I've lost all sense of self-worth or purpose in life. I started medicating my sexual abuse with porn when I was a pre-teen. It turned to just anal stuff by the time I was 16. Never progressed beyond that. I regularly did this at work and I've done it in public restrooms and while driving. I quit porn six months ago. I was in a four-year relationship and hid it the whole time. I'm having the hardest time ever. I was recently hospitalized for suicidal ideations because of this. I feel like I don't know who I am. My life is a joke. I don't understand. I can't look the person I love in the eyes knowing everything I've willingly gotten off to. I don't even understand it myself. The fantasies they put in porn make me sick. I don't want to know all these names. We broke up and got back together a month later and planned to get married. Then the images and flashbacks came back. I feel like I can't enjoy every day life. I'm in a group day program right now but it's for suicidal people not porn addiction so it doesn't help.