I dont like my wife anymore but I like my mistress

mrjinzo2023

mrjinzo2023

Fapstronaut
Hello,

I want to share with you a little bit of myself. I have been watching porn for a very long time. For as long as I can remember. I am 32 years old and I am married for 10 years. All this time I watched porn and masturbated to porn. For the last year I watched porn about 1 - 2 times a week, but for the last 3 weeks I stopped watching porn. After 2 weeks of not watching porn I started flirting with a girl and we start having sex. The sex is great with her, but the problem is that I don’t feel attracted to my wife anymore and all I want is the other girl. A part of me wants to stop cheating and find a way to feel attracted to my wife again and a part of me wants the other girl. I am very confused and don’t know what to do. Please help me with an advice.
 
Hi MrJinzo,

That is a tough situation you are in. I wish you lots of strength.
Have you read about addiction and how it all works in your brain?
(not just Porn but everything, alcohol, smoking, drugs but als food, computer games, buying stuff and even food)

If not, please do.
In short: Something new gives your brain a dopamine reward, make you feel good. This is fine because it makes you take effort to get a reward
Sex/Orgasm is a hyperstimulant which gives lots of dopamine.
Addiction means you brain is desensitised and sends you signals to get stimulus more and more often and you'll need higher and higher levels of stimulus to get the same good feeling.

Porn but also phones, computer games etc. these days require very little effort to give you huge amounts of rewards.

Your wife= familiar so does not give much stimulus.
After 2 weeks of no porn, your brain is craving stimulation so the other girl (girl or woman, how old is she and how old is your wife, does she know you are married?+ the fact that you are cheating, which is
in itself stimulating = you giving in to your porn addiction.

Now, tell us more about yourself. 32 and married for 10 years means you married very young.
How is your sex life, do you have kids. when did you start using porn.
The longer you used it the harder it is to shake the addiction and it will probably have influenced your whole life. (lack of concentration, anxiety etc.)

You say you want find a way to feel attracted to your wife again.
Stop PMO all together and stop having a relationship sex with the other girl.

I'm not saying there might be other issues with you, between you and your wife.
But speaking out of experience :
49 years old, divorced after 8,5 years of relationship, now in a relationship for 19 years. Doing PMO since I was 15.
Trying to quit since I discovered NoFap 1 March 2019, so over 4 years. I haven't had intercourse for 3,5 years because of my wife's pre-menopause and youth trauma's but mostly because of how I treated her/sex because of PMO.

Only after all this time self scrutiny do I realise how much PMO has affected and is affecting my life.

So you want your Life/Wife back, Stop PMO forever and start sharing here.
Good luck
 
Thanks for the reply. My wife is 30 years old, we don’t have kids, and regarding our sex life, in the beginning we had sex very often, but with the passing of time we ended up having sex less and less. Now we have sex about once a week or every 2 weeks. I think that masturbating to porn movies quite often affected this.

The other woman is 32 years old and knows about my wife. Between us there was a physical attraction at first sight, but that's all it is. I only want sex from her.

I started masturbating as a child, 12-13 years old I think, to Playboy magazines and then to TV movies and music videos. After I discovered the internet, I started using porn movies. All my sexual life I watched porn movies. In the past it didn't affect me because I had short-term relationships and my libido probably increased being younger.

Now I've given up porn and my mood changes from one hour to the next, I'm happy, then depressed, then anxious, then I think about my wife and the fact that I don't feel the same for her anymore, and the next moment I start talking to the other woman and telling her I need her.
 
English is not my first language and if it’s something you don’t understand please keep that in mind and say me to reformulate.
 
You're going from one addition to another. You've given up porn but if you replace it with an affair, it doesn't help. You might benefit from a 12 step program. I don't know if you'll ever feel better about your wife but try to work on it or you might end up hating yourself
 
Sean Edie said:
You're going from one addition to another. You've given up porn but if you replace it with an affair, it doesn't help. You might benefit from a 12 step program. I don't know if you'll ever feel better about your wife but try to work on it or you might end up hating yourself
Click to expand...
What is a 12 step program? Can you share with me one?
 
I don’t think we have this kind of meeting in my country. But I will try the site.

I feel a little bit better after sharing here my problem. Also if anyone has any other suggestions or advis, I am open to hear them. Thank you for your help.

I will try to resist the urge of having sex with the other woman. I hope I will be strong because I don’t want to lose my wife.
 
mrjinzo2023 said:
I don’t think we have this kind of meeting in my country. But I will try the site.

I feel a little bit better after sharing here my problem. Also if anyone has any other suggestions or advis, I am open to hear them. Thank you for your help.

I will try to resist the urge of having sex with the other woman. I hope I will be strong because I don’t want to lose my wife.
Click to expand...
You can do phone in meetings. My husband does those ( many started this because of Covid )
 
I don’t think the SA is for me. They have a religious approach and I don’t think it works for me, but thank you for the suggestion.
 
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