I don't know where to begin once again.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by I'll never be the same, Apr 15, 2020.

  1. I'll never be the same

    I'll never be the same Fapstronaut

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    I'm more than lost these past few days. I went back to my parents for the lockdown, and it's just as if my 5 years ago self came back with me. I feel foggy, unable to clearly think. I'm lost in everything. I question the person I am, the person I thought I was. Find out that my whole life is a lie. That even if I have made improvement, it's still not enough.
    I write, I draw, I exercise, I eat healthy... what more can I do. How can I find that inner rage, that will give me the strength to achieve the goal to quit PMO. Will I ever be at peace with myself? Will I ever feel free?
    I wish I could go back on that very day, 10 years ago, and say to myself : "Don't do it, just don't, it will ruin your life." I wish I had listen to my parents, who told me pornography was harmful. I wish I hadn't find out, by erasing my internet history, that my dad to had the same problem. I wish that instead of being angry at him for being such a liar, and a hypocrite, I went to him to tell him how I felt about this. I wish everything to be different. But now here I am, years later still struggling agains the very thing that ruined my life, and my most beautiful years.
    I'd love to say, that those things are behind me, that even if I regret it they made me grow, they're a part of who I am now. But these are things you can only say, when you're free from them, when you're at piece with yourself.

    So I don't know whether you'll read that post, cause it's too long, or because I'm not the only one feeling like that. But I want to stop. I really want. And I need help. I may begin today, I may begin tomorrow or the day after... I just don't have the motivation anymore. I'm tired.
     
    Masked Man likes this.
  2. Masked Man

    Masked Man Fapstronaut

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    I read it all✌️. Don't be hard on yourself. It's never too late to change. just be calm. Take a good amount of sleep. If u want u can cry out loud. It will ease your emotional pain. And then get back in the war.But this time a serious one.
     
  3. Erwin

    Erwin Fapstronaut

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    We all know how you feel. These day's I've also felt like it was hopeless. Even a one day goal I gave in. But let's restart. I will do my best to support you from now on.
     

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