I got my life back!!!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Aryan, Feb 7, 2015.

  1. Aryan

    Aryan Fapstronaut

    It was the post 2 months earlier I posted in Nofap.

    GUYS NEED HELP....I FAILED OVER 50-60 TIMES within a year!!!!!!!!!!!
    My story started at grade 6 when I got a playboy type magazine in my uncle's room.Never knew what was sex at that time.Then slowly I started buying all those filthy magazines and got 2 porn movies which I watched repeatedly for about 3 years.Things got into peak when I got unlimited access to the internet and even till then when I spend days watching porn,I never considered it a problem for two reasons.Firstly as I knew nothing about it and for me it was like watching cartoon show on t.v. And secondly I had not discovered masturbation.Everything was fine as despite everything else I was studying.I was a bright kid since childhood and in 10th grade I stood 2nd in whole country.Then after my 12th grade exam while browsing porn pics in google (though I had said I would stop this habit as I was just concerned about time waste,I had not stopped it a bit). It has been 17 months,my life is like a shit.Friends I could not recall a single time when I did it and not regretted later. I accessed porn through mobile and for the sake of mirage of self gratification, I sold my integrity, my spirituality ,my religious faith, almost everything.Yes I am a religious person.In Bhagwat Gita it is written that lust,greed and anger are the surest gates to hell.I have tried everything possible.I even once cut my finger and the blood was all around just to make me believe that this is not going to be repeated again.Guys I feel so bad.I think if only I could erase these two variables from my life,my life would be so much better.I sit in my room locked pretending to study but I never studied in my locked room.I am preparing for entrance exam and recently while I was studying, I noticed that I have not studied many chapter in my whole year.
    My record was 7 times a day.And for the first year I could hardly go for 3 days without it.After 4 days is my exam but as always I had not studied.And the tragedy is that I cannot say it to anyone. Or all the trust that everyone had on me will go down forever.I always regret my past and depressed with numerous suicidal thoughts.I feel so bad I discovered nofap about a month ago.I guess it is the best place to share my feelings.While typing this thread guys,I am demotivated,my body is totally drained and I hate who I had been.My body is always drained,I have poor time management and everything is going to hell.I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE....MY LIFE SUCKS.

    Now you might have guessed what my days were like.And it was about 35 days earlier when I accepted the fact that I was addicted and no matter what I am going to defeat it.It seemed worthless at first because I used to make such promises every 2 or 3 days.And here I am pursuing an amazing programme in MBBS worth 50 thousand dollars in full scholarship.
    Just think how much time you fap.No matter how little is your fapping period,just stand in front of mirror and ask to yourself :Is it the best thing that I am doing with my sexuality?Remember you can channelize your sex energy to all aspects of life.You can live your whole life without sex or masturbating and everything will be fine.But you must channelize your energy to your success,aim or any other goals. Nofap is not just abstaining from PM.Its making your life better in all possible ways.What is the use of a day when all you can do is resist PM all day long?To be very honest the best or easiest time I have in Nofap is when I forget I am in Nofap journey.
  2. Anturak

    Anturak Fapstronaut

    Breathe. Please. Breathe.
    If you have 12 minutes: http://www.dhammatalks.org/Archive/guided_meditations/05_Guided_Breath_-_Quick_Version_(12min).mp3

    We can't do anything with a frantic mind. A frantic mind is an untrustworthy mind. I feel you on the not feeling like doing anything and poor time management. I have a test tomorrow that I'm not ready for, and I'm handing something else in late. It's a very disgusting feeling, but hey. It's just a feeling. Feelings come and go. What we need to do is let go of the mental reactivity that perpetuates this cycle. You're right, in the Bhagavad Gita it does that lust, greed and anger leads to hell, but the hell that is described is none other what your mind becomes. It's not necessarily an eternal place you go to after death (although it could be, I don't know), but what I do know is that the mind turns into its own kind of hell. And the only way we can escape is by:

    1. Become aware of what you're adding on
    2. Stop feeding the fire of lust, greed, and anger
    3. Understand what you need to work on
    4. Add healthier habits that address 3 and divert/prevent you from 2

    But the first step in all of this is to calm your mind first. Breathe.

    Best of luck my friend.
  3. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    Hey Buddy. How are you feeling today? :D

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