I feel hopeless (Not hopeless anymore, i success)

I wouldn't say a flatline as I had a high feeling of libido but it wasn't directed towards anything, I think right now I achieve o from the sensations and anticipation of them rather than anything else. I'm still not fully where I want to be as I feel like the longer it takes me to o the more often I loose it and my drive goes.

 

Brother i tried to recondition myself by o to vanilla p but the problem is after o i don't get that much satisfaction as when i o to femdom p. It's somewhat like a tension building up inside me which pushing me to o to femdom or foot fetish p.

 

Hello,

I have just seen a good part of your story and I thank you for your testimony, it is very courageous of you and I am convinced that it will help many people. I am in the same case as you. I have a fetish that started in childhood like you at the age of 6. Then I discovered porn around 11 years old on this somewhat extreme fetish and until today I watch it.
I had several girlfriends and I always kept the fetishism secret. As you can imagine, I had election problems at the beginning, "normal" sex didn't excite me at all at the very beginning of my first relationship at the age of 18.
At first it was a complex, my ego took a hit and I couldn't sleep with my first girlfriend. But we took our time, we tried several times and if I couldn't get it up and sleep with her, I tried to please her by simply doing foreplay.
Then naturally, I was able to have an erection and sleep with it. It was a breakthrough and I didn't have any more election problems after that with her.
With all the following girlfriends it was always the same pattern. A little bit of trouble to get a hard-on at the beginning, then naturally, it comes and no more erection problems afterwards. In the end, I took a lot of pleasure on the different sexual relations I could have. As much pleasure as my fantasy which is completely different from normal sex. All this to say that if I didn't manage to get rid of my fetish that I have had since childhood, I was able to learn to have normal sex at the age of 18 (I'm 26 now) and take a lot of pleasure and believe me, at the beginning it didn't attract me at all.
If your masturbatory reconditioning is a good approach, maybe you should find a girlfriend and learn directly with her. Believe me, you will be able to have healthy sex with it.

Cheer up.

 

No I never told them about the fetishism
It depends, with one I didn't even have to talk about it, we just continued foreplay without sleeping together.
Otherwise, if I feel that it can create an awkward moment, I reassure the girl that it's not because of her that I don't get hard. Some may think it's because they are not attractive enough. I just say that I need some time and they understand. I've never been rejected because of that. You shouldn't put pressure on yourself, you should play it down. You're far from being the first person to have erectile dysfunction. It's even likely that the girl you'll be with has already faced this kind of situation.

In another story, my best friend couldn't have sex with his girlfriend for 3 weeks at the beginning of the relationship because he didn't have enough of a hard-on. After that, he had no more problems and they have been together for 3 years.

 

Feeling a bit hopeless if I’m being honest, pmo I cant seem to get out of, hocd thoughts acting up again and feeling realer than before. Can’t even get up to P anymore without worrying or questioning what I’m attracted to in said video, and worrying that I’m attracted to the dude rather than the female. Everyday it feels like internalized homophobia but I wouldn’t care if I were gay just don’t feel right to me dosent feel like me. Been liking women since I could remember, had crushes on teachers and everything but these thoughts have me thinking all of this was because of porn, and I never really liked said women. I don’t get repulsed by said thoughts anymore and that scares me to the max, it just gets worse everytime I pmo, I find my brain searching for dopamine in anything I do. These thoughts ave come and gone since they’ve started 4 years ago but it’s bad now, can’t even sleep without worrying I’ll have a gay dream.

 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I still have these thoughts but they feel true and like I like them, but when I see a dude in person there is no sexual attraction there, I’m not nervous around them anymore and I can now get up to p which caused 2 relapses now I feel like my sexual energy is gone, I have a girl now and I was on a 9 day streak before I relapsed and I was so attracted to her it was crazy I still am but it feels muted and I can’t get up to her anymore, I’ve tried accepting the thoughts but it just makes me feel gay and I’m worried that it’s coming true. I’m scared that I’ve turned gay, that the hocd was just my “awakening” but I have no attraction to males so I’m confused.

 

The process is far from easy and can be quite slow, but I hope that you all liberate yourselves from this torment and enslavement

 

Doing good good thanks, been rewiring with my girlfriend and it's actually working pretty well I'd say in another month or two I'll be at a good level in terms of arousal ect. September last year I had zero sexual response and now I'm able to have sex and finish most of the time so very happy. I basically don't mo at all now and fetishes don't bother me as I have a healthy outlet. Hope all is well with you, keep going build yourself up, increase your self esteem and find a woman!

 

Hey man, yeah I'm on a good streak. Intersted for vanilla increase as expected