I feel hopeless (Not hopeless anymore, i success)

I'm doing decent, been mo-ing to vanilla fantasies and been able to get aroused to physical contact way more which is good progress, will try for another two week NoFap streak to try to build more arousal for vanilla with the pent up energy, probably managing an 80% erection to vanilla right now.

 

Have you looked into the root cause of your fetish? Might help beyond the standard reconditioning approach. I find that the more progress I make the easier it is to relapse, annoying as when my backs against the wall I start to make really good progress.

 

That is the only way to resolve and get "rid" of a fetish. Sometimes past events create a false reality in which we think that we need this in order to achieve sexuale excitement. If you try to closely listen to your heartbeat, and pay attention to your emotions and feelings when you relapse to a fetish that you wish to get rid of (and this is just an observation I have made, doesn't mean that it applies to anybody else), you will notice your heart will start beating faster almost as if you are scared of something and anxious, you will feel shame while being aroused and an indescribable feeling of fear will flood your whole system. Basically I was in fight/flight mode while being incredibely aroused by my fetish. But when I watch some random onlyfans model that has nothing to do with my fetish I just pop a boner and don't know why and I kinda like it. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes we have to listen to our body and mind when stuff happens to come to conclusions on why we feel a certain way or why we have this or that fetish. I am mentally in that phase where I just don't care if I have a bizarre fetish or not, but I do know that if I relapse one more time to this that my life will be like hell for the next couple weeks. When you have a fetish, listen to your body and mind, be the observer of your emotions and feelings, if something doesn't feel right but it causes arousal then best believe that you don't necessarily like that fetish but some event or something from your past has caused it. This is so difficult to explain but I hope it makes sense.

For me it took a whole year of reading books on neuroscience, brain functions, trauma and the way our bodies respond to trauma etc. to really understand why I have my fetish and how it makes me feel. A lot of unresolved stuff came to surface such as the need of someones approval, masochistic behaviours, wanting to be hurt in order to prove my strength and so on. Once I realized that none of those things are actually what I ever want in my life to happen to me, I started doing things that are quite the opposite. I am building my own business, hitting the gym getting stronger, etc. And with time I feel my interest to engage in my fetish become less. It is still there, and whenever I see an image I instantly get an erection but that erection never feels right, its just an erecrtion that I get from years of conditioning myself to that stimuli so my body responds accordingly. To anyone that has a fetish that he wishes to get rid of, pleae dont listen to anyone telling you its impossible. You cannot be doomed with something you wish not to have. If you have something like a fetish and want to get rid of it, realize that its basically a coping mechanism and stop tripping and stop feeding it. From that point on its a journey, and nobody in this forum can give you a straight answer as people have different lives and journeys in this world. For me it took me to go and read and learn about trauma and psychology, for you it might be something different. You are the creator of your world, and stuff happens to everybody stop thinking that its just you. Some people might be into feet and some might be into something bizarre like me, but at the end of the day, you can live the life of your dreams and the life that you actually want where you dont need a fetish to achieve sexual gratification. After a long time of trauma resolution and a decade of fetish consumption where nothing else would turn me on and get me hard, now I can sit back and could watch some insta OF models and get hard. Like that itself is a huge milestone for me which proves that I do not need a fetish to have sex. For me thats important.

But orgasmic reconditioning or whatever thats really not the right way man. Listen to your mind and body and start your journey from there. You got this. I dont know if my post makes any sense but I just felt like typing this out. Hope this helps.

 

This is a great story man. Could you share some of the books which helped you the most?

 

Hey man.
The book I have read are "Breaking the habit of being yourself", "The body keeps the score", and a lot of online research material on trauma and fetishes.

Although my struggles are a bit different since it's not directly just a simple fetish, those books and research papers have helped me a lot to understand the basic issues with my paraphilia. I am not cured at all and I don't think I will ever be. In fact today I'm feeling extremely depressed and sad, some days just be like that I don't know why.

I have not been able to find an answer to my struggles, and no therapist has been able to tell or to help so I will just put this out here without going too much into specifics because otherwise this would be a very long read. I don't know if my fetish is a fat fetish or an ACT that is done by overweight people. More and more I realized that I was getting turned on by gay fetish content and gay behaviours in real life, such as fantasizing about overweight men doing this act to me or binging fetish videos without end on a daily basis for years. I don't know if this is escalation or that my brain is conditioned to respond to sexually whenever a similar/same stimuli is presented in real life or during my porn sessions. But what I did notice is that I was getting extremely sensitive the more I abstained and that basically anything thats COULD lead to this act being done, or has any similarities (I hope that makes sense), would cause an erection. My case is so confusing that I dont even know. All I know is that I have been able to get erections to normal stuff and that gave me a lot of hope. Theres 2 possibilities: Either Im just messed up and will have to spend all my life living like this, or that I can marry and have kids and a beautiful relationship. Life is very hard especially for us thats dealing with those things. I wish I was never exposed to this in kindergarden and to porn in elemtary school. Sorry for the rant but today Im not feeling good at all. Im so tired of fighting my inner demons. I'm not giving up, the only day that I will give up is the day that I die, until then its live hard, but its so frustrating and makes me sad to see how others are living a wonderful life and Im over here struggling with somethig soo out of the ordinary and cant even ask someone for help because it is so specific.

But Kligor bro you just need to quit porn and stop doing any reconditioning work. Let time heal you. 2 years from now you will forget all that BS and live a wonderful life.

 

It sounds like you might use the fetish to feel better emotionally, if you tackle the underling emotions it might help get rid of negative urges.
I'm gonna build a month streak then try reconditioning while also tackling the underling psychological triggers/issues that I may have.

 

How are you guys doing?

 

Never quit dude, I'm happy to say I'm pretty much 'normal' now in that I get aroused and o from vanilla sex and it keeps getting better. About 5 months ago I had zero sexual response and now I'm pretty much there. All I can say is keep going

 

A question to everybody here: is it possible to be doomed with a sexual attraction towards things that I don’t want? Genuine question. I’m on day 30 and idk I feel kinda hopeless and sad.

 

Did you went through a flatline period or something during these months?

 

The more you are ashamed about your fetish the more it gains power over you. This was my experience. See your fetish just for what it is, a copying mechanism.... a coping mechanism that you don't need anymore and you can let it go. After all, these fetishes originates from shame and fear. More shame and more fear will only make it worse. Maybe that's the reason why you are still too attracted to it. BTW 30 days are nothing...it will take way more time before urges on that kink will go down, in the meantime try expressing romantic sexuality in an healthy way. Maybe it's not possibile to totally get rid of a kink because of early programming and early wiring. But surely you get to a point where it doesn't bother you anymore and you expand your sexuality to others areas

 

30 days is great. These emotions are part of the process and need to be felt and validated before they can fade. The fetish had the function to cover them up, so it's no wonder you're going through them now. Healing is painful. Don't lose hope, keep going and be kind to yourself.