1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

I feel the most awful about myself right now than I have ever before? Plz help

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Omega909, Sep 23, 2020.

  1. Omega909

    Omega909 Fapstronaut

    36
    17
    8
    I feel so ashamed and degraded. I feel nothing like the man I want to be. To be honest I feel less masculine than I ever have. I feel like a bitch to be honest. I feel regret, im very very depressed, and honestly im scared. I literally just got done edging for at least 4 or 5 hours and it wasnt just to regular porn. Ive been having a craving for cock addiction porn videos like bbc hypno and stuff like that. Im not into transgendered person stuff nor do I want to dress like a girl. This was the first time ive done this stuff in a while at least a month in a half because last time I did it. I got on kik with alot of different guys. I was pretty submissive and basically being the bitch in the text and them degrading me and me worshiping their cocks. I also would send them videos of me performing anal and sucking a dildo. The kind of man I want to be is the man who isnt submissive.

    I loved it and at the time I didnt care I was like well I guess I like this doing but everytime I watched a video like that and especially after doing that with the guys. It made me feel like the most worthless peice of shit on earth and very ashamed of what ive done so I stopped. I got the urge to start doing the stuff I would do before and I really think this girl that im in love with rejecting me kind just made me say fuck it and do it again. I knew id regret it and honestly I regret this time even more. My whole 5 hours was basically me being submissive, degraded by guys and and worshipping. As a kid I never had sexual feelings with men and I only do now when im really horny and it usually only involves their penis. I cant feel love for this girl anymore and im scared I never will again.

    Im scared im never going to find women attractive anymore and im going to be like those stories ive heard of sissies when they see an attractive girl they think of dicks. Im done with porn I wish I never started watching it as a kid. My interest have gotten more and more extreme and all it does is make me question my orientation and gender honestly. Im so scared im going to turn into a transgendered person. All I want in my life is to feel like a man, marry a girl, and have some kids. I cant even describe how bad I feel right now. Please tell me if its true that if I stop porn and masturbating all of this will go away? I dont want this to ruin my life even though I feel like it has. Im literally praying to god this didnt ruin my life.
     
  2. Andy2246

    Andy2246 Fapstronaut

    5
    9
    3
    Spoiler.. it didn’t ruin you life.

    On your death bed (in hopefully many decades time) you won’t be sitting there lamenting the time you spent a few hours watching some fetish porn.

    Don’t get hung up on labels, am I gay and I straight? Sexuality is for many people more fluid than people want to admit. Just because you went down this particular rat hole the other day doesn’t mean you always will. Give yourself a break, lots of people look at weird shit.

    What’s obvious though is this type of porn is toxic for your self esteem. You need the cut that out and the world will start to turn in your favour. Cutting porn out will help you see things more clearly, you won’t always feel this bad.

    Practical tips, download a meditation app, headspace or calm or whatever. I was sceptical at first but I think they are great.

    Do positive things for other people, you will feel better, your self esteem will improve, you will be less likely to go to this kind of thing.

    good luck, you can do it.
     
    Tryingto, +TenPercent and Supination like this.
  3. Yes. Stop the porn and masturbation and turn your life around. You can do this and we are here to help.

    What you described is the addictive cycle. In short, the more you turn to your drug (porn, masturbation), the more it brings you down, the worse you feel about yourself and . . . the more you feel inclined to get high on porn again. It doesn't have to be dick porn. All porn will take you there, but eventually you build up tolerance (and addiction to the shameful feelings) and you seek out more extreme porn . . . which just brings you down further.
    One day self preservation kicks in. You start putting your life back together. You develop interest in a girl. Then you imagine that she rejects you and . . . you turn back to porn, seeking even more extreme porn to block out your uncomfortable feelings.

    Stop the cycle. Feel those crappy feelings and they will pass. You will get better.
     
    determinedtoquit likes this.
  4. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    This is a pretty reliable starting point, @Omega 909.
     
    Omega 909 likes this.
  5. Lol you say you're done but are you really? We will see.
     

Share This Page