I ended 5 months of NoFap

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Anri, Apr 23, 2015.

  1. Anri

    Anri Fapstronaut

    7
    9
    3
    I still fap every now and then. I have finally decided to post my experience with NoFap so that you may gain insight to someone who has this journey.

    This was written a while ago but I have been hesitant to post it on NoFap for fear of community backlash.

    ---------------------------------
    This is a result of after this post: "Do I need to fail? Goodbye 5 months"

    Little bit about me: I saw the Ted talk about NoFap in October 2014. Decided to cold-turkey stop fapping. Monk Mode for the next 5 months.

    I want everyone to know that there is no right or wrong in fapping. It is a journey and an experience. A pilgrimage that many will take.

    Here are a list of highlights that I have experience on my journey that you may relate to:

    **Edging (November 18th 2014)**

    One day I thought edging was okay. It wasn't. I did not relapse but I understand what it can put you through.

    People consider edging a relapse but that is up to you to decide. I consider a relapse when you actually orgasm.

    Here is what I journal that day: http://pastebin.com/LDpUH0dP

    Never again to edge. I almost fell over. And climbed back barely.

    Edging is more painful than relapsing.

    **The opposite of a Flat Line**

    There are days where you will have strong urges. So strong, you will start fantasizing. Salivating. Hyperventilating. Then from there it starts to snowball. You're sexually frustrated. Your body pushes you for release. You are on your knees. And you wonder, why is this so painful? Is this journey worth going through this much pain? How do you stop this? You can't.

    But you can discipline or trick your mind.

    "Okay, just wait one day. If I am still in pain, I will relapse."

    Your body says "No". But you keep pushing: "Just one more day I promise".

    Then the next day comes, and the pain is gone. You didn't relapse. You made it.

    **Triggers**

    Now you have to live with a meme that everyone mocks tumblr people on: Triggers.

    Boob windows. Sexy thighs or legs. Whatever turns you on. It's out there. Now you have to build a tolerance for it. You have to work on your discipline.

    The moment you fantasize, you instantly think of something else. Either a big "X" on the whole thing, and then suddenly a different subject enters your mind.

    Otherwise, it could snowball into you looking at porn. Hopefully someone is there to save you the embarrassment.

    **Tips and Tricks?**
    Everyday, I found a good psychological trick or hack or discipline was to say to myself and say, "I will not masturbate today" and often it worked.

    Compare to "Don't Fap! Don't Fap!", the result is, "Don't Fap" is ordering you to do something and I find as a negative connotation. While, "I will" is willing, and feels more positive.

    **Beyond 90 days, the real test begins.**

    Even though your journey has ended with the 90 days. It has only just begun. A psychological war begins from here on out. After 90 days, you no longer have a goal. And you wonder, "why not relapse?".

    This temptation will haunt you forever.

    And I tried looking for advice here, but here... it's the new world. Not many can go further than 90 days. We have become avant-garde.

    And you are free to choose to do anything you want.

    You already have become a better person. DO NOT FORGET THAT.

    **If you relapse 90+ Days**

    Don't beat yourself up. If you still letting yourself burn, then you still have room to improve. I had none.

    There is a chance for you to regress, and hopefully your discipline is strong enough to let you understand that nofap was a journey and a experience.

    Treat fapping like if it was alcohol. Once a week is good. Once a month may be better. But everyday? Just think about it. Drinking everyday will affect your health.

    Don't let fapping control you AND...

    **Don't let nofap control you...**

    After I reach 150 days+, nofap held a grip on me.

    I was scared of fapping.

    I actually had to fight myself in my mind to let my hand near my dick.

    This could be a good thing, but it could also be bad and detrimental.

    Everytime I had an urge, I was looking for advice on nofap.

    I was looking for ways to stop the urges.

    I realized I was spending as much time on stopping my urges as I would look for porn.

    I think it was best described in South Park:

    "Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and, 'n you've never learned any discipline at all." -Stan

    Learn some DISCIPLINE and don't regress!

    **For those who relapsed before the 90 days**

    Again, don't beat yourself up so much. It is a journey. A beautiful journey that you can look back to. Faltering is part of it. You will progress.

    You are building discipline.

    It is important that you [slowly start "thinking"](http://www.reddit.com/r/getdiscipli...vice_watch_your_thoughts_and_you_will_get_to/).

    Start being more conscious of your decision and more aware what is happening around you and to you.

    This helps builds discipline and helps you catch yourself doing thing spontaneously.

    **Also NoFap, you guys are often assholes.**

    The community is black and white with fapping and we are nearly becoming a religion that is already preaching at others.

    I see we are starting to give the "look of disdain" to those who fap. We need to understand that they are still people and we should treat them like we would treat ourself.

    ---------------------

    This is probably going to come up and someone is going to ask:

    **How do I feel after I fap?**

    I don't feel sluggish. I don't feel slow, or fogged, or clouded. I feel relieved. Happy. I appreciate more than now and ever, and to me, even though the porn industry has it's share of negative ethics, there is still some porn to me out there, that has a positive vibe in them. And I look for those mainly. I find it like being an Indian who kills a animal and thanks them for the food for relieving the hungering pain that we all must go through.

    I am thankful that you read this and I hope it gave you the insight you need. I finally contributed.

    ---------------------

    **Lastly...**

    Not everyone is the same. This was my journey and the climb was tough. That said, it is most likely you will experience a different journey. Maybe similar, but, the goal is: knowing more about yourself.

    The more you know about yourself through this journey, the more character you build.

    If you know very well, like this gentleperson I was talking to, then abstaining from fap for life may be for you.

    Fapping affects everyone differently and the answer I found is not normal on these forums.

    I was on a plateau and now I am off it. Bye Nofap!

    I wonder if I should crosspost this to Reddit.... but they are quite volatile.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2015
  2. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

    1,382
    1,160
    143
    Thank you for your honesty. Rules are too strict. There is no right or wrong we just choose not to pmo.
     
    CommittedNoFap likes this.
  3. Edge_of_the_Abyss

    Edge_of_the_Abyss Fapstronaut

    9
    0
    1
  4. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    586
    425
    63
    Yeah fapping after rebbot is completely fine. without the porn ofc !
     
  5. PeetaMellark

    PeetaMellark Fapstronaut

    81
    39
    18
    I think you speak wisely...

    Leaving behind the porn is what is most important...

    If people want to nofap forever then great... Strength to them.

    I'm not going to immediately fap after I reach 90 days, but I know I will again... Not with porn though...
     
    Buzzltyr likes this.
  6. justcauseiamnot

    justcauseiamnot Fapstronaut

    44
    20
    8
    Very wisely spoken, agreed.

    Wise words from Stan as well. "Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and, 'n you've never learned any discipline at all." -Stan

    I went through Alcoholics Anonymous before (hey, addiction is addiction), and I remember telling one of my co-workers that I couldn't have a beer with them. I said

    "I don't drink anymore..."

    "Why not?"

    "Well, because I used to drink way too much... So now I just don't drink at all"

    My coworker was puzzled, he gave me that "huh" look and then said

    "Why don't you just not drink too much"

    And I said "Well, no I can't do that you see I have addiction problems and I can't help myself. I will just end up drinking too much again"

    He kind of shrugged and offhandedly said something very wise.

    "Well, doing too much of anything is bad for you... Coffee, working, smoking, drinking... You just need to have balance."

    I realized it made sense but I kept on not drinking. I am glad that I did abstain from drinking though...

    Why? Cause it taught me how to abstain from drinking, something that I have to do all the time now that I am successfully over A.A. I drink every once in a while, but then I abstain from it and I wouldn't have been able to do that if I didn't know how to abstain from drinking for over a year. Now that I know how to not drink, I know how to drink on occasion.


    This doesn't translate directly to NoFap, but it is similar. Its not so cut and dry, black and white as people make it. There are no hard, set rules here; just a community of people who can relate to one another. I hope people can get that one day.

    Now I am still going forward with my Goal of 60 days, then 90. But ultimately I feel like the goal isn't an accumulation of numbers but its being a responsible person sexually, being sexually healthy and having discipline in ones sexual inventory. Whatever is best for your own health and well being.

    But watch out for rationalization! Discipline must be the counter weight to that.

    Your mind can also be very, very sneaky... Part of this is also about taking control of it, no?
     
  7. tomtom

    tomtom Fapstronaut

    139
    34
    28
    After 8 months I still don't trust that I could stop after one session of PMO, I really fear I would go back to my old habits of spending way too many hours with various forms of P and edging, leading back to DE and ED and pretty bad sex life.

    For me this is about leaving one bad habit behind me and having a healthier sex life and better relationship with my wife.

    Maybe at some point I will feel stronger but I'm not there yet.
     
  8. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

    @tomtom That's where I am. Of course, moral convictions are pretty deeply ingrained as well. I find it sad that no higher place was found by Anri, and there's very legitimate and applicable points in the OP, but I do think nofap isn't truly just about a reset. Yes, that's gobs better than living a life without taking control and at least rebooting! But, I like Alexander's (founder's) tagline: "PMO is completely in my past. At this stage, I no longer find it useful to count the days." If I messed around with P it would start a PMO addict fire, and start to consume and degrade my life, which I know for myself would lead to destruction if unchecked / uncorrected.

    @Anri
    To be constructive, there are some great points to acknowledge. One of them is about leaning too hard on nofap. Point taken. Same with what happens too often for my lifestyle with an AP. They lean on me too hard for it to be comfortable and it's suffocating. Or, I end up leaning on someone else too hard who is already too weak, or is too strong or proud and not empathetic. People let us down, and that's just part of life. We do try on the whole to build up, though. Maybe a problem for you from 90 to 150+ was not finding something truly fulfilling to fill the void of soul which is P/PMO/MO for others? For marrieds, devotion to wife can easily create an extremely fulfilling existence, and generally a healthy pattern of forgiveness and intimacy follows. There may not be set rules we can all agree to, but there is a constant: pornography is destructive. Blame it on addiction or the human condition. It's not easy to recognize what clear and unfogged means. It's great when you give it a try, and if you're being honest about everything, then that's priceless for yourself. All who even attempt reducing the rate of their addictive behaviors will benefit, and I think that's what OP is saying and even those of us setting sights on long-term nofap commitments would agree with that. You set your rules, you made your observations, and you're choosing to live by the dictates of your conscience - kudos. Hopefully you can count this new place you're in as a nofap success and on the whole it's been a good and uplifting experience. Hearing about some that made you feel a look of disdain is no doubt fair criticism. But, instead of speaking in general, why not cite specifics, and not here but when/where it occurred, so that those feelings can be resolved?

    Totally anecdotal, but when divorced, I had used rationalizations similar to "don't let it control me" and "just to keep me on the level" and "it's better than fornication", but none of those things made me actually happy or joyful. That's me, and joy has come to me living a more pure life, (attempting it to be permanently), about family and people and reality. What's nice about a belief in God is that there are absolutes. I am utterly condemned for my sin, but a way has been provided to be forgiven, and that's my only reason for hope at all. And then, with that new life, I want to please God.

    Also, anecdotal, of course. But, I can't exactly say that the addiction is haunting me forever. Yes, I have identified a black mark on my soul which is addiction. Yes, I've identified a sexual need within myself that requires a constructive outlet planned or it finds a destructive outlet. But, I've also found that bright spot where I know I'm better off completely freed from MO. And, I don't like the way even P subs start consuming my time, or become a crutch, and don't want my wife to feel betrayed by such a thing. I believe our whole lives are for us as a test, so it's not like I'm expecting it to suddenly be challenge-free or devoid of any temptations at all. For me, my wife would way rather me have a crutch of nofap forums than P subs! May I suggest that instead of interpreting comments as disdain or distasteful or disrespectful, for the quite a few that never make it to 150+ days, it's just hard for them to just accept someone saying what sounds like they're abandoning ship? What many desperately want is just to make it to 7 days, which most have not done before, and hopefully 30 days to really make it a full experiment. I think the lack of permanent-sounding language in the terms reboot and reset and so forth shouldn't make anyone think there is a lot of judgmentalism going on about what someone is choosing to do. In your case, why even bring it up? Why not just keep committing to 30-day reboots after a planned relapse?

    Of course, I'm married, so maybe it sounds easier for me to say. And, being Christian, my belief is it doesn't make God happy to engage in immorality. Or, it's easy for someone to look at me and minimize my problems in life since I've become a fapstronaut out in space with a lot of distance and healing since a PMO incident. But: if someone judges me for that perspective, when I am clearly admitting to being addicted and no better than anyone else here, then who's being exclusive, then? Just saying what works for me. I believe those that dally with relapsing will eventually find their way into a better life on a more permanent nofap course. Hopefully that doesn't come at the realization of being in a downward spiral, but from a recollection of positive experience from that non-fap reboot 90+ state. I'd like to think from what I've seen of nofap (forums and reddit), people are less judgemental than feared. Maybe not take it to heart so much if other people relay their perspectives? Certainly, every time I see someone cop to relapsing, lots of people are encouraging about jumping back on the program and trying again.
     

Share This Page