if I regret it they made me grow, they're a part of who I am now. But these are things you can only say, when you're free from them, when you're at piece with yourself.

    So I don't know whether you'll read that post, cause it's too long, or because I'm not the only one feeling like that. But I want to stop. I really want. And I need help. I may begin today, I may begin tomorrow or the day after... I just don't have the motivation anymore. I'm tired.
    Masked Man likes this.
  2. Masked Man

    Masked Man Fapstronaut

    I read it all✌️. Don't be hard on yourself. It's never too late to change. just be calm. Take a good amount of sleep. If u want u can cry out loud. It will ease your emotional pain. And then get back in the war.But this time a serious one.
  3. Erwin

    Erwin Fapstronaut

    We all know how you feel. These day's I've also felt like it was hopeless. Even a one day goal I gave in. But let's restart. I will do my best to support you from now on.

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