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I feel lost...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kyrtap, Oct 29, 2020.

  1. Kyrtap

    Kyrtap Fapstronaut

    I had many attempts to quit PMO and everytime I failed. I came to conclusion that I need to find something that would bring me joy, some hobby/passion that I could do instead of my addiction. For past half a year I've searched a lot. Running, riding on bicycle, calisthenics, coding, singing, drawing, painting, playing piano, origami and many many more. I like doing them all, but after couple of hours or days I didn't want to continue doing them. The only thing that I can do for entire day is playing video games and masturbate.

    Recently I think that my depression kick in hard. I'm waking up very late just because I don't have a reason to get up. I don't have any motivation to do daily tasks. I don't want to commit suicide but I wouldn't mind If I die.

    I would like to find purpose of my life but I have no idea where to look for it. My life is empty, boring without passion, hobby, any kind of emotions. I feel like it's just nothing inside me.
     
    HolySpirit likes this.
  2. Falcon 003

    Falcon 003 Fapstronaut

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    Dont worry i ve been there , a feeling that my life is empty ,but i see that your streak is very good.
    In moments of despair we need friends so talk to your friends about anything not just your depression,or make new friends.
     
  3. Kyrtap

    Kyrtap Fapstronaut

    This Streak isn't valid, I didn't bother to update it.
    I think that I used wrong category for this so I will make a new tread in more adequate place
     
  4. King Tut 23

    King Tut 23 Fapstronaut

    I recommend you to watch this video about how dopamine works. It is basically what is happening to you. It has a solution so don't worry about it and keep fighting!
     
    ALPHAandOMEGA likes this.
  5. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    If you feel lost you need a map to nofap , a nofap map, try watch an youtuber video about nofap you like
     
  6. alxwarrior18

    alxwarrior18 Fapstronaut

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    I feel unmotivated and have a hard time waking up in the morning too. I think while at first something may not seem enjoyable, maybe the more you stick to it and the more you "make" yourself do it, maybe that activity will start to become more enjoyable for you. I think us guys just focus on our results with girls and that's what makes us depressed. I think we think to ourselves, "Fuck man, I want more chicks, I want sex", and then when we don't have any, we get depressed. But, I think in our situation, it's better to power through, and keep pushing forward with whatever it is we're doing, it may lead to something good for us.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2020
  7. Summer Son

    Summer Son Fapstronaut

    You are definitely right. Forget about day counters, when you relapsed it is quite depressing to see 'Day 0' and they don't show the bigger picture. This struggle is about gaining self mastery in life.

    As the same old, experienced similar things like you. Don't worry about it, I felt lost too. But, remember that all the process is going in your brain, you decide to watch porn. And next time, I believe in you will decide a better one to stay clean. If you try to use the old 'addiction' path, even fantasizing - if you are an addict- you see yourself in the similar situation like this. But every moment you stay clean, every moment you do the right choice your brain wires itself, changes itself. Human brain is most complex thing in the universe. Its' changing capacity is unbelievable. Prepare yourself for withdrawals and embrace that pain, feel it so you won't experience it again. Everytime you relapse, you experience withdrawals again, until you finally make the right decision to quit porn and p-subs completely. There is an only way out: The hard one. This path requires too much pain and you should 'want' this pain more than the 'high' that porn provides. The human brain has a system that controls the situation, when you cut that dopamine spout, it will punish you withdrawals. Withdrawals suck. But if you want to end this addiction, if you want to not live like this way, if you don't want to be a slave, embrace it. There is a different person in the other side. You can do it. It seems like impossible to quit especially you tried a lot of to recover but believe me it is doable. You didn't start the life with pornography addiction, so you can get rid of it, end it. Next time you consider between the isolation porn provides and the life, choose life. Prepare yourself with inner and outer side. I think inner is more important than outer, because we 'decide' to watch porn. In general, when we depressed, stressful moments, anxiety about our lifes, have negative feeling or even with not a feeling we choose more to watch porn/edging sessions to feel something like shame and guilt. When I say 'outer' I mean like do you have a good life balance life nutrition, exercise, sleep routine and maybe even porn blockers. For example, digital minimalism worked for me. I don't use social media anymore, I use my phone and computer with necessity, maybe grayscale mode or launchers can work for you if you haven't already tried. But believe me all of these things is visible side of an iceberg. There is bigger invisible side. Which includes your emotional management system, values, vision, what to to with your life etc. When you decide to watch porn, none of them can stop, I know. But without an advanced preparation, this struggle become harder. This brain fog will gonna leave eventually, it is not forever. So please make the right choice, work extra hard to figure out your life. Porn is not your identity, if you have this addiction for many years, it seems like it but it is not. This does not describe your identity. You describe your identity.

    You have my support. I hope you a good journey!
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2020
  8. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Here is my experience, it is the same on the outside so it might be the same on the inside. It was a long time ago early in active addiction years (now I am in inactive addiction haven't had to use since 3-12-13) I had quite good grades and my first girlfriend whom I loved and a lot of other things going for me and also lots of angry blowups, boredom, feeling I should be doing more with my life and that I didn't have enough good friends etc. I thought the solution to those problems were simple things like make people so acting stupid so I didn't have to yell at them, get more friends etc. I didn't think pm+ had anything to do with any of my dissatisfaction, though if I had rubbed half a dozen neurons together I would have easily seen that I was never satisfied with any form of sex or pornography or even just fantasy. One tie between the pm+ and the problems in my life was belief that MORE would solve the problems: more sex more friends more money I would be happy if these things would happen properly. One way to look at that belief is to say "how much exactly?". How many hours of what kinds of pornography and how many dollars per month will be needed for Andrew to be happy?
    Another way to see the link between my pm+ use and my emotional and interpersonal problems is to say that both were symptoms of selfishness. As long as I put myself first ( and in my case I carefully put other ideas over top of that because part of being a good guy is seeming to be altruistic) I would always have those problems and also have to use pm+ whether I wanted to or not.
     
  9. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    That self centeredness is why life feels hollow and meaningless. What exercise and art and taking lessons and all those have in common is they tend to be used to improve the self. They could be used to benefit others but they tend to be self centeredness, so that MY body looks better and MY artistic expression gets recognized as greatness. I pursued those too and they never satisfied me any more than pm+ did. Switching things around, sometimes those same things for very different reasons, have me a feeling that life was with living: for others' benefit. If you're semisuicidal like I was you don't have anything to lose by giving it a try :)
     
  10. mythdunk

    mythdunk Fapstronaut

    @King Tut 23 is spot on, it's the dopamine not the hobbies you are trying. Porn use has sensitized your brain and you only really get any kind of pleasure from using it. Conversely, porn has desensitized your brain to all the natural 'joys' of life that a non porn user takes for granted. It's not that the hobbies you are trying are boring in themselves it is just that your brain is telling you they are boring because you are not getting any dopamine chemical hits to convince you that you're having fun.
    The good news is that our brains are very 'plastic' in the sense that they continue to change based on experiences and actions. So the more you can avoid porn the less desensitized you become to other factors in your life. I've seen remarkable threads on NoFap where within a month of abstention from PMO people are starting to get joy from a sunny day or the changing colours of the trees in autumn/fall. The simple pleasures in life start coming back and the grip of pornography over their psyche is weakening.

    The bad news, well not bad news, just realistic news is that it takes some tough work and endurance to start the process off and then maintain it.
    @Kyrtap you only have to look at my counter to see that I'm in a similar place to you right now my friend. It is deeply frustrating just how hard it is to get any forward motion with this. I do find though that understanding what is going on in your brain helps to de-personalize it so you understand it's not just a failing in you alone but a chemical reaction in the brain that we are all fighting against. I would continue fighting the fight if I were you as the benefits make the struggle worth it.
     
    King Tut 23 likes this.

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