I guess I might as well start 90 days now

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by FuckingRidiculous, Dec 16, 2016.

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  1. FuckingRidiculous

    FuckingRidiculous Fapstronaut

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    I have been thinking of joining this for a while but didn't because it's embarrassing to think I can't control something about myself. But I can't. So whatever. Here goes.

    I've never done a group thing like this. But I have gone long stretches without on my own before. It usually meant me sort of building up to the break in my mind over the course of a couple weeks and then going cold turkey on the day I planned. And it has worked OK. I mean 4 months or so, maybe half a year once. But the last time I did that, over the past few months, I cheated by looking at images and other sexual content. I just deceived myself a bit into thinking I was being good until some of the old stuff started creeping back in and I had a bad enough day and got into a certain mindset and you know what happened.

    So at present I am just going to try to avoid all PM and other image-related sex stuff for 90 days. My past experiences suggest this will probably work as long as I find ways to hold myself accountable and I hope this site will help with that. Or maybe it will tell me I'm deluding myself and need to do the full reboot or something. We'll see.

    I've browsed and will continue to browse and ask questions, etc. Advice is officially solicited. Thanks.
     
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  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Here is a growing collection of startup strategies compiled from myself and I've added some from others on NoFap. Keep these in mind. This is by no means a be-all-end-all list of suggestions but it is a list for you to use and add to for yourself and modify to meet your needs.
    1. Delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone including the browser history and cookies. This will not stop you but will slow you down.
    2. Identify your triggers. What are the things that you happening in your world to cause you to turn to PMO for escape and comfort! This is the most crucial step in the process.
    3. Once your triggers are identified, determine healthy ways of dealing with those triggers such as exercise, running, leaving the stressful situation and going outside for air.
    4. Follow this link to find out what NoFap is about. Within this link is a link to a glossary of terms commonly used on NoFap. This will help you communicate knowledgeably and more effectively. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/newbies-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/
    5. Go to http://yourbrainonporn.com/ to learn more about the effect PMO has on you. Do this also to educate yourself on the damage you are doing to yourself.
    6. Guard your eyes. Be careful of what you allow yourself to see. No, you cannot live with your eyes closed but you can determine how long you look at something. If you know it may cause you to fall, flee from it! Run in the other direction, sometimes that need to be literal.
    7. Stop placing yourself in situations where the situation has leverage over you. That means stop placing yourself where you know you may get weak and either give in at the moment or later on.
    8. When you see yourself beginning to be in a bad situation (ex. alone with a computer and horny), say what you feel or know you are about to do or likely to do so you can hear yourself say it. (Ex. "I'm alone in a room [with a computer] and I'm feeling lonely [or whatever the emotion is] and horny and I want to [watch watch porn and] masturbate but if I do that, I will have lost the progress I've made". By hearing you say what you are about to do, you may realize the price you pay is not worth what you will receive in return.
    9. Masturbation... do not keep your hands to yourself. Unless you are bathing, changing your underwear or actually using the bathroom, your hands should be nowhere near your penis. YOU ARE BANNED FROM TOUCHING YOUR PENIS FOR RECREATION!!! IT IS NOT A TOY!!!
    10. Your bed is limited to only the time you are sleeping. No laying in bed other than that. As soon you awake, you should get out of bed. Can't sleep, if awake for more than a few minutes, get out of bed until you are sleepy enough to go to sleep.
    11. Keep doors open unless necessary. You need to be isolated as little as possible. You're less likely to M when people can see you.
    12. Keep curtains and blinds open as much as possible. Similar reason as above and also allows light inside. Many time M'ing is more likely in dark places.
    13. At night, keep lights on as often as possible. Similar to above, lights on may lessen your desire to fap.
    14. If you are a naked sleeper or a boxer sleeper, consider sleeping in a in jockstrap, cup or briefs or compression shorts, something more constrictive so that you are less likely to feel movement while falling asleep or when awaking. They may provide a better barrier to prevent those that subconsciously reach for their penis at night or in the morning. They may also be a visual barrier for those that have morning erections too irresistible to not touch.
    15. If you have a faith, lean into it. Allow it to strengthen you in times of weakness. Many of us have gained strength in our weakest moments due to our faith.
    16. Never agree with your temptation. (from @mvp35lusanity)
    17. Begin a journal so that others can encourage you and connect with you.
    18. Become active in this community. The more active you are, the less time you will spend focused on you. The less time focused solely on you, the faster time goes. There is an old saying, "a watched pot of water doesn't boil any faster", which means for this example, focusing solely on yourself and your issues won't make them go away sooner. It's OK to track progress but when spending more time doing other things that were once important to you and encouraging others, you will notice the time of your sobriety will go so much faster than if you didn't.
    19. Consider joining a group. Allow those with your same interests you give you additional strength. Consider asking for an accountability partner. We in the forum will help you but some may become stronger with one or a few to keep them accountable.
    20. Remember that whatever you feed will grow and whatever you starve will eventually die! Each time you PMO you feed the addiction, each time you resist, you starve the addiction.
    21. [Advice and rant] Along your journey, reflect back to who you were but don't go backwards! What I mean is don't fight to gain a week or a month or 6 months sobriety then waste the progress by "checking to see if my penis still works because I've been flatlining [refer to glossary] and I haven't been horny in awhile". Really? That is only a lie you are telling yourself to MO. If it didn't work, you would feel nothing at all, even when urinating. Seriously! You cannot have it both ways! You cannot complain when you are always horny and then complain when your not horny at all. Consider it a NoFap resting station. Keep moving forward.
    22. Similarly, don't decide to "watch P to see if you are still affected by it! If you have been watching P for a year... 5 years... 10, 20. 30 years, what makes you think being sober for a week to 6 months is going to override all of the years you've been watching P. Think about it! [Note: For those of you who are new to this forum, the previous two may be lies you tell yourself while in recovery. These two may seem crazy and you may think this is common sense but too many have admitted to one of or both of these situations. This is how powerful the addiction can be. Don't allow yourself to fall into this trap of the enemy called a brain addicted to PMO].
    This a journey. Unless you began your addiction yesterday, don't expect to have complete victory by tomorrow. It takes time. We are here for you for as long as it takes.
    Your triggers will be those things that occur and you find yourself wanting to turn to PMO for escape and comfort. There are visual triggers that may be avoided but the emotional triggers are much more difficult to avoid. Here are some common emotional triggers:
    • Laziness
    • Fear
    • Hunger
    • Anger/ aggravation / frustration
    • Lonliness
    • Tiredness
    • Depression
    • Inebriation
    • Depression
    • General stress
    • Need for control/ feeling out of control or loss of control
    • Boredom
    • Helplessness
     
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  3. FuckingRidiculous

    FuckingRidiculous Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the response and ideas.

     
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  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    I hope they help.
     
  5. t.rapsfan

    t.rapsfan Fapstronaut

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    Your situation describes mine almost exactly. Joined a few days ago. I'm finding this place really, really helpful. It's a huge relief to know I'm not alone in this damn struggle. Check in when you can, help others, release a few demons in the journal forum... It certainly won't hurt you.
    Good luck and be strong.
     
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  6. FuckingRidiculous

    FuckingRidiculous Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, it's good to know you're going through something other people have gone through and in a setting where people don't get all weirded out by it. It's pretty embarrassing to begin with. Friends will make jokes about watching too much porn and you know they're not really joking but you can't actually talk about it. I even tried talking to my therapist once about it. He was pretty old and got uncomfortable with it. I liked him otherwise. He helped me with other issues. But he gave me an out to avoid talking about this thing that makes me uncomfortable to talk about and I took it. For like 3 years or something.

    Anyway, you said the situations are similar. Do you mean you took long breaks but deluded yourself and cheated and looked at non-porn stuff? And do you have a partner? I do. She's understanding and super tolerant and even tends to blame herself for stuff and that last part is one of the things that makes all this intolerable. I see myself through her and I'm not being the kind of person I want to be.

    Well thanks for writing. Good luck to you too.
     
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  7. t.rapsfan

    t.rapsfan Fapstronaut

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    I have been trying off and on to quit porn for 14 years or so. I have a brutally long journal post in the 30-39 forum if you're interested (I wrote for me, not you guys), but the basics are that my high school girlfriend found out about my porn use and shamed me pretty seriously about it. As a result, porn turned into a big fucking guilty deal for me, but I use it to escape from anxiety and other shit. Blah, blah, blah vicious cycle, etc. I am married, and although my wife doesn't really care that I use P, she doesn't know the extent of the addiction and the incredible amount of time lost due to it.
    She's pregnant. I don't wanna be the guy I've been when I'm a Dad.
     
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  8. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    Brilliant!i am copying and pasting this entire thing to my journal!
     
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  9. FuckingRidiculous

    FuckingRidiculous Fapstronaut

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    Me too. It's messed up. I've learned how to cope with anxiety a bit through therapy but this is a holdout adaptive coping strategy. But knowing that it isn't quite enough. So here I am.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  10. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    One step many will do is create a journal. This allows you to share your thoughts and it allows others to follow your journey as well as learn from you.
     

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