I found bravery in my bravado

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by John Msun, Mar 29, 2018.

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  1. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys

    The first part of my journey has been completed. I wanted to reach 90 days first before posting. So here goes. It all began in 2009 if I remember correctly I was in 10th grade. My first experience with porn was soft core porn which the local channel used to run late night so out of mischief I'd stay up late to watch those. I remember one night I stroked myself to near climax, man the bloodrush was amazing, as I didn't understand what was going on (being a virgin then) I thought man this feels great. Then fast forward a few months down the line a friend lent me a hard core porn disc, it was then I started masturbating. It would be once a week, then once a month I could control it then (or so I thought). Next thing I knew I was running to masturbation just for comfort, I'd come back home lock myself in my room and start masturbating. The once a week/month then escalated to everyday, my grades flunked, I started snapping at every single person who'd want to get close to me. I pushed friends away (thank God some remained), then in 2012 while in college I noticed that I was different not like other kids, something wasn't right with me. I decided to get to the bottom of it but it wasn't masturbation, it was my friend it had comforted me throughout high school. I overlooked it and it was in 2013 where I decided to Google search "Porn addiction", I found the site Your Brain On Porn, I decided to take up the 90 day challenge. I was in control until the withdrawal symptoms set in and I caved in within 17 days my longest streak then. But still with what I had found out I was in denial that my "good friend masturbation" was the problem. I continued with my ways until 2015, where I saw the need to further look up what could come with quitting PMO. I made a list of things that I would go through in the process of quitting, I didn't quit with all that knowledge I had found I continued to 2016. Now in 2016 a chain of events happened, I found myself my first girlfriend who was willing to go all the way with me, I think by the time we hooked up I was a week in to masturbation and the flat line had already hit me. We went to the bedroom and started kissing, I had a boner. When the time for penetration arrived it all went south my first experience with PIED. She went down on me nothing tried everything from bj to hj and still nothing. We then decided to sleep, during the night I woke upand got mad me that I could have a girl in front of me and still not get an erection. We decided to go our separate ways. It was three weeks later when I hooked up with another one and right off the bat she could tell I was nervous and she gave me a drink so I could relax, the sex was amazing but during sex I could feel my erection fading. After that night the chaser effect caught up with me and I went home masturbated. Got on my way as if nothing happened, we dated for most 2016 with the ups and downs of sex and I wasn't circumcised at the time. So one night during sex we both got dry and during penetration the foreskin got cut,right there and then I decided to get circumcised. Now it gets weird, I got circumcised, two weeks into recovery with the stitches on and everything I found a way to masturbate. Boy was that risky and stupid, fortunately there wasn't any damage done. Now that past and when I began masturbating excessively later on in the year I distanced myself from her and she called it quits. Man I was broken but I still continued masturbating into 2017, and in 2017 I found a new girl. With this one things ended soon as they begun cause I was still hurting from my previous relationship. Even with all that knowledge I still masturbated for most of 2017 until around May when I joined on NoFap. I then began setting streaks and breaking them the longest I went last year was 29 days if I'm not mistaken. Then I continued masturbating, then late September I decided to try out a new approach. I would set a streak then break it intentionally. I first set 7 days then broke that, then it was 14 days I broke that then it was 3 weeks, did the same. I did the same it was for a month then I broke and it was the last streak I had broken because once you go a month without masturbation you start to feel awesome and you no longer want to go back to the same abusive pathways you once had. It was the first week of December the 5th when my current streak began and it wasn't until the 23rd of that month when I decided to come back to NoFap. Now I feel great nearing the big 120, since the beginning I've found myself a new nice girlfriend whom I opened up to who has been supportive and very understanding. The confidence has skyrocketed, other women are warm in and around me and I command respect with the gents. My voice is deeper a lot of people have told me that and now when I talk people listen compared to then I'd walk into a room and people would be quiet. Now I'm the most talkative person around. I annoy myself sometimes the way I talk too much and my teasing game has shot up too. I'm more responsive to jokes. I still remember this one time one thing happened to me. I was walking down the road past my old high school( I don't life far from there) so as I was minding my own, this one girl greets me and I responded to her with a not so confident hi but she went on and told me that I have a huge butt and it looks like I'm twerking just walking down the road. We had a good laugh about it and went our separate ways. The list of benefits is endless and I've learn to cope much better with my urges. One thing I've noticed is you've got to stay hydrated cause once you don't drink enough water and have those healthy meals the urges seem to creep up and you'll find yourself back to those old tricks again. My mind is clear no more brain fog I have these amazing ideas which some of them I don't know what to do with them, but this time around I'm more in control of everything than I ever was when I watched porn. My posture has improved and I laugh more. The world is beautiful and trust me if you've just started out on this journey the first month is the hardest but once you make it past that and see those benefits you'll want more out of this journey.The more you stay away from PMO the more control you'll have and you'll be able to write your destiny. One thing I'm to do is achieve some of the things I've placed on hold for the past year's. 9 years of porn erased and I'm moving on to even better things.

    I know its a long read and I thank you guys for your support. See you at day 180.
     
  2. Congrats man! Though it may have taken you a bit longer to get on this path finally, I am so proud of you. 95 days is a big streak buddy! And more benefits await you once you continue.
    What's your final motto btw? I guess, you want to be free of PMO and enjoy the real sex.
    Just practise moderation because "less is more". Thanks for sharing your story. Stay strong & blessed man!
     
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  3. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    I think the process was just to help me come out stronger than ever cause nowadays I'm more happier and I'm very outgoing than before
     
  4. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    I haven't really thought about that but what I know is I want to life my life to the fullest and enjoy every thing it has on offer without the fear anxieties and depression.
     
  5. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    An excellent & progressive success story.
    Great going, @John Msun
     
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  6. Anewlife66

    Anewlife66 Fapstronaut

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    Have you had any experience with the much talked about magnetising effect on girls when you stopped PMO? Thanks man all the best
     
  7. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    Yeah from my relationships going south in a month to keeping one long when I was off, all that because I was comfortable around the lady. And with just random ladies on the road its easier to talk to them. Some will want to talk to you so bad that you'll want yourself out of there, I had to walk away from some conversations cause I was running late for some errands and the ladies would be so pissed lol, but hey for all its worth whatever it is thats in porn its going to show itself with real women. All the energy you're using up with PMO is going to be put to good use in real life.​
     
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  8. Anewlife66

    Anewlife66 Fapstronaut

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    thanks man that was the answer i was hoping for

    in my first reboot so many girls approached me and showed interest, after that porn on an off for 4 years not even 1 girl approached me, i am by means not ugly or unatractive to say....

    i HOPE that girls will start approaching me again, even just to regain the confidence that i have lost over the past 4 years
     
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  9. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    I found my girlfriend at the 30 day mark, and I came clean to her about my whole addiction surprisingly she took it very well and has been supportive from the day she found out,so stay on all will be well in the end.
     
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  10. Anewlife66

    Anewlife66 Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the inspiration

    i find it hard to get in contact with girls without the triggering dating websites / apps

    it seems to me that girls are not used anymore to get approached in 3d , opposingly to dating sites/apps

    i found it also that since i have a little hard look (shaved sides, muscular build) that i havnt got an approachble look.

    or it is just me and i am uglier than i think i am :p
     
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  11. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    Lol see the thing I discovered when I was going through my ups and downs is this here. The more you stay away from PMO the more easily the interaction with the ladies I have. Even now after the 30 day mark it felt like I was unfrozen from this ice of being afraid and all the negative thoughts gave way to my true self and the ladies are attracted to a confident dude. Your looks ain't got nothing to do with it I don't think much about mine but still I talk to girls, a lot that is, believe its coming and when those floodgates open up you won't be ready.
     
  12. Anewlife66

    Anewlife66 Fapstronaut

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    thanks mann wil update when i got the results i desire for

    cant wait honesty, so much girls i have rejected due to my addiction it is unreal
     
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  13. Great progress man!

    Keep it up! Good luck!
     
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  14. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    Thanks brother and all the best on your journey too
     
  15. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    Worry not it'll be reversed I've been there and you'll be thrilled at how many new people you're going to meet who'll make the effort to hang around for a long time. Mostly it'll be a lot of females I've met some amazing new people and i have some pretty great friendships going strong.
     
  16. Anewlife66

    Anewlife66 Fapstronaut

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    thanks for your motivational words..

    cant wait to be honest

    not that i want to skrew around or anything with hundreds of girls i just want the feeling to be loved and desired

    dont know if thats wrong

    i already notice that i am taking better care of myself, my eating habits since going on this streak and i am only at day 6!
     
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  17. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    Keep at it brother and know that you've got this main thing is to love yourself first and then you'll see the rest shall follow.
     

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