A lot of us SOs consider it to be infidelity and cheating. It is possible though, especially given how our society tries to promote it as healthy, for one spouse to think it is cheating and the other not. I do consider what my husband did cheating. He compartmentalized it and minimized it so that he could tell himself it was not. Now that we’ve done a lot of hard work trying to repair our marriage, we have an agreement that we both agree it’s cheating and agree that we won’t do it. This is often why betrayal trauma can be so hard. Or at least why mine is hard, I considered it cheating and he did not. He now has to live with seeing the pain of destroying me over something he now fully agrees was not being faithful to me. These are conversations that need to happen. The good thing is that it can be a new direction to move in, with both spouses agreeing to the boundary.
I don't want to break my partner's heart
- Thread starter earthshaper
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earthshaper
Fapstronaut
Hello everyone. So I've came to find a lot of replies here during the weekend, I think that you deserve to be updated about my life.
Free of PMO for almost a week now and with no desire of coming back to it, been enjoying some healthy and fun intimacy with my partner lately which has lifted our spirits and I'm definetly looking forward to, really desiring it. It feels great to start to diferentiate what do I want to do when I'm bored, lonely, sad, anxious, or with sexual urges.
Thanks for all the encouragement you left here, it has definetly helped a lot. Thanks to @Warfman @The Shift @MikeSilva and @Sad_wife for your kind words and your support.
I also felt the need to adress some themes that were mainly brought up through @CrushedandLeaving 's posts here.
1. I am not married yet, we are boyfriend and girlfriend but we are commited to each other and planning on spending our lives together.
2. We are both 20 years old.
3. In the beggining of our relationship three years ago we disclosed our PMO habits, we both used it and openly agreed it was OK as long as we kept being intimate. Back then we had a lot more intimacy, the frequency of it declined and we kept on with the PMO habit, her being more transparent than me since I felt guilty for being the one that said no most of the time.
She asked a couple more times for more intimacy but I declined, and the last time it finally clicked and I came here to start my recovery journey.
Anyways, glad to see everyone so engaged here. Be free to post and I will definetly check it out. Thank you for your time, sending a big hug.
Free of PMO for almost a week now and with no desire of coming back to it, been enjoying some healthy and fun intimacy with my partner lately which has lifted our spirits and I'm definetly looking forward to, really desiring it. It feels great to start to diferentiate what do I want to do when I'm bored, lonely, sad, anxious, or with sexual urges.
Thanks for all the encouragement you left here, it has definetly helped a lot. Thanks to @Warfman @The Shift @MikeSilva and @Sad_wife for your kind words and your support.
I also felt the need to adress some themes that were mainly brought up through @CrushedandLeaving 's posts here.
1. I am not married yet, we are boyfriend and girlfriend but we are commited to each other and planning on spending our lives together.
2. We are both 20 years old.
3. In the beggining of our relationship three years ago we disclosed our PMO habits, we both used it and openly agreed it was OK as long as we kept being intimate. Back then we had a lot more intimacy, the frequency of it declined and we kept on with the PMO habit, her being more transparent than me since I felt guilty for being the one that said no most of the time.
She asked a couple more times for more intimacy but I declined, and the last time it finally clicked and I came here to start my recovery journey.
Anyways, glad to see everyone so engaged here. Be free to post and I will definetly check it out. Thank you for your time, sending a big hug.
has she quit too?
im glad you are doing well with your journey. And glad you all are in a better place with intimacy. I love hearing your updates.
Honestly the best thing the two of you can do for yourselves, for each other, for the relationship you want to have is to both quit for good. There are lot of us here, on both sides, who wish we could have had the wisdom from someone a lot earlier about how porn and masturbation do nothing but wreck relationships and intimacy. I am teaching my children that this is a thing that has long reaching damage - to their current selves, their future selves and any relationship they will be in, especially to a marriage.
100% Agree with everything you said. I’m teaching my kids the same.