so I was raised by very prudish parents, my mother was pretty much anti sex (if there is such a term?). when I discovered my sexuality I did so through fantasy, I didn't look at porn until my 20s when the internet became a thing for my life. I don't feel like I was corrupted initially by porn, I feel like my fantasies were pornographic to start with and that my fetishes were there from the very start of masturbating. porn just made things easier, and I had to put less effort in and on the whole would encourage an incorrect view of sexuality in women, so in some ways it did go on to corrupt me the more I engaged with it. now some people can quite easily tell me that my sexual fetishes and kinks are healthy and perfectly fine, but I have difficulty believing that it doesn't somehow make me a freak or sexual deviant. the few sexual encounters I have had with women over my life have actually confirmed that more than anything. these were very promiscuous women and even they were not overly interested in it, or in some cases they would straight up refuse to even consider it . I have no problems with other people engaging with these fetishes i'm not judgmental and I don't consider myself a prude (even though i'm starting to think I probably am). but I refuse to believe that most people would view me as normal. I sometimes wish that I didn't have any fetish or preference outside of the norm of missionary sex. it would make my life so much easier ,I wish I could disown this part of myself. part of the reason I partake in nofap is because rightly or wrongly I view my fetishes as being total fantasy and really only something a porn star would prefer to do. I have also started to think of myself as voluntary celibate. It feels like there is absolutely no use for my fantasies and that without a special lady within my life proving me otherwise I refuse to believe it. i've left out specifying what they are as i'm not really comfortable plus i'm unsure if it will break the rules and trigger people. thankyou for reading.