I feel out of sync with the world.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Kanekikun, Oct 6, 2019.

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  1. Kanekikun

    Kanekikun Fapstronaut

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    I am having some problem with myself lately. The problem is that I don't feel like I'm connecting with anyone. I have a few friends. The more days are passing by the more I feel like I'm not into them or like, if I reside in X axis they are at Y axis. :(

    They like eating outside, they like visiting malls, which I don't like cause it's full of people. I don't like going to movies too! I watched FF Hobbs and Shaw I loved it and that's all. When I get bored sometimes I get out on my scooter and wander here there which makes me feel a bit good.

    So what I do now is play pubg, do this and that in my room. Study or watch TV series/anime. I feel lonely.

    I feel like sitting in my dark room looking at the window. Watching the rain droplets slipping down on the surface of the glass and listen to Sleepy Fish on Spotify. I feel like drinking whiskey sometimes and sit in my dark room again. Well my room which turns out to be dark most of the time is very much involved in my lifestyle. I feel good being alone sometimes, not listening to other people's BS. But sometimes I feel lonely..like now.. I just wish I had a hand to hold..had someone to talk to who will listen to me, and who's frequency will match with me. Maybe late night beer on the roof with someone special looking at the sleeping town? Maybe. . maybe I am just so lonely cause.. I am a boring person I think. .
     
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  2. helpinghand4all

    helpinghand4all Fapstronaut

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    The problem is with your idealising. You can never have the perfect bond or thinking between two people there would be differences. I'm lonely because I used to get hurt being around people, but that has changed a bit, my work involves being lonely. But you have to go out and make things happen, find yourself a girlfriend, go out talk to girls and make it match, I might be a loner without girlfriend, but as a guy it's your responsibility to make things match and to find out commonness among the two, make the match happen, go out get the stimuli to develop yourself as long as you can.
     
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  3. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    I feel you, i don't drink whiskey or something, but i rather choose sitting alone in my room, wandering through youtube or gaming than go out to movies and such because it is crowded with people.

    The thing that is very important on our nofap journey is to not only improve ourselves on the perspective of porn/sex/relationship, but look underneath the need to start the journey and what makes us go through this. lonely, no friends and desperately want a GF (which includes myself)? Start taking action and look what makes a guy interesting enough to get a GF (sounds very dumb and plain, but hey, it's worth a shot) > Do you have any hobbies? what do you love to do? is there a place and chance for you to meet people (like the gym)?

    what i'm trying to say is, by improving our lives on every aspect and not having the sole purpose of gaining a GF (which is mine) we will eventually encounter that one person that will change our lives (whether it will just be a friend or a GF).

    Sorry for my english, been a while since i wrote whole paragraphs
     
  4. Kanekikun

    Kanekikun Fapstronaut

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    I know that people are different.. but you know what I think why I am not like them? If I was like them maybe I could have blend in, but I can't change and tbh in my perspective I shouldn't change. Cause I don't hurt anyone. I treat people with respect, love; but they don't do the same. It's just as you said that you got hurt by people. And as for getting a GF I am kinda a shy type.. and let me tell you what happened with me.. you might not be interested to listen but I need to let it out from my chest..

    I love a girl. At first week of college I met her. I had a big crush on her at first glance. After I told my friend whom I didn't know well at that time, he tried everything to get close to her, he sent her Instagram request she accepted, I did too but mine was not accepted. I could never get close to her. Now the guy is chatting with her and many other girls, trying to get one. But I could not do so. I have a pride you know.. I never sent her request again and I will never. But every time she passed by my eyes always tries to see her. Now am over it. Also she is Muslim and I am Hindu.. maybe she will never accept me too.. I don't know..

    I need to complete my studies and get a good job you know..am quite worried... Stressed. Also lonely .
     
  5. Kanekikun

    Kanekikun Fapstronaut

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    Mmmm hobbies like I take photos..I love taking photoes in dark environment.. I love to go on rides.. but I'd love to play guitar. I could never learn it but I wish I could. I will learn guitar next year..this year will have to get into british council english course so my free time will shrink drastically.. it's good.. being busy is better than being lonely right?

    Added few photos.. you like? Are they good?



    Also your english is better than mine :D IMG_20190418_211547.jpg IMG_20190418_211547.jpg
     

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  6. helpinghand4all

    helpinghand4all Fapstronaut

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    You sound like a peaceful, calm and noble person, please read the whole story before coming to a conclusion, I had crushes earlier in school but I didn't work upon them, but in college last year, a girl messaged me to sub her YouTube channel, I asked my freinds and they didn't receive any message, that striked a chord, she was schooled abroad so that added to my excitement.

    But I ignored her thinking that it would make a fool out of me proposing her until she really liked me. We both talked whenever we could, she seemed extra nice, I will tell you the truth I was fapping a lot during those days, I didn't really like her that much.

    Before college we met once I was afraid she would see me studying so I closed the book when she came to see what I was reading in the class, that time she said "sorry" to me.

    For the first time I studied continously for 10 days and also the first time of nofap. I kept on thinking she liked me somehow and I googled her to find Facebook Id. I was a creep at that time tbh. She was so sweet, like you'd never be able to find a girl who's so nice and true. I just kept on thinking about her and developed a crush on her, atlast I thought I wouldn't find such a girl ever. On googling I found out she was rescued when her father had died, I developed respect in my heart for her. So I thought I'll hit on her on the exam day and I did after those days. She was the ideal girl I was looking for. Thing is now I couldn't get over this crush and now I wanted to find out if she was really the girl she portrayed to be extremely sweet and get crushed by her.

    I first received a backlash from her when she tried to make fun of me in front of her friend and it was very nasty and mean coming from her. I still continued to try to flatter her and indeed she spent the whole time with me, she didn't hang out with any single individual ever, so I was feeling great, but I knew something was wrong, she said she'll go on a vacation with me someday but added we'll be on the same project next year so we'll hang out.

    Next i chatted with her most of the time everyday, I told everything I would regret telling someone because she was too nice and that was my biggest mistake.
    I fapped after the first exam as exams tend to stress me out, and the next day I met her I was too clingy and she tried avoiding me this time, it was a kind of high I would get being beside her before exam. She again laughed on me, it was a mean laugh, like the kind of laugh to belittle someone, not a natural one, because I committed a mistake. That was the one time I said no more, I withdrew and there were a lot more times on chat and in real life that she tried to belittle and shame me, it was as much indirect belittling I could handle.

    Now I know what kind of a girl she was, she was a normal girl who liked to make everyone love her and was totally fake for the world but in real she was just a normal mean girl.

    The fault was all mine to idealize anyone, she belittled me a lot considering I treated her very good, so I disliked her a lot, she tried approaching me with the same sweetness but I learned from my mistake and didn't fall back to my foolish self.

    I've grown up a lot now, years of porn and timidness had ingrained in me idealising girls, which made me respect them too much thinking of girls as being submissive and sweet only.

    Lesson to Be Learned : You can never find the ideal girl, girls are mean, and girls like to have fun which includes making fun of one another and passing mean comments that's just how girls are, that's just how life is. Nofap has helped me recover and develop.
    You have to go through the worst to get the best.

    Now your idealising may be different from my foolish idealising but you can never find ideal. You would have to go out interact with freinds and girls to develop yourself and get a girlfriend, even the most introverted girls like the extroverted and open guys. You'll develop with time and no girl is forever loyal, you've got to keep her interested in the relationship or she'll move on with a guy she finds better than you.
     
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  7. Kanekikun

    Kanekikun Fapstronaut

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    I totally feel you. I just don't know what to say after listening to you. :( If someone does it to me I'd maybe cry and get angry and continue this for long time and get high blood pressure.
     
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  8. James Baxter

    James Baxter Fapstronaut

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    I feel ya man. Very similar to my life. Try looking at your life as objectively as you can. Don't let the subjective loneliness take hold. If someone else was describing what you are, what advice would you give them? Sometimes it's a simple answer if you look at it logically. I know it's hard. I'm right there with you. Start small. Just do something simple to try to heal and connect with people. Like, today I forced myself to go to a coffee shop and be receptive to people when I really just wanted to sit at home. A girl smiled at me, and I felt 1% better. Tomorrow I'll try again.
     
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  9. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

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    Neither extroversion nor introversion is bad, and introversion is not a negative and is not anti-social. What defines an extrovert or an introvert is where they find and renew their energy. Introverts tend to get drained after awhile when with people or in a group. They need to get away and refuel in alone times, and they can find much peace and joy in solitude even. This does not mean they will never engage people again, but there's nothing wrong with retreating and wanting time to oneself. Extroverts need other people to refuel - they draw off the energy of other people and a group - it's almost like a vampire when they latch onto one or more to suck up the energy. Extroverts may find their energy dwindling when they are forced to be alone, and they will need to engage again to get another feed. Many occupations and advocations in life lend themselves to introversion, where one is required to work alone and assume self responsibility. This a strong character trait that will take you far in life. Enjoy and live it! But, do engage with others from time to time - you don't need to be the life of the party - and sometimes such people are extroverted fools who just laugh a little too loudly. Be amused at others' baggage and don't own it yourself or even be envious. You are your own person, and you know what your balances are.
     
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  10. helpinghand4all

    helpinghand4all Fapstronaut

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    One never realizes what he's capable of until he pushes or forces himself.
    There are some things that grow without any effort like our age, for other things we need to force ourself.
     
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  11. GordoHusky

    GordoHusky Fapstronaut

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    Oh shit dude your post resonated so much with me, That's all i've been doing for awhile now since i was unemployed (playing PUBG).
     
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  12. Kanekikun

    Kanekikun Fapstronaut

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    we are facing same shit now and then again and again
     
  13. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    You may find that the reason you spend so much time in your room is because it has become comfortable for you. What i found out over the years is if im not gaming or watching TV or wasting my time on youtube or social media, i naturally want to go out and socialize more. Eventually you get bored and the only thing to do is to leave the house. It forces you to go out and do other things. I have also helped this helps a lot with anxiety and depression symptoms.
     
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  14. Kanekikun

    Kanekikun Fapstronaut

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    Surely reading thanks for helping ezpz, you are right.
     
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