I feel hopeless (Not hopeless anymore, i success)

Stay motivated. I am slowly reaching my goals, one day at a time. I fail sometimes and that's ok. If it is bothering you this much talk to a therapist about it. It would be more helpful than asking a bunch of strangers on the internet. While we have a great community here, you may need to take a more structured approach to meeting your goals.

 

Listen, you just need to condition yourself to the right shit. If you’re gonna watch porn then watch vanilla porn. But waiting 2 years to nut to the fetishes you’re trying to escape from is a recipe for disaster. Call off the fetish porn and shake hands with it. Vanilla porn from here on out until you can finish with it and actually want more of it. Then continue your nofap progress.

 

First off, thanks for opening up and telling us about your problematic sexual behavior. The very first step is acknowledgment, and it sounds to me that you are aware of the problem. Good job.

Unfortunately, I have not had such behavior and have not been 2+ years sober from P or MO. Good on you for that, very big accomplishment.

What I can tell you is this, I have been going to therapy for about a month and a half now. What I have learned so far which is most important to my growth is the following. We are exactly what we tell ourselves we are. Let me give you an example. I have gone my whole life with a Father who demeans me. Calls me names like stupid, donkey, pussy, yada yada. I love my father, and he loves me, but in times of stress and mistakes, my Father acts the way he was treated when he was younger. Which is exactly the things he says to me. So, consequently I began to believe the things he would say about me, even though they were not true. This is what got me in the most trouble with myself and what killed my confidence for so many years. I have not fully fixed my confidence yet, but it is a work in progress. I am grateful that I am learning to change my internal dialogue everyday.

So this leads me to my point and possible solution which has helped me. Change your internal dialogue. It is not easy, and from the sounds of your story it will be super tough. But I also feel like you are constantly telling yourself that you cannot get an erection from "regular sex". Correct me if I am wrong. The fact is, you are human. Humans have sex. Everyone has fetishes, destructive or not. Maybe try changing the way you think about it? First and foremost, if you do not want to be into the fetishes that you are into, I would recommend not to act on them. If you stopped watching P which is related to trampling etc., good. I would recommend that you do not try to get women to do this to you either. I feel like maybe if you stopped telling yourself that this is the only way you can get an erection, and change it to "I am a human being, and I am capable of feeling loved and giving love", or whatever feels right to you, than you can beat this. I started writing things down like "I feel this way because of my past experiences, but I am safe right now" on note cards, and anytime I would feel inadequate or feeling low confidence in myself, instead of calling myself stupid or weak or ugly, I would read the flashcards with my positive affirmations to change my internal dialogue.

I really hope I said something which sparks your interest, and if I am disrespectful in my approach, I apologize. You can do this, be confident in yourself and ask yourself where you can draw your confidence from. Is it from your accomplishments? Is it from your ability to keep up with NoFap? Whatever it may be, constantly remind yourself that you are worthy of love, and can give love in return.

One of my favorite quotes from Connor Mcgregor is this, "The only thing that can break you down is internal. Nothing external is strong enough. " I know the guy can be a A hole sometimes, but this wisdom is very important. Conquer your confidence and internal dialogue, and watch how much things change.

Godspeed my friend, I believe in you. If you ever need someone to talk to, about anything, I will always listen.

Adios for now my friend.

 

Did this developed during the last years because of porn addiction or do you had this fetish before you started to watching porn?
Especially in second case I highly recommend to look for a therapist

 

Couldn't agree with this more. Therapy may sound scary and unhelpful, but you would be surprised how much it can help.

 

Yes, sometimes we can’t solve problems ourselves and this is totally fine. For this cases there are therapists.

With a good therapist you can maybe change your arousal template.
Also you can maybe find out the reason for your fetishes.
Especially the causes of humiliation fetish are low self-esteem, bad experience during your childhood etc.

 

i also had an extreme fetish years before ever watched a porn, and only watched this all the time. so i don't waste a second in thinking it would go away, because it was there from the beginning. but, should it go away, i don't have a problem with it, would be only interesting why i have this. can it even go away with therapie/pmo? as i had never sex before i can't say if it would be a problem when i get this far with a girl.

 

Beautiful.

 

no, her vagina isn't interesting for me. touching her, kissing, cuddling, yes, but regular sex, no.

 

I can feel you after my break up 5 years ago I feel nothing down there.. yesterday I tried having sex with an escort but it was unsuccessful maybe due to different reason I wasn't connected to her. I don't know what sort of friends you have got but talking to your mom might really help. I did it once and she really understood my situation and she sent me to an doctor and paid for every test I underwent. Report were normal so I consulted another doctor again everything was right that's how I came to know about PIED.
I failed yesterday but I really take care of my diet. Have raw ginger and garlic(3clovea) every morning and night. Soak Fenugreek at night and eat is in the morning. Spinach juice and pomegranate juice in the morning. Do squats and kegel exercise. I am in an obese category so if you are just loose weights. Meditate for 10 mins and read books for 30 min.
I'll be honest I get horny these days. I get semi erected bit better than nothing.
Talk to your mom she'll understand and you can trust her blindly because she is a mother.
It's my 62nd day I am going to try again after 60 days so don't loose hope.
Try buying bathmate
hope it helps you.

 

You have a paraphilia since childhood, it is not a porn induced fetish, it is developmental condition. unfortunately, therapy for such condition is underdeveloped, but it is possible to find expert who will try experimental treatment. I myself wanted to try d2 agonists with orgasmic reconditioning. You said that you can't mastrubate to normal porn. It is possible to make your brain more arousable by d2 agonists and after that it will be possible to masturbate with normal porn for you, and after that it will be possible to create new sexual interest through sexual conditioning. Also I think it is possible in theory to use deep brain stimulation of "sexual centers" of the brain (hypothalamus), and such stimulation can produce erection to normal stuff. German scientists offered to treat pedophilia by deep brain stimulation, but unfortunately there are no clinical trials of such treatment. Also such condition can be related to the failure of masculinization of the brain in utero. You want to be submissive, and it can be related to feminization of sexuality. Good sexologist should evaluate your gender and sexuality. I don't claim that you are trans, but there is some possiblity of it, at least, you can be on the trans spectrum. Anyway, consultation with good sexologist who is specialized in paraphilias is warranted. It is difficult stuff. It is like treatment of homosexuality and transsexuality or pedophilia. Medical community doesn't treat homosexuality anymore, it treats transsexuality through hormones and srs, and it treats pedophilia with hormones (chemical castration). It is complicated.

Also it is possible for you to adapt asexual identity. Adaptation of appropriate identity can be also a valid goal of therapy.