I feel trapped in this marriage.

I guess they were out of self help books?
As a woman I understand her anger more than you watching porn because your wife wasn't interested in sex.
I Wanna had the best post. She's reeling. Let her vent.

 

I realize that I get upset about your posts because in a way they are true. It hurts a man's pride to hear that he can be a pig, when he's supposed to be a man. My pride wants to reject the idea of being a pig, but watching P is obviously a piggish behavior. It devalues women, and support all kinds of abuse against them (males as well in some instances). But we want to break that evil cycle here. We want to stop objectifying women(and everyone else for that matter). We know that we don't deserve to be trusted. We are not asking to be either. We are going to prove that we can be, though.
Sometimes we kid ourselves and think it's not such a big deal, since we're not "really" conducting adultery or fornication. But we are. We are guilty. We are sinners. Those that haven't come to that realization have some real thinking left to do. We don't deserve to be treated as victims. Even though we all have our own story, we are all morally responsible for our actions.
We are fighting though. We want to change. We want to become men, not pigs.

GBY

 

All the time I see addicts opening up on the forums spilling their inner thoughts. Some of these thoughts are down right disgusting and mind boggling. Others inspiring or sound like a damn spoiled brat throwing a tantrum and they are applauded for "being honest" for being "brave" for being "raw with emotion".
Let this be a wake up for anyone going into this journey halfassed and dragging your SO through it.
Don't disrespect your loved ones because one day your SO might be feeling like her.

So I'm digging your brutal honesty. You're fierce.

 

First I want to say good for you for taking advantage of this site to vent. In the early days, when I had just realized how bad my husband's problem was (@i_wanna_get_better1 ), this site is the only thing that kept me sane.

I'm not sure how much research you've done on this condition but the frontal lobe damage that PMO causes is so severe and takes so very long to recover from that most of the men on here really are not so far removed from pigs and dogs. Without the frontal lobe, we can't make decisions much better than an animal. It's all act and react and very little self regulation. Most of the wives and girlfriends of addicts don't check back into this site as often after the initial recovery period because there are really a lot of creeps here. There are a few guys who have worked the program, put in the time, and are seriously dedicated to recovery. They have words of wisdom to offer. The others......not so much.

I'm curious to hear what you get out of group therapy. Are all the participants sex addicts and their SOs? I think of this site as a more anonymous form of group therapy. When the correct people are involved, really great things can happen. But life, not to mention this issue ( that will most certainly haunt the rest of your relationship), is emotionally exhausting. So a lot of us wives check in periodically to see if there is another wife or girlfriend who needs our support. Feel free to private message me. My husband is just past the 150 days clean mark.

As for the hot guy persuing you.....PMO addiction has really opened my eyes. Now when I encounter men who smile at me or give me attention, all I can think of is them home, later, in front of a computer screen. Porn is so pervasive in our culture that when a college tried to do a study on it and were looking for a control group of men who DIDN'T view porn, THEY COULDN'T FIND ANY. Seriously. They are all addicted, just in varying degrees. That guy asking you out probably is too. You could very well just be trading one problem man for yet another one. They are ALL pigs. I'm sure there are a sprinkling of exceptions to that rule but yeah, men are pigs. Bottom line.

If you would miss your man and think he has any redeeming qualities at all, it might be worth it to sit tight and see if he's serious about getting clean. Just make it clear that if he doesn't, you're OUT.

I have a backup plan in place in case my husband ever goes back to it. I'd rather live a celibate life as a single mom in another state than live with a man that PMOs. I've done it and have no intention of EVER doing it again. I respect myself and my kids too much for that.

 

Preach it sister!!

 

I apologize too then @menarepigs, on account of @i_wanna_get_better1's post.