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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by TheBeachBionic, Jul 25, 2018.
Easier said than done for people with poor social skills and/or social anxiety.
Is that not the *point* of noFap?
Maybe, though I would make the point as feeling better about yourself by breaking an addiction. Better self-esteem doesn't necessarily translate to better social skills and reduced anxiety, but it can help!
Dude you're just paraphrasing me at this point lol
No, you said the point was better social skills and reduced anxiety, and I said the point was better self-esteem.
Don't both culminate to be the SAME end-result?
We could argue semantics all day, but I consider the skills and anxiety more a beneficial side-effect, not the primary end goal, for me, at least. I think focusing too much on "superpowers" can be discouraging if you don't get the results you want as quickly as you were hoping for, and can lead to relapse from disappointment.
Now, I might have started my journey with the goal of getting a girlfriend, but it's morphed into a journey of self-acceptance and mental balance for me. I can't control whether women will like me, but I can control whether I like myself and am being authentic or not. Hopefully I'll find people who like me for who I really am, not who I pretend to be, but I'm in this for the long haul, whether I get a girlfriend of not.
And of course, you go off on a tangent again. I never asked for all this intel bro.
You know what? I'm done talking to you. This whole conversation is a tangent derailing the thread, anyway. I was trying to have a friendly discussion, and you tried to put me down, again. Dismissing or discounting people when they open up isn't very kind or friendly.
The one thing we agree on so far.
I wasn't dismissing anything. I thought we were discussing the issue in THIS thread and simply stated so. Bear in mind that my prior statement had nothing to do with the details of your journey. Feel free to leave a link to your journal if you want to talk on THAT matter.
I like this. I heard someone say recently that life happens outside our comfort zones. It's very true. And I'm someone who likes being in my comfort zone just as much as the next person! But you gotta push on through.
Another thing I heard recently: nothing is more attractive than happiness. I believe it. If a girl is happy and smiling and looks like she's comfortable with herself: man, you can't beat that.
You need to heal before you will find a happy relationship. If you do not have a healthy love for yourself, and treat yourself as if you're someone you're responsible for, then you will try to get that love and affection from someone else. The love from a partner cannot replace the love of yourself or a parent or a friend.
You thinx you are noth worthy of a guy so you are unhappy and lots of guys don't approuch you. Become more happy about you'rself and suddenly guys will notice you more..
I think it's very normal to be frustrated that no guys are asking you out, but you have to remember that there are many reasons for this, it could be that the guys you hang around are very shy and too scared to ask you out even if they want to.
Of course, you can't control that aspect because you can't control other people, but you can control what YOU do.
To be more attractive to a guy shouldn't be about changing yourself, it should be about amplifying the beautiful qualities you already have, and then showing that off to the world for everyone to see, but you may wonder what qualities of a woman are attractive to guys? The world will say you need to be "pretty" and you need to show off your body in order to attract men, but I'm telling you that a real man doesn't care about your body, he cares about YOU.
This is why I think modesty is the one of MOST attractive things a women can have, because it sends a message to a guy that your personality is worth a million times more than your body, no matter how beautiful and sexy your body may be.
The LAST thing you want to do is be desperate, guys can see this very easily and it is very obvious to guys if a women is desperate to get a guy. There are many evil men in the world that will take advantage of your desperation and use you for sex, and they will leave you as soon as they get bored. You're way better than that, and every woman is worth so much more than to be just used as an object for someone else's desires.
So I would be careful in how you act towards guys, maybe you want to ask a guy out but that will be a desperate move and every guy knows it, a man should be able to gather the courage to ask you out if you are really worth it (which you are totally worth it), so if he can't get the courage to ask you out, then he is not a "man" he is just an overgrown boy.
Unfortunately in the western world there are many overgrown boys that don't have the ability to hold a relationship, our western culture has been stripped of our masculinity, but even then I promise you that there are good men out there who will lay it all down for you.
You just have to be patient and continue to let your inner beauty shine, because physical appearance eventually diminishes with time, but inner beauty is eternal.
I never have guys like me romanticly?
Not much to go on, but how genuine, authentic, and vulnerable are you when you meet or start dating someone? If you are disconnected, detatched, or superficial how can you let anyone in enough to be romantic with you? What makes you tick, what drives you, what is important to you that you can share? You have to establish a connection through something, perhaps you can’t find that right connection, conveying those things that matter to you, and finding those things that matter to them that you both share. Sometimes it is the little things, the little fantasies, or the smallest quirks that make us feel we have kindred soul we can move forward with.
Hi there, I noticed you’ve posted essentially the same message over and over again on various boards here. Have you not received the type of response you’re looking for or ?
All your posts are very short and do not go into any great detail. Perhaps if you could share more, others might be able to better respond. If this is all you want to put out there, you might benefit from seeking counseling to work on self esteem. Confidence, positivity and self respect draw others to us. Insecurity and desperation drive them away.
We teach people how to treat us. So until we can love and respect ourselves, we wont find anyone else who can and will either.
Good luck to you.