D
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Guest
Hi, I am Raven, I was a porn addict (you read that right 'was'). Some may think that this is just motivation or words without action or I am just saying that because I feel like it (in a mood). I am confident enough because I have Someone far greater than porn and He is my provider, He is my strength, He is my Saviour.
It makes me think that it is possible for me to surpass more than 65 days, my longest streak yet. Why and how did I ruin that? Well easy answer, I fought my urges and temptations alone, even in that long streak my ego held me back a lot to the point that I was blind and I was obsessed with benefits, I wanted the validation, I thought I was humble, I wasn't. I even had an accountability partner but that also took it back on me since I was comparing myself to him and everyone else. Counting the days kind of helped but it wasn't for me since it makes the day longer and I wasn't really doing anything with my day. Actually, the reason why I reached two months was that I didn't count the days. Five days felt like a day to me and I was letting the time pass.
Here is the backstory:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/the-one-that-changed-how-i-think-completely.361436/
I've achieved 30 days without PMO about three to four times now but those last streaks were ego-based and I was full of myself, I was insecure yet I was pretending that I am better than everyone else and people who was not on the journey in abstaining from porn or releasing semen. I was boasting to my friends that they should do it and I kept bringing it up to the point that it is all what I think about everyday which eventually of course led me to relapse. What we plant in our brain will grow in the future, whether good or bad, consciously or subconsciously.
I discovered this NoFap website (but before that I first took the first step and downloaded the free pdf of 'Your Brain on Porn', i finished it within a week or less, when I finished the book, something clicked that I have the wisdom that I wish I knew then and that made me think of a brand new, different kind of streak, I wanted to set a counter and let it sit for days and test out my new knowledge about my brain being addicted to porn) and since then I was motivated since I am empathizing with people's stories here. I want to help and reach out to those that really struggles with porn. I may have said that after 30days on semen retention I will get of on this site but I may have thought about it again and decided to reach 100+ no PMO then maybe think about getting off from this site. There is a possibility I will be staying since there are great people I've met here and it's so great reading random people's stories that inspires me to continue.
What were the positive effects on me these past 4 weeks? I am good with eye contact (not doing it currently since I need to lower my gaze). My breathing slows down and I don't feel nervous or anxious. When I am stressed I let it simmer and acknowledge how I feel. I still have to improve my interaction with people yet my thoughts now flow better, I just need better words/vocabulary. I smile a lot and now that I said that I just smiled again. I have followed through with a routine I made but that only lasted for a week, then the other days I just did whatever what is on my mind, if i thought about lifting weights I'll do it.
Negative effects and what I expected are the flatline (i dont know if i have been experiencing this or not, maybe a day or two but I expect it in the future to last, I hope that doesn't happen though), insomnia, anxiety, irritation bursts within the day. Im tired then the next I have a clear mind. I expect that there are always going to be urges and so I just listen to these urges and know that I have power over them through God within me, that helps me deal with them, almost zero effort. Procrastination, but I guess I already have this bad habit even before I discovered porn, but porn increases the duration of my procrastinating.
It makes me think that it is possible for me to surpass more than 65 days, my longest streak yet. Why and how did I ruin that? Well easy answer, I fought my urges and temptations alone, even in that long streak my ego held me back a lot to the point that I was blind and I was obsessed with benefits, I wanted the validation, I thought I was humble, I wasn't. I even had an accountability partner but that also took it back on me since I was comparing myself to him and everyone else. Counting the days kind of helped but it wasn't for me since it makes the day longer and I wasn't really doing anything with my day. Actually, the reason why I reached two months was that I didn't count the days. Five days felt like a day to me and I was letting the time pass.
Here is the backstory:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/the-one-that-changed-how-i-think-completely.361436/
I've achieved 30 days without PMO about three to four times now but those last streaks were ego-based and I was full of myself, I was insecure yet I was pretending that I am better than everyone else and people who was not on the journey in abstaining from porn or releasing semen. I was boasting to my friends that they should do it and I kept bringing it up to the point that it is all what I think about everyday which eventually of course led me to relapse. What we plant in our brain will grow in the future, whether good or bad, consciously or subconsciously.
I discovered this NoFap website (but before that I first took the first step and downloaded the free pdf of 'Your Brain on Porn', i finished it within a week or less, when I finished the book, something clicked that I have the wisdom that I wish I knew then and that made me think of a brand new, different kind of streak, I wanted to set a counter and let it sit for days and test out my new knowledge about my brain being addicted to porn) and since then I was motivated since I am empathizing with people's stories here. I want to help and reach out to those that really struggles with porn. I may have said that after 30days on semen retention I will get of on this site but I may have thought about it again and decided to reach 100+ no PMO then maybe think about getting off from this site. There is a possibility I will be staying since there are great people I've met here and it's so great reading random people's stories that inspires me to continue.
What were the positive effects on me these past 4 weeks? I am good with eye contact (not doing it currently since I need to lower my gaze). My breathing slows down and I don't feel nervous or anxious. When I am stressed I let it simmer and acknowledge how I feel. I still have to improve my interaction with people yet my thoughts now flow better, I just need better words/vocabulary. I smile a lot and now that I said that I just smiled again. I have followed through with a routine I made but that only lasted for a week, then the other days I just did whatever what is on my mind, if i thought about lifting weights I'll do it.
Negative effects and what I expected are the flatline (i dont know if i have been experiencing this or not, maybe a day or two but I expect it in the future to last, I hope that doesn't happen though), insomnia, anxiety, irritation bursts within the day. Im tired then the next I have a clear mind. I expect that there are always going to be urges and so I just listen to these urges and know that I have power over them through God within me, that helps me deal with them, almost zero effort. Procrastination, but I guess I already have this bad habit even before I discovered porn, but porn increases the duration of my procrastinating.
