I still fap every now and then. I have finally decided to post my experience with NoFap so that you may gain insight to someone who has this journey. This was written a while ago but I have been hesitant to post it on NoFap for fear of community backlash. --------------------------------- This is a result of after this post: "Do I need to fail? Goodbye 5 months" Little bit about me: I saw the Ted talk about NoFap in October 2014. Decided to cold-turkey stop fapping. Monk Mode for the next 5 months. I want everyone to know that there is no right or wrong in fapping. It is a journey and an experience. A pilgrimage that many will take. Here are a list of highlights that I have experience on my journey that you may relate to: **Edging (November 18th 2014)** One day I thought edging was okay. It wasn't. I did not relapse but I understand what it can put you through. People consider edging a relapse but that is up to you to decide. I consider a relapse when you actually orgasm. Here is what I journal that day: http://pastebin.com/LDpUH0dP Never again to edge. I almost fell over. And climbed back barely. Edging is more painful than relapsing. **The opposite of a Flat Line** There are days where you will have strong urges. So strong, you will start fantasizing. Salivating. Hyperventilating. Then from there it starts to snowball. You're sexually frustrated. Your body pushes you for release. You are on your knees. And you wonder, why is this so painful? Is this journey worth going through this much pain? How do you stop this? You can't. But you can discipline or trick your mind. "Okay, just wait one day. If I am still in pain, I will relapse." Your body says "No". But you keep pushing: "Just one more day I promise". Then the next day comes, and the pain is gone. You didn't relapse. You made it. **Triggers** Now you have to live with a meme that everyone mocks tumblr people on: Triggers. Boob windows. Sexy thighs or legs. Whatever turns you on. It's out there. Now you have to build a tolerance for it. You have to work on your discipline. The moment you fantasize, you instantly think of something else. Either a big "X" on the whole thing, and then suddenly a different subject enters your mind. Otherwise, it could snowball into you looking at porn. Hopefully someone is there to save you the embarrassment. **Tips and Tricks?** Everyday, I found a good psychological trick or hack or discipline was to say to myself and say, "I will not masturbate today" and often it worked. Compare to "Don't Fap! Don't Fap!", the result is, "Don't Fap" is ordering you to do something and I find as a negative connotation. While, "I will" is willing, and feels more positive. **Beyond 90 days, the real test begins.** Even though your journey has ended with the 90 days. It has only just begun. A psychological war begins from here on out. After 90 days, you no longer have a goal. And you wonder, "why not relapse?". This temptation will haunt you forever. And I tried looking for advice here, but here... it's the new world. Not many can go further than 90 days. We have become avant-garde. And you are free to choose to do anything you want. You already have become a better person. DO NOT FORGET THAT. **If you relapse 90+ Days** Don't beat yourself up. If you still letting yourself burn, then you still have room to improve. I had none. There is a chance for you to regress, and hopefully your discipline is strong enough to let you understand that nofap was a journey and a experience. Treat fapping like if it was alcohol. Once a week is good. Once a month may be better. But everyday? Just think about it. Drinking everyday will affect your health. Don't let fapping control you AND... **Don't let nofap control you...** After I reach 150 days+, nofap held a grip on me. I was scared of fapping. I actually had to fight myself in my mind to let my hand near my dick. This could be a good thing, but it could also be bad and detrimental. Everytime I had an urge, I was looking for advice on nofap. I was looking for ways to stop the urges. I realized I was spending as much time on stopping my urges as I would look for porn. I think it was best described in South Park: "Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and, 'n you've never learned any discipline at all." -Stan Learn some DISCIPLINE and don't regress! **For those who relapsed before the 90 days** Again, don't beat yourself up so much. It is a journey. A beautiful journey that you can look back to. Faltering is part of it. You will progress. You are building discipline. It is important that you [slowly start "thinking"](http://www.reddit.com/r/getdiscipli...vice_watch_your_thoughts_and_you_will_get_to/). Start being more conscious of your decision and more aware what is happening around you and to you. This helps builds discipline and helps you catch yourself doing thing spontaneously. **Also NoFap, you guys are often assholes.** The community is black and white with fapping and we are nearly becoming a religion that is already preaching at others. I see we are starting to give the "look of disdain" to those who fap. We need to understand that they are still people and we should treat them like we would treat ourself. --------------------- This is probably going to come up and someone is going to ask: **How do I feel after I fap?** I don't feel sluggish. I don't feel slow, or fogged, or clouded. I feel relieved. Happy. I appreciate more than now and ever, and to me, even though the porn industry has it's share of negative ethics, there is still some porn to me out there, that has a positive vibe in them. And I look for those mainly. I find it like being an Indian who kills a animal and thanks them for the food for relieving the hungering pain that we all must go through. I am thankful that you read this and I hope it gave you the insight you need. I finally contributed. --------------------- **Lastly...** Not everyone is the same. This was my journey and the climb was tough. That said, it is most likely you will experience a different journey. Maybe similar, but, the goal is: knowing more about yourself. The more you know about yourself through this journey, the more character you build. If you know very well, like this gentleperson I was talking to, then abstaining from fap for life may be for you. Fapping affects everyone differently and the answer I found is not normal on these forums. I was on a plateau and now I am off it. Bye Nofap! I wonder if I should crosspost this to Reddit.... but they are quite volatile.