I had a dream last night , it made me sad .

S

seagulls6878

Fapstronaut
Idk why but I need to get this off my chest . I’ve only had a girlfriend for maybe a little over a month when I was 20 years old . The PIED happened when I was turning 21 and I’ve had it ever since . A few years back when I was 26(I’m now 30), their was this sex worker i used to see . I had and still have a kink and she would do it for me . I saw her pretty consistently for two years and got to know her and also grew attached to her. I also gave her a lot of money over time . Paying for these sessions with her. I’ve talked about her alot on here . As pitiful as this sounds this is the closest thing to a serious relationship I have had. I think about her everyday . Last night I had a dream and it was very real . I was walking around town , almost a city center in a metropolitan area . I was looking for her and I finally found her. It felt so real and she almost looked like an angel . Their was all these people around in the dream and I was going in and out of places and I was looking for her and I found her and we hugged . It was like she was glowing and I finally found her then she said “I’ve been waiting for you .” I woke up and i kinda cried when I woke up cause I didn’t want the dream to end . I was happy in the dream , im not happy down here . Not with my lifeless dead dick and my crippling porn addiction. I got to know this girl and she was a good person . We spent a lot of time together . I knew one day she’d be gone but I never imagined it being this rough . With the pied I can’t really go out and meet women with this hanging over my head . I think I kinda fell in love with an escort . I’ve been thinking all day about that dream I had . I’m very very depressed and don’t go out and do much . My dad has multiple sclerosis and I’m making it my life’s work to fully take care of him till he passes away . In whatever way I can . I just want this to stop . We live not far from a beach . We spent alot of time their when I was a child and it’s a happy place . I think when my dad passes away . I’m going to drive to the beach one more time and park on the beach and watch the sun come up . Then when the sun comes up I’m going to shoot my self in the head . Then I can have my peace and maybe , if their is a god, I can have another chance at happiness in another life . I don’t think I’m meant to be happy down here . I don’t know if anyone can relate to how I’m feeling right now. Thank you for reading this.
 
Amigo difícil tu situación....mira acá hay personas esclavas de la adicción que nunca han tenido pareja ni han tenido sexo ...yo tuve sexo a los 27 años y fue en pareja, actualmente tengo casi 3 años de separación y aún ella aparece en mis sueños... Pero a pesar de todo -- confío en superar lo -- Esa mujer ya hizo si estilo de vida en la calle, tienes que pensar en algo estable y real ... Te deseo lo mejor ...
 
seagulls6878 said:
Idk why but I need to get this off my chest . I’ve only had a girlfriend for maybe a little over a month when I was 20 years old . The PIED happened when I was turning 21 and I’ve had it ever since . A few years back when I was 26(I’m now 30), their was this sex worker i used to see . I had and still have a kink and she would do it for me . I saw her pretty consistently for two years and got to know her and also grew attached to her. I also gave her a lot of money over time . Paying for these sessions with her. I’ve talked about her alot on here . As pitiful as this sounds this is the closest thing to a serious relationship I have had. I think about her everyday . Last night I had a dream and it was very real . I was walking around town , almost a city center in a metropolitan area . I was looking for her and I finally found her. It felt so real and she almost looked like an angel . Their was all these people around in the dream and I was going in and out of places and I was looking for her and I found her and we hugged . It was like she was glowing and I finally found her then she said “I’ve been waiting for you .” I woke up and i kinda cried when I woke up cause I didn’t want the dream to end . I was happy in the dream , im not happy down here . Not with my lifeless dead dick and my crippling porn addiction. I got to know this girl and she was a good person . We spent a lot of time together . I knew one day she’d be gone but I never imagined it being this rough . With the pied I can’t really go out and meet women with this hanging over my head . I think I kinda fell in love with an escort . I’ve been thinking all day about that dream I had . I’m very very depressed and don’t go out and do much . My dad has multiple sclerosis and I’m making it my life’s work to fully take care of him till he passes away . In whatever way I can . I just want this to stop . We live not far from a beach . We spent alot of time their when I was a child and it’s a happy place . I think when my dad passes away . I’m going to drive to the beach one more time and park on the beach and watch the sun come up . Then when the sun comes up I’m going to shoot my self in the head . Then I can have my peace and maybe , if their is a god, I can have another chance at happiness in another life . I don’t think I’m meant to be happy down here . I don’t know if anyone can relate to how I’m feeling right now. Thank you for reading this.
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I think it's your brain playing tricks on you to give it its dopamine. And for the escort, I doubt she's thinking about you right now. Remember she's a service worker and she has a lot of other clients.
And for your dad, I'm sorry about that man. It's life man. We come, live and die. And life goes on....
I'm about to be 32 years old. From 2016 to 2022, family members are dying left and right. Uncles, granpa, cousins, loved ones. But the show must go on. Life don't care if you have problems. All he cares about is Reproduction or Creation.
 
DeeJ4y said:
dont kill yourself man. what you are going through aounds horrivle but there is a way out of it. i know nofap is hard but it will fix your pied and you can find someone you can love. believe in it. just dont give up! we are here for you.
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Have you recovered from the addiction and its symptoms ?
 
m9damn said:
There is a God, Yeshua Jesus Christ. We all have a harsh story to tell, please don't consider suicide because there is hope
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I just can’t believe in a god anymore . I was raised Catholic but I just don’t believe anymore. I know now that sex workers don’t do anything . It’s just life’s been hard and even if you pay someone they can be “there”. I know it’s fake and it’s an illusion . I wish I could forget it all.
 
seagulls6878 said:
Have you recovered from the addiction and its symptoms ?
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yes and i have fallen back to its trap and recovered and fallen back etc. i am in a better place sometimes and sometimes in bad but i know nofap works. you should try finding hobbies or activities you could enjoy. and i know how it feel to have one of those dreams you explained. i have seen many like that where i was with i girl i loved. it feels horroble to wake up to reality. and those dreams sometimes come back. but it just means we are not fully over them and it is okay. but we should try to work on getting over them by meeting new people that we can actually be with and who can be even better than the other girl, since we can actually be with them. we fantasize about a girl but we do not know how it would actually be like if we were to get them. so it always seems perfect. but in reality we can not date them and it is not real. i wish all the best for you man. i really hope that you find way out of the bad situation you are in amd come out on top feeling better than ever. and i know you can do it. the feelings you have are not going to last forever, they will fade away. just keep pushing forward! one day you will feel better.
 
DeeJ4y said:
yes and i have fallen back to its trap and recovered and fallen back etc. i am in a better place sometimes and sometimes in bad but i know nofap works. you should try finding hobbies or activities you could enjoy. and i know how it feel to have one of those dreams you explained. i have seen many like that where i was with i girl i loved. it feels horroble to wake up to reality. and those dreams sometimes come back. but it just means we are not fully over them and it is okay. but we should try to work on getting over them by meeting new people that we can actually be with and who can be even better than the other girl, since we can actually be with them. we fantasize about a girl but we do not know how it would actually be like if we were to get them. so it always seems perfect. but in reality we can not date them and it is not real. i wish all the best for you man. i really hope that you find way out of the bad situation you are in amd come out on top feeling better than ever. and i know you can do it. the feelings you have are not going to last forever, they will fade away. just keep pushing forward! one day you will feel better.
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I worry man that this is due to my past drug use (LSD, ecstasy , coke and alot of pills). My friend said he doesn’t think it’s from drug use because I function otherwise . I went to rehab when I was younger and I can’t really find anyone who has low libido and ED from illicit drug use .
 
It sounds like from everything you said that you long to be desired. It seems like you spend so much time caring for others (including your father) it makes me wonder who takes care of you. Do you have time to take care of yoursef? From my perspective it sounds like life is difficult for you, now, but is there anything in the future that you are currently looking forward to? Do you have any friends you could talk with? Or maybe something as simple as seeing a movie?

Addictions do things to our brains regardless if it is a drug or porn. Dopamine is what makes us feel joy. Basically, an addiction makes all the dopamine for your brain go towards that feeling of pleasure when you act on the desire. As such there is no Domaine left for the rest of your brain. It makes it difficult for us to feel the small joys of life. I am not trying to diminish what you are feeling, but rather to say that things get better. Those feelings you are experiencing get better. It will take some effort, but they eventually go away.

Lastly, you are not alone. So many people feel that this battle can be hopeless at times.
 
seagulls6878 said:
I worry man that this is due to my past drug use (LSD, ecstasy , coke and alot of pills). My friend said he doesn’t think it’s from drug use because I function otherwise . I went to rehab when I was younger and I can’t really find anyone who has low libido and ED from illicit drug use .
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i doubt it has to do with drugs. but you should not do those. i used to do a lot of stuff in my past but luckily now im sober from them. i got the vibe that you do not either which is good! now you should try to get away from pmo and thoughts about escorts. remember that she only listened and talked and was with you because you paid her. if you did not pay her she might not agree with you at all. she might be completely different in different circumstances. but i do feel your pain, i know what it is like. take it day by day being busy. God bless you!
 
Guys I’m very drunk and I just want to ask a personal question . I took a gas station boner pill and I went and saw an escort . My dick wouldn’t stay hard . It wouldn’t stay hard for shit . She wants me to see her tomorrow cause she thinks I’m “hot” and wants me to fuck her. Free of charge , she said . My dick won’t get hard and I can’t get turned on. What should I do ? Also , do you guys think that “god” would send someone like us to hell if we ended our lives ? I mean I was raised Roman Catholic but I mean if this isn’t hell, then idk what is . I think I’m so fucked their isn’t a way out :’(
 
seagulls6878 said:
Guys I’m very drunk and I just want to ask a personal question . I took a gas station boner pill and I went and saw an escort . My dick wouldn’t stay hard . It wouldn’t stay hard for shit . She wants me to see her tomorrow cause she thinks I’m “hot” and wants me to fuck her. Free of charge , she said . My dick won’t get hard and I can’t get turned on. What should I do ? Also , do you guys think that “god” would send someone like us to hell if we ended our lives ? I mean I was raised Roman Catholic but I mean if this isn’t hell, then idk what is . I think I’m so fucked their isn’t a way out :’(
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There is a way out you silly Galah. It's her business to get you caught in her vortex. No drug distributor samples the goods, but he's more than willing to offer a free sample. To hell with the dick pills and to hell with her, she doesn't love you. Stay away. It's the easiest option, and it's the correct one. Simple as.


As for the second question, don't even entertain that debate. I'm sure God knows that your problems can be fixed, because you're here, asking for input, from people in similar situations. Many hands will make your burden easier to carry.
 
Swift Escape said:
There is a way out you silly Galah. It's her business to get you caught in her vortex. No drug distributor samples the goods, but he's more than willing to offer a free sample. To hell with the dick pills and to hell with her, she doesn't love you. Stay away. It's the easiest option, and it's the correct one. Simple as.


As for the second question, don't even entertain that debate. I'm sure God knows that your problems can be fixed, because you're here, asking for input, from people in similar situations. Many hands will make your burden easier to carry.
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Man I’m drunk crying right now . I hate my life . I hate myself , I feel so powerless . I feel so alone . I don’t think anyone can understand . I called my best friend earlier and I was crying . I told him I said man I said I hate my life . He said just call me in the morning and we’re talk about it. I want it fixed and I can’t . This has brought me to my knees . I hate who I am . I just wanna go to sleep and not wake up . My whole entire life I wanted to be just like everyone else. I was always an outcast and now I’m still an outcast . Theirs no love in their world. Theirs pain and misery and I feel like that’s all . I can’t love someone and it tears me up . People asking you why you never have a girlfriend, I’f your gay all this shit . I wish I could talk to someone . I need a sex therapist I think. I’m 30 years old . I always had a dream with the wife and the kids and the white picket fence . Now, all I wanna do is blow my brains out. Then this can be over . I love all you guys . Even though I never met y’all and I probably never will . I love y’all . God bless . Tomorrow is another day
 
Hey Bro, Gods hand is never to short to reach down and pull us out of the deepest pit. The emotions your feeling I have been well aquiented with them also. Your not alone and your not a mistake. Sometimes all it takes is one word of encouragement to change the whole trajectory of our lives. God loves you. Read Psalm 103 & 108
 
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