I don't want to f**** relapse again

Last year I had by best streak so far and being complete honest it was the best time of my life. The only time I felt just a bit normal. During this time, I was able to get my first GF.

Unfortunately, when we were 2 months into our relationship I relapsed, and it was just downhill from there. I'm still ashamed of what I’ve done to her. I went from someone who she could trust to someone who every time we spoked it ended in a argument, I think I started to see her as some kind of "object that belonged to me" than a f*** human.

Well, I’m writing this rant cause today I was seeing some old files on my computer and found some photos of her... I screwed something awesome cause I couldn't get my hands out of my d***. And I'm scared of relapsing again and go through that route.

I don’t want to feel the pain of losing someone I loved because I can’t control myself. I was always a bit lonely, but I never felt that loneliness as hard as when I lost her. I know that most of you never did get the same chance that I did of having a GF, but believe me, the pain of losing one can be worse than the pain of not having.

I guess that the moral of this is, that we may think we are in control but no... This is worse than an alcohol or any other kind of a substance addiction, at least you can't relapse with alcohol if you don't have any booze.

 

Thanks, it’s always nice to hear about someone who went through a similar thing and came up on top.

 

Yeah, hope is the best thing we can have in this life.