I go to massage parlor once a month.

N

NewAge2024

Fapstronaut
I'm a single guy and go to this massage parlor once a month because I feel lonely and want the loving touch and having a good deep tissue massage on my aching trapezius muscles that have knots. But after the regular deep tissue massage, this Asian masseuse would touch my penis and ask if I want to massage that too. I would say "Yes" because my penis need the touch and massage to release the semen pressure. The massage cost $40 and I need to tip $50 for the "extra massage" for a total of $90. I think $90 is well spend here. Maybe one day I can find a girlfriend or wife that can give me a good back massage and massage my penis too so I don't have to go to these massage parlor.
 
Be careful that we end up associating pmo or mo as the ONLY way to feel good.
This is the most dangerous reason and box us into pmo jail.
 
I'd say be wary of the pleasure you take from this, if you are already deep into porn obsession/addiction, these sort of things can deepen your compulsive sexual behaviours. This means your problematic behaviours go far beyond just pornography, and can easily lead to further escalation even beyond a massage.

Peace be with you
 
I’d like to reiterate what @Uncle_Iroh is saying; the deeper we go into addiction, the more problematic our behaviours can become. The secondary issue is that our addiction desensitises us to the reality of our problems.

There is no ‘loving touch’ at these parlours, the masseuse does not love you, you are paying her to touch you. A wife or girlfriend isn’t there to prevent you from going back to the parlour, but for you to love and serve.

Reflection and discipline will help you build self-control, and with that comes such great peace when you know you’re free from addictive behaviours. You can do this brother, we believe in you!
 
I'm confused why you're coming here, a place where men who have abused easy sex gather to educate and encourage one another on how to not abuse easy sex, to justify your use of easy sex. If you don't think your use is out of control that's fine, but what are you doing here?
 
NewAge2024 said:
I'm a single guy and go to this massage parlor once a month because I feel lonely and want the loving touch and having a good deep tissue massage on my aching trapezius muscles that have knots. But after the regular deep tissue massage, this Asian masseuse would touch my penis and ask if I want to massage that too. I would say "Yes" because my penis need the touch and massage to release the semen pressure. The massage cost $40 and I need to tip $50 for the "extra massage" for a total of $90. I think $90 is well spend here. Maybe one day I can find a girlfriend or wife that can give me a good back massage and massage my penis too so I don't have to go to these massage parlor.
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So you hire a sex worker to masturbate you...

If you are looking for affirmation to justify this behaviour i think you are in the wrong place.
 
Why are you so needy for sex?

You won´t become a full man until you dominate your sexual insticts and desires. They´re controlling you, not you´re controlling yourself. Real fulfillment doesn´t comes from the outside, but from the inside, from the source of Life.

I am not hoping the bad for you, but would you be happy if you never find a woman who can satisfy your sexual desires?

I encourage you to find other ways of focusing your energy, finding joy, feeling good in a healthy way, while you learn not to be dominated by this addiction.
 
Meshuga said:
I'm confused why you're coming here, a place where men who have abused easy sex gather to educate and encourage one another on how to not abuse easy sex, to justify your use of easy sex. If you don't think your use is out of control that's fine, but what are you doing here?
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I think this is a safe place to talk about sexual stuffs that's going on in my life and I want to remain anonymous. After I post this, some weight is lift from my mind and chest. I wouldn't post this on my Facebook for my real friends to read. LOL
 
NewAge2024 said:
I'm a single guy and go to this massage parlor once a month because I feel lonely and want the loving touch and having a good deep tissue massage on my aching trapezius muscles that have knots. But after the regular deep tissue massage, this Asian masseuse would touch my penis and ask if I want to massage that too. I would say "Yes" because my penis need the touch and massage to release the semen pressure. The massage cost $40 and I need to tip $50 for the "extra massage" for a total of $90. I think $90 is well spend here. Maybe one day I can find a girlfriend or wife that can give me a good back massage and massage my penis too so I don't have to go to these massage parlor.
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I would never be with a man who pays for sex favors. For many women this is a deviant, disgusting behavior that points to an extreme lack of self control. You do not have to go to sex workers. You do not “ need” to get a hand job. You want it. That’s fine if you have no problem paying strangers to jack you off. But realize it can quickly become a problem and many women are turned off by a man who does this.
 
NewAge2024 said:
I think this is a safe place to talk about sexual stuffs that's going on in my life and I want to remain anonymous. After I post this, some weight is lift from my mind and chest. I wouldn't post this on my Facebook for my real friends to read. LOL
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Okay, so you use this place as a dumping ground to make yourself feel better at the possible expense of others who are trying to live a recovery lifestyle opposite to the easy sex/hand job parlor one you think is fine.

News flash, your unhealthy choices are not fine or normal, which is why you have to talk about them anonymously.

This site is for people working recovery from sex/porn addiction. If you want to talk to people about enjoying handjobs then go to the hub.
 
Psalm27:1my light said:
I would never be with a man who pays for sex favors. For many women this is a deviant, disgusting behavior that points to an extreme lack of self control. You do not have to go to sex workers. You do not “ need” to get a hand job. You want it. That’s fine if you have no problem paying strangers to jack you off. But realize it can quickly become a problem and many women are turned off by a man who does this.
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While OP clearly has a misunderstanding about this place, it is also not a place for shaming people and call their behavior disgusting etc. We are here to help one another, I think this is the most important
 
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HeartOfTheOak said:
While OP clearly has a misunderstanding about this place, it is also not a place for shaming people and call their behavior disgusting etc. We are here to help one another, I think this is the most important
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This guy talks about wanting a girlfriend or wife, he probably should understand that the vast majority of women feel his behavior is disgusting. Just like all the men who don’t want a woman who has been “ ran through”. No shaming here, it’s just the reality. That’s why I said, if he doesn’t have a problem with it, that’s fine. But he should understand he’s going to have a very hard time finding a woman who will want to be with him while he engages in this behavior. Men seem to think women don’t have a standard when it comes to sexual history, but many, like me, wouldn’t want to be with someone who has done this.
 
HeartOfTheOak said:
While OP clearly has a misunderstanding about this place, it is also not a place for shaming people and call their behavior disgusting etc. We are here to help one another, I think this is the most important
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I get what you’re saying, but I think people take their anti-shame to levels of encouraging shamelessness which also isn’t healthy. We should be disgusted by porn. We should be disgusted by prostitution and handjobs in massage parlors. We should be disgusted by infidelity and objectification. We should let that disgust motivate us to stay away from those behaviors. Feeling shame isn’t always a bad thing, how you interpret that shame though can be unhealthy.
 
HeartOfTheOak said:
While OP clearly has a misunderstanding about this place, it is also not a place for shaming people and call their behavior disgusting etc. We are here to help one another, I think this is the most important
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I didn't read shaming into Psalm's comment. Just information. It's the difference between "Some women find that behavior disgusting," and "you are disgusting."
 
Meshuga said:
I didn't read shaming into Psalm's comment. Just information. It's the difference between "Some women find that behavior disgusting," and "you are disgusting.
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Some men find this very poor logic and reasoning. A friend of mine also said it is hypocritical.

Spaz said:
I get what you’re saying, but I think people take their anti-shame to levels of encouraging shamelessness which also isn’t healthy. We should be disgusted by porn. We should be disgusted by prostitution and handjobs in massage parlors. We should be disgusted by infidelity and objectification. We should let that disgust motivate us to stay away from those behaviors. Feeling shame isn’t always a bad thing, how you interpret that shame though can be unhealthy.
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It's a difference whether we are disgusted by ourselves or someone else suggests that we should be. Toxic shame is a driver of addiction. Of all people, we should know that. I do agree that there is a positive effect of shame, but it's certainly not the finger waving YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED kinda thing.

Psalm27:1my light said:
This guy talks about wanting a girlfriend or wife, he probably should understand that the vast majority of women feel his behavior is disgusting. Just like all the men who don’t want a woman who has been “ ran through”. No shaming here, it’s just the reality. That’s why I said, if he doesn’t have a problem with it, that’s fine. But he should understand he’s going to have a very hard time finding a woman who will want to be with him while he engages in this behavior. Men seem to think women don’t have a standard when it comes to sexual history, but many, like me, wouldn’t want to be with someone who has done this.
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Yea, that's not THE reality at all. Most guys accept the past relationships of their girl, and only complete a**h**** judge them for it. Likewise I have not seen many women, who judge men for what they did before they got to know each other.

What you describe here maybe 40 years ago it was like this, or it still is like this in some strictly religious villages, but in todays modern dating world almost nobody cares about these things.
 
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HeartOfTheOak said:
Also I want to say that I am very much triggered by (religious motivated) shaming @Psalm and their apologists @Meshuga. Saying "most women find it disgusting" is a dishonest way of saying "I find it disgusting". Which is fine as a personal opinion but this is not the space here for saying that. I don't go to the AA forums and call their drinking behavior disgusting. So we are parting ways here.
Good luck in your recovery
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It’s funny because neither @Meshuga or @Psalm27:1my light said anything about religion. Sounds like you’re shaming them because you’re triggered by Psalms username. You’re also assuming the users motives and putting words in their mouth. You’re clearly not above shaming either as you do it in a very passive aggressive way. Now I don’t know if you know this but the majority of users here are male not female, and I don’t know if you’ve also noticed that a lot of partners of sex addicts who come here to help and talk about how their partners porn and sex addiction has negatively impacted their relationships are female. There is an entire partner support group section on here dedicated to exactly that, so maybe take some time to read what they say and you’ll realize Psalm isn’t coding her responses but speaking from experience. Furthermore she’s not incorrect when she says a majority of women find men’s porn use disgusting or that women find men’s lack of discipline disgusting, because the majority of women do in fact consider it disgusting. News flash, most men consider a high body count in females disgusting too. There is no world where the majority of people celebrate or consider sexual promiscuity attractive or desirable.

HeartOfTheOak said:
I don't go to the AA forums and call their drinking behavior disgusting.
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Yeah that’s because you and the people in AA have enough common sense to already accept that their behavior is disgusting which is why they’re there in the first place. We also didn’t call a professed addicts behavior disgusting did we. We called the persons who came here who thinks his addiction behaviors are fine, delusional, wrong, and that the majority of the opposite sex believe the same way —something he should take into account if he’s concerned about having a wife some day. Your accusation therefore that Pslam shames someone in active recovery is false.
 
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HeartOfTheOak said:
Some men find this very poor logic and reasoning. A friend of mine also said it is hypocritical.


It's a difference whether we are disgusted by ourselves or someone else suggests that we should be. Toxic shame is a driver of addiction. Of all people, we should know that. I do agree that there is a positive effect of shame, but it's certainly not the finger waving YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED kinda thing.


Yea, that's not THE reality at all. Most guys accept the past relationships of their girl, and only complete a**h**** judge them for it. Likewise I have not seen many women, who judge men for what they did before they got to know each other.

What you describe here maybe 40 years ago it was like this, or it still is like this in some strictly religious villages, but in todays modern dating world almost nobody cares about these things.
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I work with hundreds of young women weekly. They do care. Maybe you don’t care. Maybe the women you have been with don’t care. But the women I work with do and very few of these women come from religious backgrounds. I grew up in a time where free sex was being lauded. Uninhibited sexual experiences were being praised and pushed. What curbed it was the aids epidemic. Men started dying ( at that time it hit the homosexual community hard and fast) And the fear was enough to make many of us swing back to fewer sexual partners( or none) and more caution. Again, if he is fine with what he’s doing, that’s perfectly ok. If he wants a partner he may need to consider how they will view it. It’s risky behavior no matter how you feel about it.
 
HeartOfTheOak said:
It's a difference whether we are disgusted by ourselves or someone else suggests that we should be. Toxic shame is a driver of addiction. Of all people, we should know that. I do agree that there is a positive effect of shame, but it's certainly not the finger waving YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED kinda thing.
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I don’t think it’s wrong to tell someone they should be ashamed of themselves, especially when they should and especially when they act like they shouldn’t. If someone chose an AA group simply because it lets them anonymously talk about how they like getting drunk at their favorite bar because they think it’s fine, I’m going to tell them they should be ashamed of themselves. If my friend thinks it’s okay for him to drink his life away at the expense of himself and others who care about him, I’m going to tell him he should feel ashamed about that. Nothing about doing that is toxic, so the person who turns shame into something toxic is clearly the person receiving it and is based on how they interpret it towards themselves. I have no control over that, so it’s unreasonable to think I should say nothing when I see shameful behavior because I should be worried about how it might make an unreasonable person feel about themselves, despite their behavior coming at the expense of themselves and others.

This world is so infected with false compassion it’s insane.
 
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