I feel hopeless (Not hopeless anymore, i success)

How you do mate? Everything okay?

 

I was constantly relapsing to femdom last two weeks or even more...
But since beggining of this week i was back to vanilla porn, nothing new mate.

How you doing?

 

Glad to hear you are getting better.

I first really need to say goodbye to femdom for all time, i going with vanilla streak for week or month or month+ or just few days and i can't resist to watch femdom or to think about it.

I need to get over that.

 

I m about over a week free from femdom, doing vanilla this days.
I will not take wrong turn again. Every time i said to myself let's watch femdom and i just thought again and realize that every time i watch that crap i even more far away from my goal.
But afterwards i PMO to vanilla i just say to myself again that it was great idea not to go with femdom, it makes me to be proud.

 

I haven't updated for a month.

From august 25th to around 15 or 16th september i was femdom free and i was doing it to vanilla only. But that last week i relapsed several times to femdom. Last several days i m back on right path and doing it with vanilla.

I don't have great erections and its hard to get alone without touching but no sweat. That is probably because i messed up things really hard in last half year. I would do vanilla them femdom and vice versa... After first four month i had better results because i stay true to my goal and in first 120+ days i didn't watch femdom and i didn't think about it at all.
Back then i could get erection without touching, i believe because i left my brain to have no other option than that.

Today i have been thinking about this, i will success, i will reach my goal.

Femdom is killing me, i have never talked to anyone in real life about this, i always keep it as a secret because i never really wanted to do that sh*t in real life. But it is overpowering me, because of that i have done some real bad things just because lack of my self control. Even if i could agree and accept it i will never accept the fact this is healthy and normal.

If something eats me from inside, makes me depressed, feeling down and lost, i just don't want to live like that, this is my life i choose what i want to be.

I m doing this a bit longer than a year, not some real big changes (because of many of my relapses) but i have experienced that i get used to this and it is possible to change for better.
I will never stop.
And i want to thank all of you, without nofap site and all of you people i would think i m only one who wants to be put out his own misery, i would most probably commit suicide if i never meet you.

I was in bad mental health since i was 16 yo all up to 21 yo, since i started this what i m doing i feel way better. Depression is almost gone, i don't want to die, i m little a bit anxious but i want to live and change things.

 

I m gonna do a week of nofap hardmode to clean the trash i made, after i go to once daily with vanilla and later without porn.

 

I expect flatline to happen, but after it ends it feels like you get a boost: )

Three more days and week of hardmode is over.

 

I read whole thread again from start up to last post, i m really determined this time. It just fly in my head what i been doing in last year, every struggle, every time i relapsed to femdom, every time when i could not clear mind, every time when i listen to myself and avoid that toxic sh*t, every time when i was proud of myself.

Tommorow i will start with vanilla and later without porn.

 

Done PMO to vanilla three days ago as i said before, and i done it today once more. Time to back in shape.

 

Thanks man, wish best to you too.

Going with vanilla two weeks straight, not PMO everyday but once in few days vanilla only.

 

I have changed some things.

I gave refusal at my job, because i found new one. I feel sad because of that, i mean new workplace is not bad nor people there are bad all is fine. I m sad because i have love that people from previous job and they loved me too. I go from time to time to see them. I cried yesterday how sad i was, if i just had an idea about everything i would not change my job. But they told me that i was one of best guys that they ever had and can go back to work there again if i like to. But i want to stay at this new job because it is about cars, trucks and mechanics i can learn much from it. But how days goes by i m less and less sad, i just need those people back.

About nofap i m still fighting, i haven't watch femdom almost whole week, doing vanila PMO once a day.