i feel numb and empty

more of a venting post, needless to point i'd appreciate any help
i feel like absolute garbage, i felt this way for 10 fucking years, and im just 22
my teen years have been very shitty and traumatic
nothing ever pleases me, nothing get me excited, im like a big ball of emptiness, and if i do feel anything, its anger, alot of it and desperation, i've seen therapists and they're bloody useless and i don't need them
sometimes i want to bang my head against the wall hoping i'll stop overthinking everything
you want to know how much of nothingness i feel?
when my grandfather died i didn't feel anything, not when it was first known for me, or at the funeral, my brother got engaged last week, and when he said it to me i said ''good for you'', exactly these words, i really dont feel anything about it, i dont care, but try to be polite
i dont want shitty pills anymore, they make me feel even shittier they dont help for anything
needless to say i never had a relationship or had sex
i hate my boring shitty job it makes me so pissed i cant find any joy in this lameass job or any job i tried over the last year, over 4 jobs i have switched in less than a year, after 2 months i can't bear it anymore and quit because i get too exhausted from the same shitty work
the money is shit too
and my adhd makes it really hard to start a degree, i have never fully read a book

 

my life is fucking garbage and i hate everything about it
please help me

 

4 years ago

 

not everyone, i got some good friends and can hang out with them

 

Yes of course, my close friends and i have a good bond, but there are less close friends that i would want to get closer with them but i don't get the vibe it's always mutual

 

what is bonsing?
i don't think i'm too nice, i live with my mom and i'm pretty cold to her and don't care much for her, it's been like this for a decade, same with my brother, i always feel depressed near them and it's like they don't care much, when they ask me how am i doing i always react in a passimistic and sad way like: same old, the regular, fine.
sometimes they ask again, what is ''regular'' and i answer, not particularly well, and then they just stop talking.
They are not bad by any way they were too spoiling and always gave me as a spoiled brat everything i wanted, when i grew up i learnt i won't always get what i want, which pretty much made into a habit of getting everything i ask from mom or bro all of the sudden i cant have what i want, now i have serious issues when things aren't going my way like when i'm arguing with someone or when i'm losing a game, i think it's due to being conditioned as a kid to get everything i want and that's not how life works.
when im with my friends im a different person, more opened and active, smiling, talkactive.
i dont know why am i this cold to my core family for this long, but i feel like it's a natural response (i dont do it on purpuse)
to make them stop trying to babysit me, im 22 years old and my mother still tries to give me money for no reason, im not poor and i have a respectable amount of money in my account, giving me money only conditions me to stay lazy and not find a decent job